Archives

Matt Lauer (51)
Meredith Vieira (55)
Kristin Kreuk (26)
Eliza Dushku (28)
Tyrese Gibson (30)
Laila Ali (31)
Tiger Woods (33)
Jason Behr (35)
Daniel Sunjata (37)
Jay Kay (39)
Meredith Monroe (40)
Heidi Fleiss (43)
Tracey Ullman (49)
Sheryl Lee Ralph (52)
Jeff Lynne (61)
Patti Smith (62)
Fred Ward (66)
James Burrows (68)
Russ Tamblyn (74)

Both Sean Penn and "Slip me a" Mickey "so that I can deal with your face" Rourke will most likely get nominated for Oscars this year for Leche and The Wrestler (with a Hatchetface). Apparently, Mickey thinks it's queer that everyone is getting wet over Sean's performance.

The Daily Beast got a hold of a text message allegedly sent by Mickey to some industry-type calling Sean Penn a gay hater. Yes, the same Mickey who has been known to throw around the "faggot" word once or twice. In the text, Mickey wrote: “Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i kno (sic)."

Mickey's spokeswhore said she knows nothing of the text, but went on to say that Mickey and Sean are best girlfriends 4EVA. Mickey even showed up to the NYC premiere of Milk to support Sean. Blah. Blah.

Mickey obviously wants to make gross love to his own Oscar statue and he should keep his mouth shut if he wants this dream to come true. He's helping Sean's case by calling him a homo hater. I mean, a homophobe convincingly playing one of the most famous gay dudes in history? Give Sean the Oscar!

Actually, fuck those two. The Oscar should go to the chihuahua who played Delgado in Beverly Hills Chihuahua. That bitch deserves it.

I read this story about Drew Barrymore's new piece on UsWeekly and decided to glance at the comments. It seems that some think that Drew is the whore of Hollywood because she's fucked around with a few guys. I have this argument all the time on what constitutes a real big slut. From what I know, Drew isn't a member of the slut club. She's probably dated or effed a handful of dudes in the past year. That isn't slutty! That's kind of pilgrim-ish actually! So how do you know if you're a big whore? Well, let's walk away from Drew for a bit so that I can give you an example:

One time I went out on a blind date with some dude. Now before I even laid eyes on him, I decided I would do sex to him because I was feeling "needy" that night. So I finally met up with him and the dude was fugly with a capital F-U-G-L-Y. And he fucking smelled like cheese butter. You know when the sweat collects under the fat rolls and creates butter? That's what the bitch smelled like. He didn't even have a good personality. He barely talked and was really shy. Even though he was a damn troll with the personality of a lima bean, I never once considered not doing sexy times with him. I mean, I had to hold my nose while we were doing it, because he smelled so rancid.

Only after it was all said and jizzed did I sort of regret it, but then I just shrugged it off because I got mine. When you'll screw someone who makes you dry heave, that's when you pretty much know you are a big slut with no self-respect. Yay for sluts!

Okay, back to Drew, who is not a slut. UsWeekly says she's boinking Jason Segel from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and How I Met Your Mother. TMZ has a video of them singing "Rainbow Connection" during karaoke night at the Brass Monkey Bar in L.A. A source said, "Drew and Jason were obviously dating because they were kissing and touching each other throughout the night."

Another source said that Drew and Jason are pretty casual. They are just "friends with benefits." Wait. She has friends with benefits? SLUT! No, I'm joking.

Drew seems to have a type. She likes the dudes who giggle and cracks jokes while you're blowing them. Tom Green, The Mac Dude and Jason Segel all seem the type to break into stand up while fucking. So Jason and Drew make sense to me. And since we're talking about Jason Segel, a while ago Defamer posted a picture of what they said is his penis. Holler if you see it. I'm still looking for it, because I see no peen there.

And here's Drew doing her worst SamRo impression in L.A. the other day.

Well, there you have it. 18-year-old Bristol Palin gave birth to a boy baby yesterday in Palmer, Alaska and the world didn't end. Go figure. Bristol's memaw's sister opened her fat mouth and confirmed the news to People. According to her, they have named their kid Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

Tripp? Has Bristol been watching Dirty Sexy Money? The name Tripp fits right in with all the other Palin child names. Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig and Tripp! They really do sound like the name of Pottery Barn candle scents.

And you can throw moose pie at me if you want to, but I really do think Levi Johnston is kind of hot in a "let's just use spit instead" kind of way.

Xenu no!! In an interview with The Sun, Tommy Girl says he wants to use Stepford Katie's uterus like a Duggar's to have 7 more tiny Scientologists.

Tommy's peen hole must be sewn shut to keep the Scientolospermies from creeping out. This planet cannot handle anymore.

Tommy said, “I want ten children. I love kids. I feel really fortunate to have the teenagers and a two and a half-year-old. It’s a great dynamic.”

