Josh Duhamel and Fuggie Fug are officially man and methface! Everyone, piss your pants in honor of this glorious marriage! Go ahead, let is flow! That's what Fuggie would want.
People says that the two made it legal at some grapeyard in Malibu. By People's description, the wedding sounds like some tacky shit. Fuggie wore Dolce & Gabbana and carried a bouquet of white flowers, crystals
meth rocks. She had 10 bridesmaids all dressed in black. The reception tent was filled with forest trees and lights.
The guests included Becky Romjin Lettuce, Jerry O'Connell, AC Slater, Kid Pebble, Slash, Kate Hudson, Vanessa Marcil and some other stupid whores. That guest list is probably going to be the cast of Dancing with the Has-Beens in like 5 years. Real talk.
If Fuggie didn't invite her bitches from Wild Orchid and Kids Inc., she has a heart of caca (and meth). Actually, they probably were there. They served canapes during cocktail hour.
I'm sure Josh and Fuggie's marital union will last foreeeeever. Or until Josh meets and falls in love with this hot methface.
It's booze and rant time. I meant to do an open post earlier, but I got caught up in cleaning my nasty ass oven. That led to me organizing the spices in my damn cabinet. And then I cleaned out my fridge. Being a grown-up is so gross. You know you're an adult when you care about your cupboards and shit.
Anyway, here's the open post brought to you by this accidental weatherpussy. In Germany, a cat found its way into a TV studio while a weatherdude was doing his thing. The dude picked up the pussy and continued on with his shit. A dynamic duo has been born! I'm pretty sure this how Regis & Kathie Lee met. Kathie drunkenly wandered into some random studio.
Seriously though, this weatherpussy is just trying to become the next Spaghetti Cat!
So talk about the weatherpussy or whatever the hell else you want. The topic is ooooopen.
Oh, fuck me with a rotten carrot. Prince Hot Ginge has fucked up yet again. A while ago, he thought it would be really highfuckinglarious to wear a Nazi uniform. He got dick slapped for that shit and apologized. Well, this time he got busted saying a few racial slurs on camera. This is so typical. I always get excited in the genitals for royal douchebags. A real ROYAL douchebag this time.
The News of the World put together a very charming video of Hot Ginge while on duty with his army comrades. In it, he calls one of his Asian friends “our little Paki friend." Oh, but he doesn't stop there. In another touching moment, he tells another officer, who is wearing a camouflage veil on his head, “Fuck me, you look like a raghead." Throughout the video, he says shit like "All is good in the Empire." And he also pretends he's on a phone call with the Queen while hanging out in a field in Cyprus with his fellow cadets. He ends the fake call by saying, “Send my love to the corgis. I’ve got to go, got to go, bye. God Save You . . . yeah, that’s great.” The News of the World calls it "mocking" the Queen, but I see it as him just trying to be funny. I mean, douchewater is running through his veins!
It totally grosses me out that I got a tingly feeling in the loins, when another dude asks Hot Ginge if his pubes are ginge. He answers, "Yes." Why oh why did my tongue get all hot when he said that? AND his voice even makes my nipples purr. But what's coming out of his mouth makes them frown. The only words that should ever be allowed to come out of his mouth are: "Make sweeeeet sweeeet sweeeet love to me, Michael K." That's it! All other words are off limits.
Clarence House issued a statement saying "so sowwy" for Prince Hot Ginge's fuckery. They said: "Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be—and is extremely sorry for any offence his words might cause. However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend. Prince Harry is using the term ‘raghead’ to mean Taliban.”
Below is the video. The News of the World also has some pics of him licking and kissing on another comrade while telling him "I love you." Yes, Ginge. More of this sexy shit and less of that other crap. If I wasn't mad at him, I would want him to lick on me. But he's going to have to make it up to me. Make it up and them make out with me. Ugh. I need to quit that bitch!
Rojo Caliente did it! She beat out Abandoned Couch and won round 3 for Hot Slut of the Year with 50% of the votes. Abandoned Fucking Couch got 23%. WTF. I guess I can kind of understand. I've laid down on my fair share of abandoned couches while drunk. Sometimes you just really want to sit on a couch while fighting the booze barf and bam! There's a couch on the sidewalk. And this one did save a car..... Anyway, Rojo's win rounds out the final 3 which includes La Pequena and Spaghetti Cat. This is the greatest final 3 in Dlisted history!
