The theme for the day really is balloons on the loose. Katie Price kept with that theme by bringing her twin Harvey heads out in London tonight. I still don't think Katie's boobs are high enough. It's kind of demure. Homegirl should've rang up Snoop Dogg and asked him to hook her tittays up with some hydraulics. That way they could bounce up past her head. Basically, when Katie walks into a room, it should look like two gigantic chichi balls crushing a peacock to death. Need more booooooobs.
Just for the record, I'm sure that wasn't the only peencock laying on Katie's lap tonight.
If you were like me, your eyeballs were probably stuck to the TV for the past few hours watching the soap opera called Flight of the Navigator II: Falcon Flies Above. Officials just confirmed that 6-year-old Falcon Heene (the kid in the middle) was hiding in a cardboard box in the attic while everyone was trying to find his ass. SO GROUNDED (punned on purpose).
This afternoon, every TV station cut to a floating silver weather balloon flying above Ft. Collins, Colorado. Falcon's brother told the police that he saw him get into the weather balloon before it took off into the sky. About an hour and a half later, the balloon softly landed in an open field. Falcon wasn't in the balloon. That's when a search was called, and some believed that Falcon might have fallen out of the balloon shortly after it took off.
Well, the fact is that Falcon untethered the balloon, and then ran into the house to hide. Falcon thought his ass was going to get into trouble for letting the balloon go.
Falcon's family has already been on Wife Swap, but methinks it's time for SuperNanny to pay a visit. Better yet, send Nancy Grace over there. That will make the entire family wish they were flying 7,000 feet above the ground in a weather balloon.
How long before Falcon is named as the new face for Jiffy Pop? And you know Def Jam is already trying to sign him. Here's Falcon's first single:
While Michael Lohan continues to run his mouth about the so-called intervention he's going to stage for Blohan, she will be in front of a judge tomorrow morning. TMZ says that the judge in her DUI case was told that she got a giant FAIL in her booze education course, so he's summoned her to face his wrath. Unfortunately, the course's final exam didn't including downing a dozen Red Bull & Vodkas in 3-minutes flat without leaving a drop. If that was the case, she would've been best in class.
The judge will determine if Blohan violated her probation by flunking the booze program. If he does, he could send her off to the chokey.
You know, maybe jail wouldn't be such a bad thing for this one. I mean, it would prove the haters who say she can't even get arrested in Hollywood WRONG. Also, there's plenty of available butch snatch in jail and I'm sure they know how to make strong cocktails out of mouthwash, prison fruit and panty crust.
When this little boy takes a bite out of a piece of deep fried butter, he busts into a dance that would make Velma from Scooby Doo really proud. The truth is, I'm not sure if he's dancing because the taste of deep fried fat has filled him with the dance spirit, or if he's jumping around to stop his heart from freaking the hell out. Who knows, but I do know that I really want a piece of deep fried butter right now. If it doesn't make my arteries pop, it will make me dance dance DANCE!!!!
VIA The Awl
TyTy Baby's talk show is usually full shit, but this Friday's episode is really going to be full of shit. LITERALLY.
TyTy is bragging about how her show will air the first ever televised colonic. Unfortunately, it won't be performed on her mouth. Instead, some unlucky bitch will get their caca sucked out while TyTy's audience and the entire country watches on. You know TyTy is going to stand over the poor soul and ask, "Is your asshole smizing?!"
Some people can't even poop with their cat in the bathroom staring at them, so I can only imagine how it must feel to have a tube up your no-no while a crowd dry heaves in front of you. Actually, I don't really have to imagine it since that's how I spent my weekend, and it wasn't fun as I thought it was going to be.
And I wonder how TyTy is going to top this one? On the next Tyra: TyTy gets to the bottom of menstrual berries!!
Pictures from Brit Brit's "3" video which looks like scenes from the inside of an S&M gay club. Hot. - Popsugar
Battlestar Galacticaboobies - Egotastic!
