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It was a gay ole' time at the Virgin Megastore Times Square in NYC today. Clay Gayken signed copies of his new music for 55-year-old vagina called "On My Way Here.....I Ate A Dick."

I'm pissed that the photographers didn't get some wonderful shots of Gayken's Claymates! I can picture them in their mom jeans, puffy paint t-shirts, denim vests and Easy Spirit sneakers in pink. The pink is for Gayken, because that's his favorite color. The janitor must have been dry heaving after the signing. Imagine mopping up all that old lady vagina water. Wrong.

Wino and Blaaaake's fucked up relationship is my favorite soap opera. Days of our Crackheads! Wino has already asked Blaaake for a divorce, because she wants to be with Alex Haines. She's denied this. Now comes word that Blaaake plans to run away with his blonde mistress. He wants to take a huge chunk of Wino's $20 million fortune with him. That's if she doesn't smoke it up first.

Blaaake and his blonde bitch have been plotting their escape during secret prison visits. Blaaake wants a $6 million divorce pay day from Wino. The Sun claims he told his blonde ho, “Just say the word and I’ll dump Amy. I love you more than I could ever love my wife. You’re all that matters to me. I’ll leave Amy and we will be rich beyond our wildest dreams. But you have to marry me. Promise me you will and we can be happy.”

Who the hell talks like that? Blaaake thinks he's fucking Joan Crawford. Drama. I'm sure he flipped his hair when he said it too. Blaaake calls his mistress "Tickles." Ok, he's totally Joan Crawford.

The real reason Blaaaake is escaping with Tickles probably has a lot to do with these pictures of Wino without her crack hive wandering the garden in a bra. If there ever was an image for the word "Crackhead," that would be it right there!

Brit Brit has been given more time with her boys, but it's unclear exactly how much more. KFed's attorney said the changes made today in court will take into effect sometime in the "near future." He said KFed's "goal and his hope is his children will have the benefit of having two parents participating actively in their lives."

KFed's goal is for more money. Brit's goal is for more frapps. Delicious frapps!

KFed's attorney went on to say, "The court made orders today, they were orders that the parties were able to mostly agree to It represents a cautious step moving forward. The children are doing great — that's the key."

Daddy Spears and Lynne issued this statement, "We are so pleased with Britney's progress, and we are very appreciative of the court's recognition of this progress."

SPF and JJ issued this statement, "Can Angelina adopt us?"

Here's Brit Brit at Bally's yesterday. The woman in the first thumbnail looks frightened. I guess I would be too if I was that close to Brit.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Brit will get 3 days of supervised visitation per week. She will also have overnight visits with her boys within the month. Midnight margaritas for JJ and SPF again!!! The goal is to get Brit 50/50 custody again over the next few months.

What the hell is going on in this picture? At first, I thought HoHan was giving Joel Madden "dick eyes." You know, it's when your eyes tell a dude to show you his dick. It's slut talk which I'm fluent in.

After inspecting the picture a little longer, it looks more like HoHan is telling him, " Get your 15-year-old 'Full House' ass away from my girlfriend!"

And Joel sort of looks like he's dropping a queef. Celebrities are so strange.

Here's Joel at Hornitos' Cinco de Mayo party last night where he shared a special moment with HoHan.

The devil wears fugly - Lainey Gossip

Elisha Cuthbert in a bikini with another hockey player boyfriend - Egotastic!

Suri in Pucci! She only wears the finest - Popsugar

The gay on Gossip Girl is.... - Just Jared

Michelle Trachtenburg's nipple pasties (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The MTV Movie Award nominations - I'm Not Obsessed

Vanessa Williams is graduating from college this weekend - Celebitchy

Shia LaDouche vows to never get arrested again - ICYDK

Fergie's got ass! I feel gross writing that - Hollywood Tuna

My Little Pony Parker loves her gay husband - IDLYITW

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo claims he's not gay - Towleroad

Is John Mayer already cheating? - Hollywood Rag

Kylie Minogue beloved in France - A Socialite's Life

Wonky's private puppy mill - Cityrag

Brit Brit is in court today for stalking Chester Cheetah. No, she's in court for that neverending melodrama called her child custody case. By the time that shit is over, the boys will be 18 already!

Isn't that such a beautiful sketch of Brit Brit? She should hang it over her toilet right underneath her "Footprints in the Sand" poem.

Source: TMZ

File this under: This will ruin your day. My day has already been ruined by all the site trauma, so I'm bringing you down with me! Here's the latest from Spencie's advice column for Radar:

YO SPENCER! How long do you have to date someone before it's appropriate to bring up the possibility of anal sex?

If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, "If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool."

I usually bring up anal sex seconds after meeting someone, but that's just me. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go and stick chopstick in my ear to try and kill the images of Spencie putting a pinkie in Heidi's poop shoot. You know it's extra poopey.

Speaking of shit shows, The Hills got renewed for a fourth season!

Remember last month when one woman was almost stabbed to death, because she wouldn't stop talking during "America's Next Top Model?" Well, it seems Tyra Banks makes the people of Seattle go crazy!

Last Friday, a teacher in her twenties told her brother, also in his twenties, to stop playing videos games, because she wanted to watch a recorded episode of Top Model. The brother got pissed and threw the video game remote at her. It hit her hand and the TV. The woman then went for the wall socket to pull out the cord from his video game. The brother tried to stop her and they started to wrestle. The sister then called 911 and her young brother ran from the house.

The fuzz found "red marks and a small bruise" on the woman and a scraped knee. She declined medical attention.

Seattle needs to cancel Top Model already. Actually, that may start a city-wide riot. What they really need to do is put Ty Ty on trial for disturbing the peace!

Source

Thanks Steven

Mischa Barton is pissed that someone took pictures of her cottage cheese thighs and droopy boobs. Mischa feels violated and said she should be able to melt her cheese in peace! She said the photographer, Jamie Fawcett, fucked up her vacation.

Mischa said, "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behaviour. He apologized but he was very insincere." Mischa should have been the one apologizing! I will never look at a bowl of cottage cheese the same way again! You don't go up to a pap and say, "I'm disappointed." You attack them and steal their camera. Did she not learn anything from Sean Penn?

Jamie Fawcett responded by saying, "She broke my camera lens!" No, he said, "I'm not a perv, and I didn't intentionally mean to embarrass her. I don't just set out and start my day thinking I want to get any celebrity topless." Jamie claims he warned Mischa about going topless before taking pictures of her.

Life sucks when you're rich, famous and mushy!

Here's some pics of Mischa at the costume thingey last night. At least she covered up!

.....wear it! John Mayer was given a "Mr. Douchebag" t-shirt by a fan last night. He put it on, scribbled "Douchebag" out and wrote "Badass" instead. It was right the first time.