It's Slutoween which means Wonky hits the streets dressed like a slutty version of something or another. This year, she dressed as Whore-othy from The Wizard of Valtrex, and forced her burrito heir boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, to wear the same shit. Well, maybe she didn't really force him since it looks like wearing a dress and lipstick is giving him the drips. This bitch is puckering like Squinty with a lemon in her mouth. Doug finally got to sashay around in public in a pair of pink heels. Speaking of, I doubt those heels belong to Wonky because they look kind of small for her big ass feet.
And this is exactly why Parasite will never be an official member of The Big Slut Club. Any self-respecting whore knows that Halloween is amateur hour. Halloween is the only time authentic sluts cover their parts up. That's what the other 364 days of the year are for!
It really isn't Halloween until last year's HSOH (Hot Slut of Hallowpeen) Tim Curry opens up his precious mouth and serenades us while waving his sexy pink cape around. And The Grand Wizard is always right: anything can happen on Halloween. This is why you have to wax and bleach your important bits, stock up on morning-after-pills, give your toilet a pep talk and write your address on your forehead with a Sharpie just in case!
Happy Halloween to all! If you get arrested, make sure to give us a TSG-worthy mug shot.
Beyonce is fucking with Solange again! You know Beyonce told Basement Baby that she's way too *edgy* and *unique* for a mainstream record label, so she advised her to put on her pioneer hat and go out on her own! Basement Baby fell for Beyonce's trap, because she announced that she has quit her record label and will go independent for her third album.
Solange announced the news on her Twitter: "Although it’s been a wonderful journey & experience at Interscope Records, after truly recognizing what’s important to ME as an artist, I decided it was time for me to continue my path on a more independent platform. I’m excited about continuing to dive in, experiment and creating music and art with no boundaries, fears or expectations. Gonna be fun folks.”
Those of you HATERZ (The Z is to ZING you good) who are shouting that Basement Baby got dropped by her label need to duck, because she flies above all of you. Actually, I guess it's kind of impossible to fly above all the haters when you're trapped in the basement. Oh. Damn. :(
Here's Katie Pierson of the B-52's (for the youngins who don't know) at Bette Midler's Annual Hulaween Gala in NYC last night with her partner in pussy Monica Coleman. My Google Alerts are obviously missing some Kate Pierson in their life, because I did not know she was bumping love shacks with another lady! Apparently, Kate declared herself a "late in life lesbian" a while ago. Now I can add Kate to my list of ginge gayelle bridesmaids for my wedding to Mah Boo Anderson Cooper (Don't Stop Believing).
Here's more of Kate (as Annie Oakley) and Monica (as Davy Crockett) at last night's party. I also threw in some pictures of Bette (as Lady CaCa in 10 years), Martha Stewart (as Madonna's sascrotch compete with roidy labia tentacles) with her gays and Michael Kors (as country Kim Zolciak before shaving).
Just a few months ago, Christina Ricci was engaged to a dude whose nipple was bigger than her. That relationship ended, because Christina was sick of climbing ladders to ride his peen and getting poked in the spine by his dick during sexy times wasn't comfortable.
So Christina is now bouncing around with a new piece who goes by the name of Curtis Buchanan. Curtis looks like he doesn't crush her finger bones into dust when holding her hand, so Christina no longer has crazy emergency room bills. IN THIS ECONOMY, some hos really can't afford to fuck with Jolly Green Giant dick. The recession is evil in all ways.
If the first thing you saw in the morning were two paintings of A-Roidy as a Centaur, you'd probably crawl back under your sheets and pray that the end is swift and painless. When A-Roidy wakes up and sees himself as a Centaur, he creams his sheets (smells like pimple jizz, Jeter saliva and protein dust). That's what one of his exes claims anyway. She told UsWeekly that A-Roidy has two special works of FART of himself hanging over his bed in his boudoir.
She said, "He was so vain. He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure? It was ridiculous."
This is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. Dude is like a skeezy pimp character that Krissy Snow dated on Three's Company.
