Beyonce and Basement Baby's daddy/manager, Matthew Knowles, might be a father again, but the mother is not his wife of 29 years Tina Knowles. WIGS WILL FLY!
TMZ reports that a woman who goes by the name of Alexsandra Wright filed a paternity suit against Daddy Knowles claiming that he's the papa je'e of her unborn baby. Alexsandra, who lives in Los Angeles and is in her 30s, is about six months pregnant. Please tell me she's going to name the baby Sasha Fierce Jr. Even if it's a boy. Especially if it's a boy.
Daddy Knowles probably won't believe he's the father until Maury utters those 4 magical words, but this could be good news for Solange! With a new Knowles spawn on the way, she will rise from the basement. Sasha Fierce Jr. will be the new basement baby who has to sit at the children's table for the rest of his days. Solange will finally have someone to throw a side-eye at.
Robert Joe Halderman, the 48 Hours producer who tried to extort 2 million clams from David Letterman, shouted "NOT GUILTY" today to the felony charge of attempted grand larceny. The judge took his plea and set his bail at $200,000.
In case anybody hasn't whispered this in your ear yet, it's been confirmed that RJH is the ex-boyfriend of Stephanie Birkitt (above), who used to be Dave's assistant. Homegirl would also appear on the show every now and again. Apparently, Stephanie and Dave used to bone on the down low before he got married to his now wife and then girlfriend.
Manhattan's District Attorney held a press conference earlier today where he said that RJH was using some of Stephanie's diary entries and letters to blackmail Dave. The D.A. also added that RJH tried to deposit the fake $2 million check Dave gave him. After the check bounced like it came from a Real Housewive, RJH was arrested.
Okay, what the hell kind of bunk ass extortionist is this Robert Joe Halderman dude?! Does he not watch late-night movies?! When you're trying to blackmail a bitch, you don't accept a check! Tell their asses you are a cash only establishment! And if you're really at the top of your game, you tell them you want it in British Pounds and to throw in DVDs of the entire first season of Being Bobby Brown. You can't get that shit in stores!
The Rainbow Unicorny Princess performed on the Today show this morning and everyone had their eyes on her womb area, because of the pregnant rumors going around. The dress she wore was so damn tight that if she was pregnant, we'd be able to see the outline of her baby friend, so I'm guessing she's not. And if she isn't, she might be now, because all of her dancer's fingers were up in her business. Seriously, I hope they soaked their hands in Purell after their morning jack-off sessions, or else Mimi's going to have a Hello Fetus!
Here's a few more hilarious pictures from this morning of Mimi kissing on the dude that hosts America's Got Talent and of her dancers getting a hernia while lifting her ass.
This top Hollywood film actor has never come out of the closet, but there have been lots of rumors in the past that he is gay. While he has plenty of offers from gay men – and straight women – he actually prefers a third option: straight men who are also famous. He enjoys getting them to “switch teams”, even if only for a one-time tryst.
His powers of persuasion must be pretty strong, because he’s talked more than one famous and straight man into sampling the goods. He always makes it as dirty as possible (including the sampling of each other’s body waste), because he feel certain that there is no way that they will ever tell anyone. (Blind Gossip)
There's really too many to list, but I'll try: Tommy "Poo Poo Lover" Cooze? George "Gimme Your Doody" Clooney? Will "Piss In Your Mouth" Smith? Vin "Golden Showers" Diesel? Hugh "Shit On My Hand And" Jackman? Kevin "Urine Lips" Spacey?
This former A list singer and now a probably a B- or C+ went off on her ex-boyfriend the other night. He is an A lister and she said that he only ever could have sex with our singer if she stayed completely quiet the entire time. Of course since they only had sex every few months she didn't have to make that effort very often. (CDAN)
Chestica Simpson and John Mayer?
George Clooney and boooobies - Holy Moly!
Kim Kardassian must get her face painted at Maaco - Hollywood Rag
Is there a shortage of women or something? - Egotastic!
