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Does this look like the kind of troll that would tell a lie? YES! All trolls lie. They lie and eat children. They also say "prune" every time they take a picture. Seriously, I hate that every picture I see of a Trollsen, I picture them saying "prune." I hate prunes! They make your ass vomit uncontrollably.

Anyway, the NY Post published a story claiming the feds want to speak to Mary-Kate Olsen about Heath Ledger's death, specifically how he got a hold of OxyContin. MK agreed to only talk to their asses if they granted her immunity.

Her lawyer issued this statement in response:

"Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger's home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them

Regarding the Government's investigation, at Ms. Olsen's request, we have provided the Government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger's death and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.

We don't know the source of the information being quoted in the media regarding the Government's inquiry, but these descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate."

Okay, so she doesn't know anything, but she won't go and talk to the feds in person without getting immunity? Oh, I see what's going on here. The feds need to learn how to do things the "Trollsen" way. They have to ask her troll ass a riddle. If they confuse her, she'll them what she knows. If she answers the riddle correctly, they have to let her nibble on their toe nails.

P.S. - Don't even think of e-mailing me with (read this in a know-it-all voice) "By the way, that's Ashley in the pic." Who gives a whale's penis about that shit!? It could be Ashley, it could be MK. It could also be my left nutsack for all I care! Save it!

Vadge, please take a hard look at these pictures. If you don't stop, this is what your arms could look like. Actually, her arms sort of do look like that.

Seriously, what in roid hell is going on with Sly Stallone's arms and legs? Just looking at these pictures makes my own veins all tingly. If you touched one of his veins, it would touch you back.

Imagine what his veiny dick looks like. Ribbed for your pleasure. A bitch could lose a tooth or three from sucking on his roid stick. His pulsating veins would knock em right out. You'd have to wear a fucking mouth guard.

Here's more of the always sexy Sly with his family in Ibizia. And just for the record, I'd hit it.

You already know this, but I'll tell you anyway. Oprah richer than all of us combined times a hundred. Shit, times a hundred thousand. TVGuide has put out their annual list of the riches whores in television and it's no surprise that Oprah came out on top.

She reportedly makes $385 million a year in TV shit ALONE. No wonder Gayle King has stuck around so long. I'd lick Oprah's vag sweat too if she gave me even 1% of her fortune.

What the hell do you do with all that money? I mean, I feel like we should all get together and sue her for some stupid reason. We can sue her for being too rich. Her wealth has caused us to feel bad about ourselves and we can't work because of it. She'll probably settle right away. Then we can take our settlement, buy an island, build a lucite mansion with a chicken cutlet garden, hire a dozen cholitas to entertain us and live the rest of our lives in heavenly bliss. Make it happen.

Other dumb skanks on the list include:

Simon Cowell - $50 million a year
David Letterman - $35 million a year
Charlie Sheen - $825k per episode for "Two and a Half Men"
William Peterson - $600k per episode for "CSI"
Mariska Hargitay - $400k per episode for "Law & Order: SVU"
The Simpsons cast - $400k per episode
Kyra Sedgwick - $275k per episode for "The Closer"

Screw all of those whores! They may have a ton of money, but they don't have what we have. Oh, who am I fooling? Money is everything.

VIA UsWeekly

TyTy Baby was definitely having an acid flashback when she came up with this fuckery! And TyTy must have royally pissed off the bitch who photoshopped this shit. They made her look like a slow clown who had one too many bong hits. Someone is going to lose their life over this. Believe it.

This mess is actually beyond Photoshop. It looks like it was drawn using colored pencils.

And most of these new broads look like recycled versions of Top Model skanks from seasons past.

UsWeekly recently claimed Saint Angelina and Brad Pitt conceived the twin messiahs through in vitro. They even had experts say there was less than a 1% chance she could conceive twins naturally.

Angie Jo told Hello! Magazine that they were shocked about the rumors and couldn't stop laughing about it. Why do I picture her laughing haughtily with a glass of champange in one hand while petting Maddox's head?

She said, "If they had been conceived through IVF, we would have been happy to discuss it. But we have been fortunate never to have had fertility problems."

Translation: "We're perfect, we're gods, and don't you forget it."

