Oh, shit. For a quick second I thought that was Cleo from Set It Off walking the beach in St. Lucia with Gargamel's sexier twin Amy Wino. I got excited, because a big bad lezzie is exactly what Wino needs in her life. They will smack you in the teeth and kick you in the crotch bone with their Timberlands if you fuck around. They don't play.
A while ago, I was getting gross at some bar with a dude who was not my boyfriend at the time. My bull dyke friend grabbed me by the hair and dragged me out of the bar. She told me to take my slutty ass home and stick my asshole under the tub faucet if I wanted some action. That shit turned me on. I would've become her woman right then and there, but she threw me in a cab.
That's the kind of butch love Wino needs. When she's about to suck on the bad shit pipe, she needs a butchie friend to yank her by the crack nest and beat the fuckery out of her.
There were so many herp-puss covered gems during Rock of Love Bang Bus last night that I couldn't just pick one to share with you. So I'm dropping a few. Like with any ROLBB post, make sure you look at these pictures through a pinhole in a condom to protect yourself from the high-levels of skankness. Grab a rubber and join me after the jump. JUMP!!!!
Tommy Girl said that he's no longer opening up his shit hole about evil anti-depressants, but it looks like he passed down the batshit crazy torch to fellow Scientologist Bijou Phillips. Bijou has some advice for any of you who suffer from a severe case of the sads: stop being such a pussy and get the fuck over it! Basically.
In the new issue of Paper (via UsWeekly), Bijou said, "My grandparents didn't take any pills, and they were fine. Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a fucking pansy."
This is coming from a bitch whose whole family has self-medicated with the street anti-depressant know as CRACK (and a bunch of other shit too). Why doesn't she tell her sister Mackenzie to just get over being a damn crackhead. You know, eat a barley cookie, shake off the shakes and move on.
I wish Bijou would just buck up and get over being such a dumbstupidwhorecuntslutdickhead, but that's not going to happen.
And since we're on the subject of Bijou, I want to quote one of my favorite comments ever left by a commenter on this site a while ago. They said: "Bijou Phillips would fuck a snake!" No truer words have ever been written. And she would totally fuck a depressed snake too.
Which tiny celeb makes his aides pick out all of the red sweeties out of a bag of M&M's because that's the only color he likes? (3am Girls)
Does Mini-Me even have aides (not that kind)? He's my guess, but if this is true, then I hope they are giving him the mini M&M's. He could choke on the regular-sized ones!
Which spoilt brat from rock royalty was into ‘brown’ so much with her musician boyfriend last year that they were both essentially kidnapped by management and locked in a house in Provence and fed nothing but lettuce and oranges until they’d gone through withdrawal? (Holy Moly!)
Oranges for Peaches?
Which d-bag actor beats his beautiful action-star girlfriend? (Gatecrasher)
Silver and Fox?! Eeesh.
Everyone knows that the first rule of hiring celebrity staff is to have them sign airtight confidentiality agreements. Which couple is going to regret dropping the ball on this one? One of the former staff members of this famous couple used to run errands for his bosses. One time he was given money to go to a specialty shop to purchase full-body latex suits for the couple. The suits weren’t for scuba diving. They were for bedroom play. This is just one of many wacky tales this person can tell about Mr. and Mrs. Kinky. Much more to come. (Blind Gossip)
Brangie? Their bodyguard is apparently shopping around a tell-all. And latex suits are so distracting. How can you fully enjoy the peen?
Birthday: I don't know, but I hope he gets a giant cupcake on that day!
Birth Name: Stains
Original Date of HS of the Day: January 24, 2009
Claim to Fame: Stains became an instant star after The Soup posted a clip of an evil witch teasing him with a tray of beautiful white cupcakes with sprinkles (!!!). Stains was able to resist but I'm sure he put a spell on that bitch Victoria with his hypnotic eyes. Not only is Victoria allergic to cupcakes now, but Stains has banished her to the cupcake field. Don't fuck with Stains.
Where is he now? Probably still trying to eat those cupcakes with his eyes.
Why is he HS of the Week? Because any bitch who can restrain themselves from an eating a cupcake for that long deserves every accolade this world has to offer. And Stains and Spaghetti Cat totally need to star in a remake of Milo & Otis.
Sylvester Stallone looks like he should be stuffed into an Oh Boy! Oberto bag and sold at a rest stop - Towleroad
Chipmunk in a bikini! And those Chanel earrings means she's extra classy - Egotastic!
Shouldn't Amy Fisher have a catchy porn name like Amy Fisther or Long Dong Island Holita? - Hollywood Tuna
Horse on a horse (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Marisa Tomei's dude looks like he could leave a bitch dickmatized - Just Jared
This is how Posh does casual - Lainey Gossip
America's Next Top JCPenney Plus Size Model! - Jezebel
Spaghetti Cat should obviously be the 4th Angel - Popsugar
RiRi brings her alien crotch game to Mexico - Cityrag
CJZ looks like she has trouble chewing solid foods - Hollywood Rag
The Empress of Lucite's powers have reached a new zenith! Shauna Sand was able to float above the sand without her exquisite lucite heels! I mean, she must have had a lucite pussy plug in her precious oyster, because how else would this be possible? Lucite is her oxygen. And you should also know that these pictures were taken in the dead of night in Miami. But when the most gorgeous woman in the world came outside, the sun peeked out to get one more glimpse of perfection.