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The Keeper of the Unicorn Forest even brings the raw sparkly emotion when he's got a lobster bib tied around his neck and an ear of corn in his hand. Look at him smoldering out of his every pore. I don't know if he wants to throw that corn into a fire or seductively breathe onto its neck (yes, corn cobs have necks) like he's ready to suck an orgasm out of it.

That corn just wants to dry up and pop into a bowl of buttery popcorn. Maybe then RPattz will be pleased with it? Who knows, but I do know that I need to see more dramatic performances like this when I go to Red Lobster. We shouldn't laugh and smile over lobsters. We must brooooooood.

Anyway, RPattz did a whole lot of simmering in December's Vanity Fair. The shoot was typical RPattz. In one photo, he's like "Oh hey, look at me! I'm James Dean." And in another, he's like "Oh hey, look at me! I'm using a piano like an ottoman." Etc...Etc....

In the interview with Vanity Fair, RPattz once again denies that he's rubbing on that Kristen Stewart chick. RPattz said, “It doesn’t make any difference what you say to the tabloids. I’ve literally been across the country from Kristen, and it’s like ‘Oh, they were on secret dates!’ It’s like ‘Where? I can’t get out of my hotel room!’ ”

I believe him. I mean, he doesn't have time to fuck on girls when he's too busy pondering over things like corn.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta threw a Halloween party on Friday night and Kim Zolciak decided to terrorize the audience with a live performance of Tardy For the Party. Obviously, Kim was singing over a track since it's sort of in tune (SORT OF). If she used her real voice, a pack of wild coyotes would've busted through the club thinking one of their young was in danger. Don't get me wrong, it will still leave your ears wanting to dial 911.

And Kim needs to sit down during her "performances," because she dances like a bowlegged granny who recently had hip replacement surgery (no offense to bowlegged grannies who recently had hip replacement surgery).

Below are some pictures of the housewives in costume: Kim (as a slutty Alice in Wonderland), Sheree (as Hercules), Kandi (as a disco something-or-another) and Lisa Wu (as Dwight). See more pictures at Talking with Tami.

A few months ago it seemed that slapping a stranger's child out in public was the sport of the moment. There was story after story of angry old bitches high-fiving kids in the face. One of those stories starred retired Hall of Fame coach Frank Teverbaugh. A card that read "Reserved for Frank Teverbaugh" was placed on a VIP table in Hell when the story broke that the 76-year-old pepaw allegedly back-handed an autistic boy who was throwing a tantrum at the public library.

At the time, the boy's mother claimed Coach Teverbaugh told her son to "shut the fuck up" before hitting him twice in the face, giving him a bloody nose.

Well, it looks like all charges against Coach Teverbaugh will be flushed down the toilet. In court today, his attorney presented several video clips from the library's security cameras that completely contradicts the mother's story. Coach Teverbaugh never slapped or cursed out the boy. An independent witness testified that the boy's mother overreacted. Basically, the mom tried to take a pepaw down! Werther's Originals will never taste sweet to her again. Click here to see the clips if you care.

Coach Teverbaugh's attorney said, “We think she should be charged for false reporting. It’s clear she was lying.”

And Coach Teverbaugh himself issued this statement: "Ahs so happeh I could slap a red-headed autistic boy!" No, he didn't say that.

(Thanks Jaime)

It seems that during most of the filming of Prince of Persia, Jakey G had his nipples out. So why is the trailer for this shit lacking nakedness from Jakey?! The trailer should've just been 5-minutes of Jakey with his pecs out, shaking his weave (and ass) like the creditors are knocking on his door and he needs a coin in a bad way.

You know what isn't lacking from this trailer: BAD BRITISH ACCENTS. Okay, Jakey's accent isn't that bad. I wouldn't lend him any Grey Poupon, but at least he doesn't completely savagely murder the British accent like Keanu Reeves in Dracula. Jakey does watch (and re-enact scenes from) My Fair Lady at least once a week, so his British accent should be spot on.

And just so you know, every one in the olden times spoke with British accents. That's today's history lesson from the historians of Hollywood.

VIA ONTD

First of all, can you believe Posh is even staring at a caramel apple? I would think that Posh would never glance at such deliciousness out of fear that doing so will make her eyeballs fat. Or something. Hmm. Maybe she's not looking at the apple at all. Maybe she's jealous of how skinny that wooden stick is. Yeah, that's probably it.

Anyway, Posh debuted a new haircut at the Lakers game last night. The game was put on hold and everyone in the place spent a few hours analyzing every strand.

