The glamorous bitches from the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints have finally answered their calling and joined the world of fashion. The mommies of the polygamous sect have launched a new website where you can buy their elegant frocks for kids. Unfortunately, they won't be showing at NYC fashion week anytime soon. They only did it for cash.
One of the polyhos told The Salt Lake Tribune, "Our motive is not to flaunt ourselves or our religion before the world. We have to make a living the same as everyone does." Damn right! Why stop there? They should put together a pop girl group and a reality show. If you got it, flaunt it.
It's a shame that this hot shit only comes in children's sizes. I'll have to stop eating for a few days, so that I can fit my fat ass into a baby onesie collared shirt. Fundamentalist glamour comes at a price! This shit is not cheap and most of it is made of polyester. They need a new marketing bitch, because they really should called it polygamyester.
P.S. - Those kids on the website are kind of creeping me the fuck out. I didn't know people were capable of smiling like that.
This shit is getting out of control. These people need to keep their dicks in their leotards! With rumors going around that Vadge is eating A-Rod's pussy (she denies it), Radar claims that A-Rod's wife is doing it with Lenny Kravitz. Lenny reportedly did it with Vadge in the early 90s. SLUTS! All of them! A bunch of buff sluts! They probably do each other with barbells.
According to the NY Post, A-Rod's man-wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, is currently in Paris and has been seen at Lenny's house a few times. Cynthia barely popped out her second child with A-Rod in April. She left the kids at home in Florida while she went to wave her muscley vagina around Paris.
What the hell next? Guy Ritchie is going to be linked to Lisa Bonet? Naw, that bohemian bitch is too cool to get involved in this fuckery.
And there is way too much testosterone in this post. I need to bring down the levels with some good-old fashioned AQUA!
Yesterday, I posted about these creepy, faceless creatures from your nightmares that have been popping up all over the UK. They were back today at the Henley Regatta. I guessed they were part of Anonymous. Tommy Girl's yes-yes-hole can breathe a sigh of relief, because they aren't from Anonymous.
io9 reports they are part of a viral marketing campaign for Lotus. You know, the car company. Don't even ask me what the fuckity fuck it means. All I know is that it's wrong to go creeping up on unsuspecting bitches without your face on.
They're lucky that they haven't creeped up on the wrong crazy bitch who would take that faceless mask and shove it up their faceless ass.
Today was day one of Christie Brinkley's divorce trial and shit got really juicy when her estranged husband, Peter Cook, took the stand. Peter started bawling when he was questioned by Christie's lawyer. Here's some scandalous shit he admitted to doing while being married:
He did sexy sexy times with his teenage mistress, Diana Bianchi, in his own office
He paid her $300,000 to keep their nasty business on the down low
He admitted to spending $3,000 a month on internet porn
He confessed to getting nekkid and groping his wang bone in front of a web cam
He posted pictures of himself on swingers websites looking for chicks to screw
After Peter admitted all of this, his stupid fuck lawyer told the court, "For goodness sake: She's on her fourth husband. Your honor, we're here because of the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned." Lawyer dude better sleep with one-eye open, because divorced broads everywhere are going to hunt him down.
He also blasted Christie for wanting the trial to be made public, "What kind of a mother wants her husband flogged in public?" I'm sure Peter wouldn't mind being "flogged" in public.
Christie's lawyer told the court she paid for everything while they were married. They aren't fighting over cash though. They are fighting over custody of their daughter Sailor and their son Jack. Jack is Christie's son from Richard Taubman, but Peter adopted him.
Are they selling tickets to this show? It sounds like the only thing missing is a half-time performance. May I suggest Billy Joel?
And what the hell kind of GD internet porn costs $3,000 a month?! It's probably some nasty scat shit involving midgets, circus animals and oversized vegetables. No thank you. Shit, I'm always shocked when I see $29.95 on my credit card bill every month (don't judge, we all like internet porn).
Also, I wonder what Peter's peter is like? I'm guessing it's like a skinny ass mushroom. Nothing special.
Brenda Walsh has claimed her first victim and she hasn't even begun shooting her scenes yet. Kristin at E! is hearing that Shannen Doherty is in and Tori Spelling is out of the "90210" spin-off. I'm so happy that I could shit and sing at the same time.
A source said that Tori the Hutt will not be doing the show due to "personal reasons." The personal reason being she's too fugly for network TV and knows it! No, Tori the Hutt just had a baby or something like that.
The source went on to say, “It is happening with Shannen. It's just a question of how long she'll shoot, whether it will be one day or ten and what the storyline will be, but we are working on it, and it is a very real thing."
The producers are hoping to reunite Brenda and Kelly Taylor onscreen which means that Shannen and Jennie Garth have to speak to each other. The source thinks the two will be fine, "They were 19 and 20 when all of that happened and a lot has changed. And, you know, they’re not moving in together, just shooting together for an hour and a half.” There's going to be shooting going on alright. Brenda shooting Kelly in the pussy bone for stealing her man!