Katie's going to get more action from a turkey baster than a real peen. When she's at Crate & Barrel and spots the basters, she probably gets all excited and shit. What has become of our Joey Potter?

In the rest of the interview, Tommy Girl tries to come off as a real family woman who loves his wife. He says, “I’m a great parent. I want to be with my kids, and they get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do when I was growing up. My own father wasn’t there much for me and I want to be a different dad to my kids. My family is the most important thing in my life. Married life is very good, very lovely. I feel lucky to have Kate as my wife. She’s an extraordinary woman. She is funny and smart and she likes the same things that I do. She’s a very strong, gracious woman, and a great comedian."

Katie is a great comedian?! Yeah, she's a real regular Groucho Marx. The sad thing looks like she has the sense of humor of a....well...of a Scientologist! But I guess you have to be somewhat of a comedian to marry that big bag of dildos!

And of course Tommy wants more kids. How the fuck is he going to pay his lube and lingerie bills if he doesn't have anymore kids to whore out?

Here's the future Katie Holmes Duggar out with the world famous Suri Cruise yesterday.

Birthday: 1967ish
Age: 41ish
Birth Name: Christine Marinoni

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 25, 2008
Claim to Fame: Rojo is known for giving the world the gift of grace and beauty. She is the light in all of our lives. She is the reason we breathe.

Where is she now? Probably at Lowe's. Home Depot is way too cliche.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because if I didn't make this happen, Dlisted would collapse. And because I get at least a dozen e-mails a week asking for more Rojo! Sorry, whores. Rojo is like a lesbian unicorn. She is a rare miracle that only comes when the rainbow is low or when Men's Warehouse is having a clearance sale.

What's the number to CPS?! Salma Hayek is holding an unlit cigarette in her mouth around her child! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ashley Jizzdale and her clit nose on Self Magazine - Egotastic!

Kelly Rowland still exists! - Just Jared

Somebody tell Katie Holmes that the 90s ended a while ago - Lainey Gossip

Beards, beards, beards galore in Portland - Towleroad

Jakey, Reese and RDJ's Ojai orgy - Popsugar

A lot of dumb fucks googled Kim Kardashian this year - Hollywood Tuna

Brit's probably just trying to get out the old Cheeto residue - Hollywood Rag

Another HoHan upskirt! - Cityrag

Gis and Tom Brady are not engaged.... - I'm Not Obsessed

But Zooey Deschanel is - ICYDK

The Dancing with the Has-Beens curse continues - SOW

Shocking! One of John Mayer's favorite things does not include famewhoring - Socialite Life

I think I need to go and put my no-no in a tub of ice, because it's about to burn off from looking at these pictures of a shirtless Prince Hot Ginge dripping with pure sex while in Mauritius with that prude Chelsy Davy. Why is Chelsy not on that shit like Wino on a crack pipe? If you were at the beach with a shirtless Prince Hot Ginge, your knees would be in the sand and you'd be polishing the royal scepter. Fuck. Prince Hot Ginge would have to get a taser gun to keep me off his lightning rod. Even then, I'd still suck while getting electrocuted. Suck through the pain.

And can you believe Chelsy's just giving him a puny hug like they are first cousins or some shit? For shame! What a damn waste of a hot ginge.

Hopefully that blue noodle Naomi Campbell is carrying will be used for pleasure and not pain on her billionaire boyfriend. I don't know how that bitch caught herself a hot Russian billionaire, but she better do whatever it takes to keep his ass. The only thing better than a hot billionaire is a Russian one. Every gift they give you is probably covered in diamonds and gold. Instead of giving you a credit card to go shopping with, they give you solid gold bars. We all need a hot Russian billionaire in our lives. Naomi's Russian billionaire probably cums money and vodka. He is absolutely perfect.

Naomi better drug and marry this one before it's too damn late! And if she ever thinks of throwing a Blackberry at him, she better beat herself with it instead. Wait. Maybe he's into getting beat down by Naomi. That would make sense. If that's the case, Naomi must have somehow done right by the gods, because she might be the luckiest bitch alive.

Here's Naomi and her hot piece of pure gold in the Maldives with Stefano Gabbano and his toy. If they had beaches in West Hollywood, this is what that shit would look like. Speedos, long tubes and Naomi Campbell!

Why the fuck in skank disease hell isn't there a Hazmat tent over Wonky McValtrex because of that sore on her lip. For those of us not in Australia at the moment, we still have time to take shelter in our anti-Wonky safe houses, before the skank fumes seeping out of her sore make it to us. Sadly, those in Australia better head to the nearest free clinic, because you might have been infected with the wonk just by breathing in the same air as her. You'll know you've been diseased by Parasite when you're eye starts going wonky and your genitals start foaming at the mouth.

Here's the nasty piece of trash with her fake BFF terrorizing Australia while going to dinner today and shopping for fugly shit yesterday.