A-Roidy probably didn't stop with the paintings either. I'm sure he has satin bed sheets of him as an angel carrying a baby A-rod. And a fur throw made from his pubic hairs. You also know he has those touch lamps from the 80s that feature his face in stained glass. And don't get me started on his bathroom. Doesn't an A-Roidy toilet seem so fitting?
Deidra Daley Everett - An internet BBW model, wannabe gay icon and a "spooktestant" on Chris & John's Halloween Superstar, which airs on OUTtv in Canada
Halloween Superstar is a reality show searching for...you guessed it...Halloween's biggest superstar. Deidra is a Halloween fangirl, because she loves dressing up and loves candy. However, she doesn't understand why "fun-size" candy bars are so small. Deidra thinks that "fun-size" should mean it's bigger than the regular size. Homegirl does have a valid point.
SPOILER ALERT: Unfortunately, Deidra was executed from the show last week, but she will always be my Halloween Superstar! Shit, she's my every day superstar, because she's a slave to glamour, doesn't mind being called a drag queen and once ate an entire pizza for her fans. To get a giant serving of Deidra, (NSFW) click here to visit her website.
Below is Deidra talking about one of her worst fears:
Obviously, Deidra needs to star in the sequel to Paranormal Activity.
Sally Kirkland (68)
Tinkerbell Hilton (7)
Christie Hayes (23)
Justin Chatwin (27)
The Cheeky Girls (27)
Samaire Armstrong (29)
Eddie Kay Thomas (29)
Piper Perabo (33)
Vanilla Ice (42)
Annabella Lwin (43)
Rob Schneider (46)
Dermot Mulroney (46)
Larry Mullen Jr. (48)
Peter Jackson (48)
Brian Stokes Mitchell (52)
Jane Pauley (59)
Deidre Hall (62)
Stephen Rea (63)
David Ogden Stiers (67)
Ron Rifkin (70)
Dan Rather (78)
Jon Grosselin is no longer using Ed Hardy as his full-time spiritual advisor. Instead, Jon is listening to the mouth belonging to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (but you can call him Rabbi Famewhore). Unfortunately, Rabbi SB has not advised Jon to hide in Balloon Boy's attic and not come out until we tell him to. But Rabbi SB did tell Jon that he needs to drop his girlfriend Hailey Glassman off at the nearest potted plant and leave her the hell alone. According to Extra, Jon has listened to Rabbi SB and has quit Meth Brows.
Some "insider" (*cough*possumhead*cough*) said, "They're taking a break. Jon apparently decided he needed to spend some time on his own." Yeah, on his own in a ditch in Chernobyl.
This is kind of funny since Hailey was on TV the other day queefing about how Jon constantly throws "mantrums," but she can never leave his ass. Hailey should consider herself lucky since she just dodged a douche bullet. Now she can go back to doing anal with potted plants which sounds much more enjoyable than doing anything with Jon Gosselin.
Rabbi BS (on purpose typo) probably has bigger publicity whoring plans for Jon. Don't be surprised if Jon changes his name to Jedidiah and starts hanging around with Ashton Kutcher. Does Ed Hardy make Kabbalah bracelets? They will now.
The Polish papers have already reported this weeks ago that Colin Farrell has a brand new son, but now it's confirmed. Colin's spokeswhore says that his girlfriend, Polish actress Alicja Bachleda, popped out their first baby together on October 7th.
Colin and Alicja actually gave their kid a normal name. A name that doesn't cause your eyes to do the hustle. They named him Henry Tadeusz Farrell. I know. What the hell kind of GD celebrities do Colin and Alicja think they are? They better enroll him in a celebkid-free school, because if they don't, Sparrow and Bronx will make fun of him for having a name like Henry. That might have been a Twilight Zone episode.
Anyway, this is Colin's second kid. He has a 6-year-old son with Kim Bordenave named James.
Colin and Alicja met while filming a movie together. Two seconds later, Colin threw a jizz ball her way and she got knocked up. At this rate, Colin will have 6 kiddies and just as many baby mamas by the time he's 40. Keep fucking that chicken, Colin!
Source: Associated Press