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Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Sienna Miller Is So Dramatic

Sienna Miller entered some building in Los Angeles yesterday when the paparazzi swarmed her ass. Instead of ignoring them or even telling them to go fuck a pile of shit, Sienna covered her face and tried to walk through closed elevator doors. Seriously, she sexually violated those elevator doors. Those poor elevator doors have the herp now.

Sienna needs to stop hiding and hold her skank head up high. She should be proud to be a hardcore slut with a bulldozer vagina. The only time us sluts put our heads down is when we're sucking dick. Or maybe Sienna just had a bad outbreak on her mouth?

In other homewrecky news, TMZ reports that Balthazar Getty's wife, Rosetta, will not file for divorce. Rosetta thinks she'll be better off financially if she just sticks with Balthazar's skeezer ass. Balthazar hasn't gotten any money from his family's fortune, but he is doing well thanks to Brothers & Sisters. If they divorce, Rosetta won't be entitled to any of his future earnings.

And Balthazar's family feels bad about one of their own leaving Rosetta with four kids to raise, so they are helping her out in the cash department.

Balthazar probably doesn't mind. If he ever divorces Rosetta, Sienna will probably leave him. Sienna's motto is: "If you ain't got no ring, my pussy don't sing!" Or something like that.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Diddy Owns A Jet Wing


Dumbass on a webcam alert! Diddy has taken time out from his busy schedule of moisturizng the sexy to respond to the claims that he lied about owning a private jet. While watching the video, try not to focus on his eyebrows. I made that mistake and spent most of the time obsessing about how I'd like to pluck his brows clean.

Diddy says in his vblog that his private jet is registered under the name "Ciroc Obama" and he only owns the wing. He really should have included a laugh track in this video, because the only thing I heard after his joke was the sound of my dog wet farting. Now Diddy knows how I feel.

And make sure to watch it until the end. Diddy singing "biiiiittttcheeeeeees," has put him in the same douche stratosphere as Spencer Pratt.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Brenda Has Better Things To Do Anyway

Brenda Walsh's stay in Beverly Hills will soon come to an end. EW reports that Brenda will only do the four episodes she originally signed up for. Brenda said she's the one who chose not to do anymore episodes. Uh huh. She said: "They asked me to do a lot more. I'm in the middle of pitching a show, so I couldn't commit to more than I did." Translation: "It's getting harder and harder for me to not punch Kelly Taylor in her smug peach-face. Many hours of anger management taught me to just walk away."

And what show is Brenda pitching anyway? If it's not "The Brenda Walsh Hour Of Spectacular Beat Downs" then I'm not into it. I only like Shannen as Brenda Walsh. Actually, I take that back. She was sort of hot on that disaster called "North Shore."

Brenda may be leaving, but that homewrecking tramp Kelly Taylor is staying. She signed on to 6 more episodes on top of the 5 she's already agreed to do. Gross.

With Brenda off the show, what's the point of watching anymore? Naomi better step up her bitch game or I'm officially deleting this shit from my Tivo "to do" list. And I mean it this time! Sort of. Okay, I don't.

P.S. - Jim Walsh is totally the father of Kelly's kid.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

They're All Overpaid

Nicky Kidman, Jenny Garner and Tommy Girl are laughing all the way to the bank and they don't even deserve it. Forbes put out their annual list of the 10 Most Overpaid Movie Whores in Hollywood and these three topped the list.

Forbes came up with the top 10 by looking at the ho's last three major movies. They didn't count supporting roles, limited releases or movies where the ho got paid less than $5 million. They compared the whore's salary with the movie's profits (if there were any).

Not surprisingly, the box office poison queen, Nicky Kidman, was numero uno. I think she injects some of that poison into her forehead.

Here's Forbes top 10:

1 - Nicky Kidman - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $1 of gross income.
2. Jennifer Garner - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $3.60 of gross income.
3. Tommy Girl - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $4 of gross income.
4. Pizza Face Diaz - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $4 of gross income.
5. JLo - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $4.10 of gross income.
6. Jim Carrey - For every dollar he was paid, his movies averaged $4.11 of gross income.
7. Nic Cage - For every dollar he was paid, his movies averaged $4.16 of gross income.
8. Drew Barrymore - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $4.38 of gross income.
9. Will Ferrell - For every dollar he was paid, his movies averaged $4.67 of gross income.
10. Cate Blanchett - For every dollar she was paid, her movies averaged $4.97 of gross income.

They should have done a Most Deserving list instead. There would only be 3 bitches on that list: Marie (aka Snobby Salesperson #2) from Pretty Woman, Chuck Norris (he would end me with his cold stare if I left him out) and Otis from Milo & Otis.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

What The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?