It's funny that I don't even remember the other skanks in this show. All that matters is the showdown between Brenda and Kelly. The writers shouldn't bother coming up with new shit. They should just have them recreate the scene below instead. "You guys are so gossipy! Thanks for the memories."
I could have sworn Naomi Watts was still knocked up, but Wikipedia said she popped out baby Alexander last July. Maybe I'm confusing her with Nicole Kidman? Or Kate Winslet? All those weepy hos are the same and they are all having babies.
UsWeekly claims Naomi and her dude, Liev Schreiber, are expecting a baby. Some source said Naomi is in her second trimester. Naomi's spokeswhore said she doesn't comment on her client's personal life. Blah...blah...buy me a drink and shut up.
And no, they ain't married, but marriage is for the birds. Fuck, even birds are smart enough not to get hitched. Wait, birds don't have some kind of weird marriage ceremony, do they? I know they do in cartoons, but what about real life? Get back to me.
First of all, I'm going to titty slap the bitch who sent this to me with the message: "IT'S CYNTHIA NIXONS GIRLFRIEND!" You know who you are and I'll meet you out back. One of Rojo Caliente's silver dollar nipples has more beauty in it than all Terry of Birmingham. Actually, Terry sort of looks like the love child of Clay Gayken and Celia Hodes.
Anytranny, this is Terry Wright of Birmingham, England and he's turning into a lady. This is not his choice. Terry told The Sun, “I am a man, not a woman. And I do not want to be a woman. I just want to get my life back to normal.” Welcome to my world, Terry. I say that to myself at least twice a day.
Terry's change started 10 years ago when he started losing his hair and beard. Shortly after that, his skin smoothed out, his chichis grew and he started having hot flashes. Today, Terry covers up his bald head with a crappy wig. Don't ask me about the eyebrows. Do they have cholas in England?
Terry has been checked out by psychiatrists who claim he's mentally fine. Doctors found abnormally high levels of estrogen, but they aren't sure how to reverse Terry's condition.
He said, “I get mocked by kids where I live who call me She-Man and other names. Once a child bumped into me and its mother said, ‘Say sorry to the lady.’ My mates are shocked at my appearance but try to make light of it by saying I’m just a pretty-looking man.”
If Terry ever becomes a full-on woman, he won't have to change his name. I'm thinking positively!
You know, Terry pretty much looks like a dude. He just needs to rip off the Judge Judy wig, wipe off his cholita ginge eyebrows and remove the lip liner. Dude again!
Last night, Mitch Wino ordered his daughter to get her crackie ass into the house and up to her room to smoke her pipe all alone. This was after the Crackie of Camden was up to her old tricks around the neighborhood.
The evening started with Wino jumping into some car. A few minutes later, Wino jumped out of the moving car and started screaming at the girls. Wino probably laid a crack queef in the car and got angry when the chicks told her she stank.
Wino ditched them and drowned her sorrows at the nearest pub.
Mitch found out where Wino was and dragged her out of the joint. Wino started screaming at the paps while making her way back home. Mitch threw her back into the house and wouldn't let her out. Wino kept begging and said she needed fresh air. Fresh air for what? Homegirl breathes pure crack smoke.
A witness told the Telegraph, "Amy could be heard pleading to be allowed out for some fresh air, only to be told to stick her head out of the back window. Anyone who rang her doorbell had to be given approval by the man on the door. He left after a few hours, only for another big guy to take his place."
The drug dealers below her window were probably shouting, "Crackpunzel! Crackpunzel! Let down your crackhive!"
Mitch Wino needs to do this shit more often. Ground the bitch for life! He should take away her crack smoking and heroin snorting privileges for at least two weeks.
Brit Brit just can't stay away from Adnan's irresistible landing strip. TMZ claims that Brit Brit and Adnan have been meeting on the down low at her Beef Jerky Palace. A source said they have also been texting back and forth. Text sexy times! Brit probably texts, "yo knows yo wanna rub dat lanin strip aginst mah hairy azz cheeks."
Daddy Spears is not happy about Brit Brit and Adnan bumping bushes and is trying to stop them from seeing each other. They are a modern day Romeo and Juliet. Doucheo and Frappilet: Cheeto-crossed lovers.
Brit Brit's doctor also told Daddy Spears that it's probably not such a good thing for her to be hanging out with Adnan and his moobs again. DUH! Is Brit Brit being treated by Dr. Obvious?
And a post about secret lovers would not be complete without a little Atlantic Starr:
Meet Busty Hearts. Busty put her serious skills on display during last night's episode of "America's Got Talent." If I was a judge, I would yell, "Show's over! Everybody go home. We've got ourselves a winner!" Unfortunately, the three hack judges didn't agree with me. I mean, what's more American than smashing beer cans with your enormous chichis? Nothing! This is the most talented person in America right now!
The government should send Busty and her chichis of mass destruction overseas to battle the terrorists. She can motorboat them to death.
Visit this YouTube account to see a bunch of videos of Busty killing shit with her chichis. I think I'm in love...