And on a different note, how much do you want to make a bet that Jennifer Aniston spent her morning driving around to various newsstands and writing "Why So Homewrecky?" on Angie's face on all the People magazine covers. She should've called me. I would've driven the getaway car.

We almost lost of one of the greatest crackheads of our time! Dreamboat Doherty played the Live at Loch Lomond festival in Scotland this past Saturday. After his performance, Dreamy and a few friends took a row boat out to get to a VIP area. The Sun reports that when they were about 30 meters from safety, their boat sprang a leak and they all almost died! Luckily, they were pulled to safety.

Dreamy's manager, who was also in the boat, said, “We lost an oar and sprang a leak. It was freezing and we had a laugh, but it would not have been funny if someone died.” It probably would have been funny to those crackheads if someone died, because crackies find everything hilarious.

Hey, at least Dreamy got a bath. Unfortunately, that's bad news for the lake creatures who were probably smothered by Dreamy's stank. They are also going to have to close down that lake and declare it a toxic waste zone.

Holy fuck! An Empress of Lucite post directly following a Chicken Cutlet post! If only I had new pictures of Rojo Caliente. That would complete the triangle and Dlisted would explode. Or maybe I would explode? Not sure.

I know what you're thinking, but Shauna Sand meant to dress like a hooker hobo. If she doesn't try and cover up her extreme beauty, hundreds of men would instantly recognize her and beg for her hand in marriage. They would immediately commit suicide once she denied them. Shauna is saving lives by dressing like this. The woman is a saint.

She doesn't fool me. I still see the most elegant woman in the world underneath those rags.

And I also just realized why I adore her exquisite lucite heels so much. It's because they make her look like she's floating above the ground, like the beautiful angel she is.

International supermodel Phoebe Price was gracious enough to allow the cameras into her inner sanctum. No, I'm not talking about Robertson Blvd! I'm talking about her Chicken Cutlet Palace! As you know, PP is an extremely private person, so this is a rare glimpse into her chicken cutlet world. Strangely enough, her life inside her home is practically like her life outside. She poses with inanimate objects all day while looking drop-dead gorgeous. Seriously, I think she gets up, poses with her toothbrush, catwalks to her cutlet rotator,, poses with it, and so on.....

I especially love the picture of PP posing with her younger self. I think that picture wants to cry. Cry tears of joy, of course! Who knew that little girl would grow up to become a sex symbol for the poultry industry and an inspiration to one homo named Michael K millions?!

PP is seen here wearing the stunning ensemble she wore to the Teen Choice Awards. Yes, she went to the Teen Choice Awards! The show could not go on without their official seat warmer! It's just not possible.

I won't say anything more. I will let these beautiful pictures do the talking. Let them take you on a journey. An intimate journey into the life of an international star.....

All kinds of hot: Doogie Howser in leather - Towleroad

Bettie Paige she ain't! Petra Nemcova needs to remove the clip-on bangs - Hollywood Tuna

The chicks of the Teen Choice Awards - Popsugar

Cindy Crawford is still a hot piece in a bikini - Egotastic!

More leaked pictures of Miley Cyrus' prostitot pout - Just Jared

A tour of Chris Brown's tattoos - Cityrag

Megan Fox also babysits - IDLYITW

David Beckham's big stick. Okay, it's really a board, but I like the word "stick" better - Lainey Gossip

Pammy Anderson has banned close-up shots of her haggard face - Hollywood Rag

Ceiling Eyes and Horsey Montag are fake friends (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Playgirl, the magazine exclusively for homos, is shutting down and going all-web. Media Bistro (via Gawker) reports the January/February 2009 issue will be their last. After that, you can get it all on their website.

Where will I get glossy pictures of Photoshopped peen?! When I was 12 or 13, I stole at least 6 issues of Playgirl. My friend's mom worked at this one liquor store where they sold it and she was usually too wasted to notice me stealing it under a Cosmo mag. It was like Christmas looking at all the sausage. I think I got a few paper cuts on my tongue from it.

Oh well, at least we'll always have this terrifying cover of Kato Kaelin. Win a date with Kato? Did a suicide kit come with the prize?

Below are some other hot vintage covers of Playgirl. Lorenzo Lamas forever!!!