Obviously, my question is not directed at Posh Spice. She still looks like a hungry power bottom, but her black robe is fine. I'm talking about Marc Jacobs' purple velvet skirt and his gladiator mandals. I think he's wearing the tree skirt from Mariah Carey's purple fantasy-themed Christmas tree.

Don't tell me we're wearing skirts in public now. My walnuts would love to hang out in the open air, but I don't think my dignity could take it. Yeah, what dignity? Shut up! I fucking heard that.

And why didn't the paps get any upskirts of Marc?! I want to know what color panties he's wearing underneath that fugness.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Kim Kardashian Makes Drunk Bitches Go Crazy

I thought I was the only dumb bitch who got the sudden urge to hit a ho with a vase while watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." It's good to know that I'm not alone.

46-year-old Naomi Masuda of Port St. Lucie, Florida was arrested after she attacked her boyfriend during an argument about Kim KardASSIAN's reality show.

Naomi's boyfriend was chilling out, watching his favorite reality show featuring the porn star with a fat ass, when Naomi freaked out and said he was “being disrespectful by watching the Kardashian show." She's right, he was disrespecting himself by watching that trash. And yes, I'm guilty of the same crime!

The two started arguing over his fascination with Kim and his fondness for porn. Naomi, being the crazy bitch that she is, then started throwing things at him, including a vase that hit him in the face and caused his nose to bleed. The dude also said Naomi damaged a bunch of his personal shit.

Cops described Naomi was being "highly intoxicated." She admitted to throwing a vase at him, but said it was an "accident." I love that shit. "Yes, I threw the vase at him. No, I didn't mean to. The vase just leaped out of my hands."

That excuse is almost as sad as the fact that Naomi got arrested because of Kim Kardashian's skanky ass! Oh Naomi. You and your gorgeous eyebrows deserve better.

Source

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Brit Brit Gets Her Weave Cleaned For Vogue

The "Brit Brit is A-OK" train is rolling along! Photographer Patrick Demarchelier took a few pictures of Brit Brit yesterday for Vogue. Yes, THAT Vogue. I'm really hoping the pictures are for Vogue's "Ode to Cheeto" issue.

This is one of the first times, in a long time, that I haven't gone cross-eyed from looking at Brit's weave. It usually looks like a tangled up ball of greasy yarn. It probably took an industrial-sized fan, two hot plates and a garden rake to straighten that shit out. Their efforts paid off, but you know by the time she got home, it was back to looking like a big bowl of coleslaw.

In other Cheeto news, Brit Brit told OK! Magazine that she already has a new album coming out this December. She said, “It’s my best work ever." Better than "E-Mail My Heart"? I doubt it.

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

I'm Sure Disney Is Already Working On It


In an interview with the Associated Press, Matt Damon doesn't hold back when talking about Sarah Palin. Matt called the Palin pick a "disaster," and that there's a good chance she will become President which is a "scary thing." Matt also doesn't understand why more people aren't talking about it. Um...does he ever go on the internet?

Matt went on to say that the whole thing is a really bad Disney movie. He said, "The hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down Vladimir Putin... It's totally absurd... It's a really terrifying possibility."

Come on, Matt! What do you take Disney for? It's probably already in development under the working title "President Mommy." Megan Mullally already passed on it, so they are talking to Geena Davis. I can already see the poster. Geena Davis is holding a soccer ball in front of the White House while her kids are pulling at her skirt and her husband (played by Rick Moranis) is rolls his eyes at her. Vladimir Putin can play himself. It'll be a hit!

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

Afternoon Crumbs

Say it ain't so! No "Arrested Development" movie?! Blame Michael Cera - Lainey Gossip

Kiki Dunst or Elisha Cuthbert? - Hollywood Tuna

The gayest cardboard cutout ever - Towleroad

Solange looking lovely......until she put on some leggings - Just Jared

Mischa Barton is singular - Hollywood Rag

Pizza Face smiles - Popsugar

3 scary words: Jennifer Aniston upskirt - Egotastic!

Matthew McConaughey is suffocating his lil' package - Jezebel

Shirley Manson is bad ass - Cityrag

Hayden feeling up her troll chichis (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Michael Caine might be confused - IDLYITW

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, September 10th 2008

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For September 10th!

"Porn on the 4th of July," starring Tom Cruisin'- LA Angel

Runners-up:

The army's new policy "Don't ask, don't smell" - The Real JB

If you fart at the exact same time I pull the trigger, we could end this war and go home. - Playa Saya

Posted by: Michael K