George Clooney and his Cindy Crawford clone hit London - Lainey Gossip
Nicolas Cage owned a fucking castle (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Miranda Kerr and two big balls - Hollywood Tuna
TyTy's $30 million nipples - Cityrag
Kellan Lutz works out a lot - Towleroad
If Bernadette Peters plays Ginger Spice, I'm okay with this - Just Jared
Good news, ladies! David Archie's creepy skeezy father is available - Popeater
Holly Madison was pleasantly surprised when she pulled the tap and cob webs and Viagra dust didn't come pouring out - Hollywood Rag
If you stand on your tippy toes while looking into a pair of binoculars, you might be able to see Vivica Fox's hairline - I'm Not Obsessed
More cracked-out gayelle drama - Celebitchy
Little Red Pregnant Hood - Socialite Life
Dennis Rodman wanted to sashay down the runway during the benefiting the Susan G. Komen Foundation)
And because you want to know (not really), I'd still hit it. I mean, Dennis even comes complete with a pink shower puff to wash your bits with afterwards.
Both People and UsWeekly are saying that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reunited (and it feels so MEH). The two first started rubbing nipples in April of 2008. They broke up a couple of times, the most recent being in January of this year. Now it seems that John is back to nuzzling on Jen's chin.
According to some sources, the two were spotted getting "cozy" at the Bower Hotel in NYC last month. One source said, "Jen was there on the arm of John and they were all very lovey. She was in casual clothing as was he, and she seemed very comfortable around his crowd of friends." Some source close to John seems to think they are just taking it slow, "They are very close. They remain great friends. He thinks she's amazing, nice and smart, and he has nothing but respect for her."
Methinks this is just a case of not being able to quick the dick. Been there, done that, have the sores to prove it. I mean, sometimes your brain says "DUMP THE BITCH," while your fuck part says, "DON'T LET GO." So I'm guessing Jen just loves the way Mayer's douche-rod makes her ladybox tingle (don't try to imagine that or you may black out). And John loves how dating Jen makes his Google ranking go up.
Meghan McCain was feeling "spontaneous" last night, so she posted this picture of her book on Twitter. This started some shit, and it didn't take long for Meghna's followers to throw the "slut" word at her. Usually when someone calls me a slut, I curtsy and say "thank you," but Meghan took this as insult. Go figure.
She said she might quit Twitter, because "what once was fun now just seems like a vessel for harassment." A vessel for harassment?! That sounds like something I'd try to jump on after too many glass of Strawberry Hill.
As much as I love a pair of magnificent chichis, Meghan's cleavage kind of looks like twin Dick Cheney heads hiding in her shirt. That is every shade of NOT RIGHT.
Blohan's first collection as "artistic adviser" of Ungaro failed to impress fashions critics (and everyone else). Basically, don't be surprised if you see that shit collecting moth balls in the clearance section at Marshalls. Well, since she IS a Lohan after all, she has taken zero responsibility for the epic fail, and is blaming others.
In a short interview (thanks to the Adderrall she can't sit still for more than 25 seconds) with People, she blamed the shit bomb on “coming in so late and having not that much time to do a whole collection.”
And as for those Dlisted-approved nipple pasties, Blohan said she had nothing to do with those, “I wasn’t aware of the nipple tassels on the girls until they were walking out. I am going back to Paris for the next collection….I am learning. It’s already in January. I thought it was in March."
That's funny, because I thought the only thing that came from the mind of a Lohan was those nipple pasties.
I'm sure Blohan found enough time to do three whole lines, so that whole "I came in late" excuse isn't going to fly. Bitch should ring up Michael Lohan and ask him to dig in his ass for another excuse. Or she should've just said that she pulled the entire collection out of her pant pocket. And yes, the pants don't belong to her. GIRL BYE!
Here's Blohan shopping her sorrows away in NYC yesterday.