Voting will start on Monday, because you need time to really think about who you will vote for. This is the biggest decision of your LIFE. And if you believe in reincarnation, this is the biggest decision you will make in all your LIVES. All.
A source told The National Enquirer (via SS) that Brit Brit told Agent La Choy and Agent Bacos to tell her what Victoria is like and if she spends the night. The source went on to say, "She has also asked her bodyguards to milk information out of Kevin's bodyguards and quizzed his nanny and friends. She's been texting people, asking what's up with him and Victoria."
K-WellFed might know what's up, because according to some skanks he loves it when Brit Brit wants him back.
Yeah, right. He doesn't know shit! Look at the picture above. He has no idea that Agent La Choy and Agent Bacos are hiding under his triple-XL bull dyke shorts. They are making Mama Cheetos proud.
Here's K-WellFed and that Victoria ho going bowling in Los Angeles the other night.
This I don't like. Why is MiserAlba making that happy clown face? I don't trust it. It's making me protect my neck with my hands. It's like a scene out of a horror movie. You know, when the killer maniacally laughs at their victims before shanking them in the froat. When MiserAlba smiles, the world shakes.
Here's more of MiserAlba, her serial killer grin and her daughter, The Honorable Marie Warren, at the park yesterday. I also threw in some pictures of her the other day in some purple 80s toddler pants from OshKosh B'Gosh. Fergie Ferg should look into getting some of those. They can easily hide a diaper or two.
Russell Crowe's movie about Robin Hood is falling apart, because he's a fat old sack of fugness. That's what Page Six claims anyway. According to their sources, Russell's movie Nottingham is a fucking mess, because the bitch is not losing the chunk. Shooting was supposed to start in February, but now that's been pushed to April, because mega slut Sienna Miller quit that bitch.
A source said, "Russell never lost the weight he put on for 'Body of Evidence' - and so the love scenes between him and Sienna would have been laughable. He's so old and fat and she's so young and gorgeous. It's just . . . gross."
A love scene between Sienna and a Seawolf (Russell does kind of look like one) would be believable, because she has a nonpartisan pussy. Sienna has a gift that most sluts would give up their no gag reflex for. She has the ability to make any fuck session work despite any odds. They need to give the whore the credit she deserves!
Anyslutty, the producers are now looking for a fatter, older ho to play Maid Marian. Um. Harvey Fierstein is available!
The movie also has other problems thanks to Russell. He demanded a complete rewrite so that most of the movie's focus is on his big ass. A source said he's also trying to get director Ridley Scott fired.
A studio bitch confirmed that Sienna busted out, but said Ridley is staying.
This is easily solved. Work with what you've got. Bring in Kristie Alley, change the title to Eatingham, rename Russell's character Robin Food, and instead of a Kraft services table, get Claim Jumper to cater that shit. BAM! Problem solved.
Dolores Fonzi, Gael Garcia Bernal's special friend, popped out a baby boy on Thursday in Madrid. That's what Gael's rep person told UsWeekly. They've been dating since 2007, they met in 2001, they made a baby 9 months ago, blah...blah...blah...
These two are pretty fucking cute. So little. So cute. He's the size of a lima bean, so she's probably the size of a lentil. I just want to carry them in my palm to the nearest Toys 'R Us where I will buy them tiny clothes from the Polly Pocket section. I will dress them up and then throw them in my teacup and watch them swim! They are so adorable. That means their baby is like microscopic! I want a microbaby!
And as for their new baby's name - they haven't released it yet.
Why hasn't a celebwhore named their baby Concepcion yet? I'm still waiting for that! And you know how I feel about the name Ethel. I know they had a boy, but if Gael and Dolores named him Concepcion Ethelita, I would explode like a swap meet pinata.
Jill Larson - I went to see Gypsy last night with Patti Lupone (it was really hot) and this got me thinking about Life Goes On. Dorothy Lyman was also in that shit and she was the original Opal on All My Children. This of course led my brains to Jill Larson, because she plays Opal #2 on that shit. When I was a little homo growing up and would watch AMC during "sick" days from school, I would wish that Opal would do my hair one day.
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