Who let the crackhead out of the bag?! Wino is supposed to be grounded! She is in so much fucking trouble. Daddy Wino is totally going to add on an extra week to her crackpipe restriction. She'll have to smoke her crack out of light bulbs.
Anyway, the Crackie of Camden was back to terrorizing the streets of London this morning. She stopped by a kosher food store to pick up some snacks and accidentally smudged the glass counter. She tried to clean it by rubbing her bony ass on it. Great, now they have to send that counter to the nearest toxic waste dump. It's ruined.
I totally miss Wino's filthy ass ballet slippers. The nurse shoes just aren't doing the trick. Although, the fact that she's kept them so clean looking this long is fucking mind-boggling.
The Empress of Lucite has offered us peons a chance to own a piece from her collection of elegant treasures. Shauna Sand is auctioning off an exquisite robe
bought from Linens N' Things on the exclusive and private website, eBay. The auction reads:
Playboy Playmate & TV & Film Star Shauna Sand's Size L Pink Frottier Cawo Robe worn during her Playboy Playmate shoot and an amazing one-of-a-kind photo of Shauna modeling the robe just for you autographed by Shauna herself and Certificate of Authenticity! Direct from Shauna's Bedroom to Your Doorstep!
An amazing bonus brought to you by Shauna herself! Shauna is also going to send you a one-of-a-kind photo of her modeling therobe just for you! Shauna has autographed the photo (in real ink!) especially for the winner! This photo can be found nowhere else on the planet!
What a collector's item!
I'm pretty sure Size L stands for Size LUXURY. And what the hell does "real ink" mean? Shauna probably means liquid gold, because that's the only thing she uses to sign things.
This isn't the first time Shauna has put her elegant goods up for sale. A couple of months ago, she tried to sell rocks on eBay! Speaker rocks! I envy the lucky bitch who owns those things.
If Shauna's royal robe isn't under my Christmas bonsai tree this year, I'm going to be livid. You whores better start putting your dimes together, because this auction is going to reach at least $1 million. Luxury like this doesn't come cheap!
Click here to bid! BID!!!!
WTF?! Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest was today and Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas did not win! Okay, she wasn't really expected to win, but she's the only reason why I watch this gross dry vomit fiesta. Sonya placed fourth or fifth or some shit. Oh well, she'll get them next year.
The 10-minute competition ended with Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi tying with 59 dogs each! The contest went into overtime and Chestnut and Kobayashi were given 5 dogs each. Whoever swallowed all 5 first, won. Chestnut won that bitch. It was rumored that Kobayashi was going to retire, but he denied it and said he'll be back next year.
I should enter that shit next year. I can probably swallow 10 weiners a minute....AT LEAST. Below is the clip of Chestnut and Kobayashi battling it out until the end. That shit is nasty.
It's been almost two weeks since my last post about international supermodel and "Hot Babe of the Year' Phoebe Price. I've been going through major withdrawals and I might have been caught "canoodling" with a raw chicken cutlet or two.
Seriously, where has PP been?! Maybe she was having her chicken cutlets rotated. No! Thanks to her pivotal role in "Get Smart," PP is a hot commodity in Hollywood! She was probably shooting some major feature film or posing for the cover of Elle Greenland.
I can breathe a sigh of relief now that I know Chicken Cutlets is alive and well. Here's PP at her day job as a valet outside of a TGIF Friday's. I kid, I kid. She's waiting for her cutlet mobile and showing off her exclusive photo spread in Star Magazine.
Vadge is hypnotizing A-Rod with some sort of kabbalalalalah voodoo spell. That's what A-Rod's buff ass wifey claims anyway. According to the NYDN, Cynthia Rodriguez has told her friends that Vadge is the reason why her marriage is in the shit box. Cynthia is currently shacking up at Lenny Kravitz's pad in Paris, because she doesn't want to deal with all the homo drama.
A friend of C-Hulk claims she found a letter from A-Rod to Vadge where he calls her "his true soulmate." Yeah, because both can probably bench press a Mormon family. C-Hulk reportedly told her friend, "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him. I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating." The Vadge strikes again! She definitely held A-Rod in her "vadge-choke-hold" and forced him to hand over his nuts to her. She did the same thing to Guy.
C-Hulk had a baby only 10 weeks ago. Her friend said that A-Rod was only with the baby for 10-minutes after she was born and then split for Vadge's tomb. 3 weeks later, he told his wifey that he was leaving her. Why didn't C-Hulk pick up a car and smash it on his head?! She's capable of it.