Either Ben Affleck is looking hot or I am seriously hard-up for anything. Or both. - Lainey Gossip
Will everyone put a lid on Single Ladies already?! - Towleroad
Aubrey O'Day Tweets her ass (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Who died, RiRi? - Just Jared
Another piece of limp broccoli is the next Bachelor - E! Online
Basement Baby got a magazine cover! - I'm Not Obsessed
All of the side-effects Michael Bay listed are the same ones I experience when watching one of his movies - Celebitchy
Jim Carrey looking a little unabomber-ish - ICYDK
Does Domino's make this? - Cityrag
Ali Larter gets the "Ashlee Simpson" - Socialite Life
Here's Tommy Girl on the Boston set of his movie Wichita making the same face he makes when Will Smith accidentally drops a major butt queef during a salad tossing.
Tommy was joined by a much more talented and sane co-star. Hopefully, that dog stayed away from Tommy at the craft service table. I have a feeling that Tommy is on the prowl for a new beard. I really don't want to see that furry dog friend shuffling around like a robot zombie while wearing rolled-up jeans. But I have a feeling that dog knows better. The look on his face in the picture above totally says: "I wonder how hurt I will get if I jump away from this crazy bitch?"
During a radio interview with Ryan Gaycrest on KIIS-FM yesterday, Vadge said she's pretty much done with retirement home dick and will only fuck with you if your balls haven't dropped yet. If you know what Desperately Seeking Susan is, then you are probably too old to ride THAT RIDE. Consider yourself lucky.
When Ryan asked Vadge why she loves the youngins' who barely started growing pubic hair, she said, “You have to be old enough to dress yourself. Younger people are generally more adventurous - they’re more open, more fun. Have you met many guys my age? Guys my age are married or divorced or grumpy, fat and balding.”
Grumpy, fat or balding?! Some men are like dildos and get better with age. Here are 6 pieces that are 51-years-old, just like Vadge!
I mean, she would really turn down the chance to let the Lord of the Dance riverdance all over her cooch? And she wouldn't want lick on the rod that was blessed by the Empress of Lucite?! What about The Guttenberg, or Prince, or Gary Oldman?! Everybody wants to be the cream on a Guttenberg/Prince/Oldman sundae! And as for Alec Baldwin, well she's right when it comes to him. Alec's peen alone can probably be described as "grumpy and balding." It probably has bad breath too. But we'd all still hit it just to hear him call our fuck parts "a thoughtless little pig." Give us that filthy talk, Alec!
The Three Mighty Os (Oprah, Obama and Michelle Obama) were in Copenhagen to bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago. Their efforts have failed, because Chicago was the first city eliminated. Tokyo followed, and now Rio and Madrid are battling out to be the lucky city that gets to be flooded with zillions of people. Stock up on your oxygen, Rio and Madrid!
(UPDATE: Rio got that bitch!)
Some thought that Chicago would at least make the final 2 since the International Olympics Committee seemed charmed by Michelle Obama. Maybe they weren't amused with Gayle King's tap dance routine to a song she wrote called "Oprah Is The O In Olympics."
Oprah's strap-on and one of her favorite things (aka Gayle's honey pot) will be working overtime tonight, because The Mighty O will have to take it out on something.
Life & Style is reporting that Bethenny Frankel has been replaced by socialite Sonja Morgan on The Real Housewives of NYC, because she's getting her own show on Bravo or some shit. Sonja will make her debut on episode 5 of the new season.
Immediately after I read that shit, I went on a Google journey to find out what this Sonja Morgan chick looks like. The above picture was one of the first things that popped up. FINALLY! The producers have found someone that is more intelligent, more gorgeous, more classy and has more poise than all of the housewives in every Housewives series COMBINED. Sonja Morgan is the epitome of a real housewife!
Okay, okay, this is the real Sonja Morgan with Ivanka Trump, some dude and a homosexual vase.
BITCH BOGUS! But at least we'll always know who the better Sonja Morgan is.