Even though Posh's new haircut is slightly less constipated than the last one, she still looks like she wouldn't even crack a smile if a flock of flying kittens flew by. That's the bitch I know. You can take a dozen laxatives to her hair to loosen it up, but Posh's asshole will stay clenched until the end of time.

Birthday: 32
Age: 1977ish
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 31, 2009
Claim to Fame: Deidra has been shaking her chichichichichichiiiiiis and belly all over the internet for a few years now. Deidra mostly works as a BBW internet model, but every now and again she graces TV screens. Most recently, Deidra was a contestant on Canada's Halloween Superstar, but sadly she didn't win that shit.

Where is she now? Deidra is going to be on National Geographic Channel's Taboo in a few weeks where she'll talk about how she embraces being a BBW.
Why is she HS of the Week? I'm just going to let Deidra's MySpace Gallery do the talking.

And below is Deidra's triumphant appearance on Miami Ink:

Slutoween brought together CoCo (as CoCo goes to church) and RiRi (as a slutty Tony the Tiger) - Hollywood Tuna

Yeah, Brad Pitt as DJ Lance Rock might give you the tingles, but let's analyze that pink hanky hanging out if his pocket. Dildos or titty torture? - Popsugar

This will be the end of us: JUGGALO FURRIES - Videogum

Wild Things on the subway - Towleroad

Dora the Miserable Explorer (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

St. Angie owes her entire career to Veronica Sawyer - Just Jared

It probably makes Zac Efron a little sad that he no longer flip his hair as he glides through the airport - Lainey Gossip

If JLove had a monocle and a top hat, she'd be a perfect slutty Mr. Peanut - Egotastic!

Penny Cruz has breasts and here's 9 pictures proving that - Cityrag

Helena Christensen looks like Glamberace's rainbow hole just sneezed on her - Hollywood Rag

YES! Sienna Miller is free to prowl the street for promised peen again - Celebitchy

Mimi can't wink - SOW

Stepford Katie and Sookeh Iz Mine are doing a movie together - I'm Not Obsessed

A Whole New Whore - ICYDK

Heidi Klum is good at Halloween - Holy Moly!

Mo'Nique actually showed up to the Precious premiere - Socialite Life

Bai Ling probably didn't even know it was Halloween - Celebslam

And here's my favorite celebrity Halloween costume of the year. It's James Gandolfini trying desperately to give a fuck while out trick or treating with his son in NYC. James obviously tried hard since I'm sure it wasn't easy pulling that beat down Homer Simpson mask out from under a Hoarders' "safe pile." Although, James could have left the mask at home since he already has organic grouchface.

P.S. - I think the dog in the first thumbnail below agrees with me. Doggy is obviously screaming over joy at James' costume. Or maybe doggy is just overwhelmed by James' epic "gut over bagina."

Jeremy Piven needs to go back to the first grade so he can learn all about The Food Chart again, because dude does not know how to balance his diet. Jeremy already claims that eating too many sea kittens gave him Mercury Poisining. Now he's saying that drinking massive amounts of soy milk has given him a pair of luscious moobs.

Jeremy told STV (via Digital Spy), "I was the guy that dabbled in soya milk, but now I've found out soya milk has enough estrogen for me to grow breasts, I had to put the soya milk down. It was a very confusing time."

It's strange to me that Jeremy Piven would NOT want a pair of delectable titty sacks. I mean, that way he could grope a pair of breasts without being slapped or having to put a few hundred dollars on the nightstand. I don't believe he put down the soy milk.

You just know that Jeremy is secretly giving himself soy leche enemas and bathing in it whenever he can. Jeremy has found the FOUNTAIN OF CHICHIS and he's going to take complete advantage of it.

In other news, Christina Hendricks has just been announced as the official spokeschichis for soy milk.

Awwww. How touching. Doesn't this look like a still from a commercial for Summer's Eve? Look at Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie strolling arm-in-arm. Tommy is a little embarrassed to ask Stepford Katie if she's ever had that not so fresh feeling? Katie is one with that feeling since she's married to a gigantic used butt plug.

Here's Tommy and Katie spending some precious girl time together on the set of his movie in Boston yesterday. And by "girl time," I mean publicity time, of course. Although, I don't know if anyone told Tommy that Katie was going to touch him during their staged photo shoot. That wasn't in the script. Tommy looks a little confused and uncomfortable by the whole thing. I bet his sphincter got the shakes and then passed out.