You might have been wondering why your clock stopped ticking for a few minutes this afternoon. No, that secret joint hit you had at lunch wasn't messing with your brains. Time stopped because Mama Betty Rock and the Quween on the Scene exchanged words on the street.
Actually, Quween has protected Betty from the posarassi before, so they go way back. They were just sharing a laugh over pictures of them giving lap dances to drunk frat boys at the strip club and beating on bitches who were trying to eff with their dudes. You know how Betty and the Quween do it.
Do you see what Brit Brit's influence has on the children of the world!? A 9-year-old girl from Peru pretty much copied Brit's "Toxic" video shot-by-shot, outfit-by-outfit and move-by-move (insert THIS FACE here).
The thing is, she didn't do it with just a camcorder in her parents' garage. This had a bigger budget than Brit's "Gimme More" video. This shit is expensive! My guess is that homegirl's parents paid the bills for this mess. Or maybe Roman Polanski is making music videos now? Really, I can't.
And when you get to the part with the boy on a motorcycle, just shut down your computer, pull the power cord out of the wall and go weep in the dark. Actually, you'll probably start weeping right at the beginning.
Well, at least she lip-synchs better than Brit. Okay, back to weeping.
Which star that recently lost weight has no tolerance for overweight people. In fact, any time our star sees someone with a little extra weight, they make terrible comments, roll their eyes and are hostile towards them. The resentment has gotten so bad, they won’t interact or attend events where they know people who are overweight will be there. We think they still have a little self-loathing from the time when the tables were turned. Not Nick Nolte. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)
Shit. Nick Nolte was my first guess. That leaves me to guess Seth Rogen, Star Jones or Suri Cruise (she's losing the baby fat).
This married B+/A- list movie actress has a dog. The dog's name is the same as the name of our actress. The reason for this? According to the actress there are two reasons and I kid you not. This is what she said. "You can never have enough of a good thing and when I look at her it is like looking at a mirror." Oh, and to top off this absurdity her dog is a boy. (CDAN)
JLO?!!!!!!! I type this with so many exclamation points, because she's the only one I can see pulling this fuckery.
David Letterman isn’t the only guy on TV sweating the revelation of personal relationships with his subordinates. There is a star of a television series who has built a similar house of cards. He is married, but has been intimate with at least three members of his cast and crew. One was a co-star, one was a behind-the-scenes crew member, and one was a guest star whose appearance was contingent on a satisfactory private audition with him. There may be more. Somebody’s going to get hurt on this one. (Blind Gossip)
Glenn Beck, obviously? Or Charlie Sheen? Or Hugh Laurie? Or William Petersen?
CHERYL BURKE'S black magic voodoo spells have backfired yet again! People reports that her partner Tom Delay will announce on tonight's episode of Dancing with Faces from the Milk Carton that he has to quit that shit due to foot injuries. Tom suffered stress fractures in both of his hooves after Mop Head accidentally sat on them during rehearsals. I made that last part up.
On last night's episode, Tom said that the doctors and producers urged him to stop dancing, but he loves torturing Mop Head (and us) so he said he was going to go on with the "party."
But the pain of
seeing Mop Head's face on a daily basis has become unbearable, so Tom has no choice but to bow out. More importantly, Mop Head HAS LOST! I will be dancing around in my living room with my Swiffer while she eats her sorrows away at the craft service table. That table doesn't know what's coming.
And here's Tom and Mop Head's final performance from last night. Your stomach should be happy too since it won't get seizures anymore while having to watch Tom thrust it like a Bill Clinton.
This past May, Archie made the right choice by proposing marriage to that rich hot bitch Veronica. It was an important moment in history for money grubbin' whores everywhere. Well, in the latest Archie comic book, he proposes to that boring ass prude Betty! No, this isn't going to turn into some Big Love shit. Apparently, Archie is just imagining what his life would be like if he married either Veronica (HOT and GLITTERY) or Betty (LIMP and MISSIONARY). In real comic book life, Archie hasn't decided who he is going to stick his cartoon peen in for the rest of his days. Archie will make a decision one day, and we know how this is going to play out.
Obviously, Archie will realize that his heart really belongs to Jughead:
They don't call him Jughead for nothing! Okay, that made no sense, but it sounded kind of sexy. For real, this is the way it was meant to be. Archie should put a shiny cock ring on Jughead while Veronica in a hot dress looks on.
Elizabeth Taylor has to go into the hospital to get her heart fixed, and has asked everyone to send her good thought balloons while she's in there. Elizabeth told everyone on her Twitter before those pesky papers got a hold of the info first. Elizabeth wrote:
"Dear Friends, I would like to let you know before it gets in the papers that I am going into the hospital to have a procedure on my heart. It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better. Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over. Love you, Elizabeth."
So check under your bed, seat cushions and panty drawer for prayers (or nice thoughts) to send to Elizabeth.
Kelly Clarkson has been digging through Chaz Bono's dirty laundry - Cityrag
Amanda Bynes' new face is um..oh...er..well...just look at her legs! - Hollywood Tuna
Becks got a beard - Popsugar
Personally, I'd like to see a Dorota/Cyrus/TyTy threesome - Just Jared
Kate Moss obviously cuts her lines with her nipples (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Dancing with the Fucktards in Shitty Toupees - Towleroad
While the cat is away, the mouse will play....with club skanks - Lainey Gossip
The truth is RPattz would probably look hotter in that bikini than Ashley Greene - Egotastic!
In case you forgot, Heidi Klum is just a lil' pregnant - Hollywood Rag
Justin Timberlake's memamaw is awesome - Celebitchy
Katy Perry has tamed the manwhore for now - Holy Moly!
Why isn't Carrot Top on this list?! - ICYDK
Bethenny Frankel is staying on The Real Housewives of NYC - I'm Not Obsessed
Desperate Trashwives - Popbytes
Brian Littrell obviously needs to start wearing a mask around Nick Carter - SOW
That Louis Vuitton backpack really butches up Pete Wentz's entire look - Socialite Life
Please take a moment from sending in these sessy pictures of Mah Boo giving us an "I CAN TAKE IT" face while making his biceps more bicep-ier to vote for September's Hot Slut of the Month!
This time, we have an international group of lovely hot sluts for you to pick from. Your choices are:
Miyuki Hatoyama: The First Lady of Japan, Tommy Girl's soulmate (in a past life), UFO passenger and a permanent resident of Crazytown.
Grace Coddington: Creative Director of Vogue and the hottest thorn in Anna Wintour's side.
Tania Mcintosh: The UK's premiere serial celebwhore hugger!
Brynne Gordon: The pride of Australia (and California).
Voting is in the sidebar to the right. The winning slut will be announced Thursday. Happeh voting!
At last night's after-party for Good Hair in NYC, CoCo and fellow rapper fucker Amber Rose popped their triple-platinum asses out in unison making everyone's nalgas in the room immediately deflate. There's really only so much ass one room can take!
I'm not really sure what's going on in these pictures. I think we might be witnessing CoCo bust an orgasm while rubbing up against Rosebot. CoCo's camel toe o'plenty probably hit the ground and jumped back up into her crotch area. I need a cigarette.