The friend went on to say, "Cynthia was so innocent. She thought he just respected [Madonna]...and said, 'I respected her too - her creativity and ability to reinvent herself. I never dreamed this 49-year-old woman was anything more than a friend."
There's only way to solve all of this. You know what I'm going to suggest, right? CAGE FIGHT! Imagine a Vadge and She-Hulk cage fight? That would be like Godzilla vs. King Kong! On second thought, Vadge and She-Hulk should team up and pummel the shit out of A-Rod.
I'm totally doing this tonight - Cityrag
HoHan and SamRo's special prom night - Popsugar
Mandy More is single - Lainey Gossip
Asshole needs to give up this whole "knocked up hippie" look already - Just Jared
Tila Tequila is topless and airbrushed to hell and back - Hollywood Tuna
It looks like Halle Berry's bodacious chichis have simmered down - Egotastic!
Peta offers Sharon Stone a free brain scan - I'm Not Obsessed
Pink is still alive? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
LL Cool J hates shirts and wrinkles - A Socialite's Life
Peter Cook's mistress isn't so innocent - Celebitchy
Gayer than gay! Posh & Becks the musical?! - Holy Moly!
Not surprised - Mimi's marriage is already on the rocks - Hollywood Rag
Aaron Ferguson used to be an accountant on The Rachael Ray Show, but claims he lost his job due to his eating disorder. Aaron filed papers in a Manhattan court claiming he's suffered from anorexia for six years and his supervisor constantly verbally abused him because of it. In court papers, Aaron says his boss made comments like "Anorexics are sick in the head," and, "Anorexics should not be able to work."
Aaron said he complained to the higher-ups several times, but they never did shit about it. He started working for the show in July 2007 and was "pushed out" in October 2007. He said he was "punished for complaining."
He wants $1 million.
This is what pisses me off. Aaron doesn't name Rachael Ray's EVOO ass in the lawsuit! Who cares if that annoying skank has nothing to do with this. She is the root of all evil and he should sue her for $100 billion while he has the chance. He also better watch it, because Rachael knows scary hos in high places (Oprah).
This is definitely excellent news. The New York Post reports that Paula Abdul's bug-eyed ex-boyfriend, J.T. Torregiani, is in talks to be the next "The Bachelor." He talks?! I just assumed he communicated through grunts and pointing. That's why he lasted so long with Crazy Abdul.
A source said that 33-year-old J.T. was asked a couple of years ago to by the producers of the show, but he met Crazy so he turned down their offer. The two broke up last month, because whatever Paula drugged him with finally wore off and he realized who he was waking up to every morning.
J.T. is a partner at The Dolce Group, a restaurant group in Los Angeles founded by Mike Boogie from Big Brother.
"The Bachelor" is good shit, because it tries to be all high-class and shit, but it's just as trashy as "Flavor of Love!" J.T. and his crystal ball eyes will fit right in. I mean, he's basically going from dating one major crazy to dating 25 major crazies. He's been well trained by Paula.
How do bitches not spontaneously combust from Shauna Sand's ravishing perfection? Her extreme classiness is almost too much for my retinas to bare. You have to wear Blue Blockers to handle this kind of sophistication. How did the dude in the back not blow into a million douche pieces when Shauna opened up her magnificient wings?! He must be made of kryptonite...or lucite.
It doesn't bother me that Shauna is not wearing her exquisite lucite heels. It used to, but then I realized that the exquisite lucite heels don't make Shauna Sand...wait..... Yes, they do. It's fine though, because whatever the hell she's wearing on her feet is just as classy as her lucite heels. Seriously, what are those things?! Did Chinese Laundry have a clearance sale?!
Here's more of Shauna outside of
Burger King some extremely expensive restaurant last night. Do you think Shauna smokes powdered diamonds? Probably. Oh and I also threw some Harry Dean Stanton, because homey is looking beat and he needs a little love. Hopefully, Shauna gave him her 4th of July special.
It's the Whore of July today which means that some of us are celebrating.......um....what are we celebrating again? The right to booze? Yeah, that's it.
While you're celebrating your right to booze at whatever BBQ you're being a trash bag at, why not try something a little more exotic than the regular hot dogs and hamburgers? Try a delicious Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger! Your taste buds will slap you for it. I'm pretty sure your bowels and your heart will also go on strike at the same time. Eat at your own risk.
Happy Right To Booze Day everyone! And those that don't celebrate the Whore of July, can celebrate with us anyway by getting absolutely trashed tonight. I'm sure you were going to do that anyway, because only drunk sluts read this shit!
Thanks Hols & Dan