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Nothing hurts me more than seeing a pair of chichis in peril. Even chichis that were paid with a Mastercard, 2 Visas, a couple of travelers checks, a Quizno's punch card and a hand job. Aubrey O'Day needs to free those plastic sacks from their slut dress prison! Actually, I think her dress wants to be freed too. It's slowly sliding down her body hoping to make it to the door without her noticing. She wouldn't notice either, because she has enough layers of bronzer and fake tanner to keep her warm.

Here's Aubrey with D. Woods, Jaslene Gonzales and other chicken heads at the J'Adore magazine party the other night. Aubrey, W. Woods and Jaslene look like an ad for TrannySurprise.com (that link is VERY NSFW).

It was bound to happen. Somebody launched a website called SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com. We need to call Peta, because this shit is horse abuse! How dare they compare those innocent horsies to her annoying ass. Demeaning!

If you're planning on seeing the SATC movie this weekend, you might save your 10 (12?) clams and spend a few minutes on SJPLH.com instead. After reading the movie's reviews, this website might prove to be a little more entertaining.

Yeah, I'm still going to see that hag and vag show. I'm praying for a Rojo Caliente cameo. I know it's not going to happen, but let a homo dream.

Thanks Becki

You know, Keira Knightley singing in her new movie "The Edge of Love" isn't excruciatingly painful as I thought it would be. She definitely blows better than acts, but that isn't saying much. Maybe she sounds like a drowning cat, but I'm too distracted by her gleaming jumbo Chiclets to notice.

And apparently KK really did she sing. She recently said in an interview, "I did some lessons with a voice coach because I can’t sing. It was live. There were 100 extras and the director John Maybury was like, ‘Now you’re going to sing. I’ve never been so frightened in my entire life. I never want to do it again. I don’t want to be a rock star." The feeling is mutual.

VIA Huffington Post

Thanks Matthew

Damn cokies! They see a mirror and they automatically have to try and rip that shit down so they can do a line off of it.

Wino is scaring me with those eyes. She can probably control the weather with those things. Anywino, here's this beautiful disaster outside of Maison de Blaaaake aka Pentonville Prison. It's nice to see that she's still devoted to her one and only Blaaake. She probably gives him a piece of her skin every time she visits for him to remember her by. He can totally use her scabby skin to rub his way out of that joint. Her skin is like 20 grit sandpaper.

In other Wino news, she has been confirmed as a performer at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday celebration this June. The event, held at Hyde Park in London, will raise funds for Mandela's AIDS charity. Maybe Mandela will take Wino into his arms and save her! He'll whisper something sweet into her ear and she'll be cured. Yeah, right. Like she's going to show!

Below is more pictures of Wino outside the chokey and also outside her home with a bunch of local kids. She taught them how to make a bong out of that basketball.

I used a picture of shirtless 50 Cent because he has a glorious rack. Maybe he accidentally started the fire by rubbing his titties together. Motorboating!

As I expected, this 50 Cent drama is getting juicy. Juicy like his breastes. Sorry, I can't take my eyes off of them. So, Shaniqua Tompkins gave an impromptu press conference outside of her burned down house. 50's ex-girlfriend and mother of his son said 50 tried to kill her ass! She said, "He said he was going to have someone come kill me and watch what he does. And then look what he did. He had made no contact to see how his son is doing."

Click here to watch the video if you give a rat's clitoris (and thank you to everyone who sent me a picture of a rat's clit after I asked about it a few days ago).

Shaniqua's lawyer told TMZ that she heard someone come into the house at around 4am. One hour later and her joint was up in flames! It wasn't 50 that started the fire, it was the CLOSET WITCH!!! She was trying to make S'mores in her little cubby hole and it got out of hand.

50, the drama is back in your court. I am awaiting your response. Make it scandalous!

UPDATE: 50 issued this statement to TMZ, "Any suggestion that Mr. Jackson had anything whatsoever to do with the fire at his home is outrageous and offensive." Boooooring! I was hoping that big tittied hot piece would really fire back.

Feast your eyeballs on these beautiful creatures. It's Judy Landers and her magnificent TEEN daughters, Lindsey and Kristy. The holy trinity of glamour showed the peons of Robertson Blvd. what you can do with a little yellow hay, nail glue and a brain-free head.

The three are currently filming a reality show creatively called, "The Twats Landers!" I'm not sure what network it's with, but it will probably end at the Spice Network or the Disney Channel. One of those.

They are so fucking hot. They look like your Kewpie doll all grown and working as a day-shift stripper at Hip Hugger's in Kokomo, Indiana.

Holy Zahara! I think this is my 5th Brangie post of the day. I'm getting closer (not really) to my goal of 20 and then I just know something epic is going to happen. Lighting will strike me or Jello will announce the triumphant return of Jello-1-2-3.

Maddox's mommy made the cover of July's Vanity Fair. Thousands of copies will probably be covered in Brangalooie genital fluids by the end of the month. Besides her hypnotic chichis, I'm not into it. Kelly LeBrock did this look better in the 80s.

Visit Vanity Fair to read some quotes from the interview.

Double the chin, double the fug! Jessica Simpson goes cuntry - Just Jared

Mischa Barton is missing. Um...that's probably a good thing - IDLYITW

Heidi Klum pretends to eat McDonald's (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Liev Schreiber is one fine, hairy daddy - Just Jared

Lezzy Lohan's presence did nothing for Ugly Betty's ratings - Popsugar

Sarah McLachlan in a two-piece! That's not something I though I'd ever write - Egotastic!

Supernanny's advice for Brit Brit - Hollywood Rag

King Fu Kitty is a bad ass pussy - Cityrag

Jacko is doing us all a favor by covering up his death mask - A Socialite's Life

Chuck Bass' private pictures. Unfortch, there's no pictures of him wearing an ascot and nothing else - Lainey Gossip

This is a continuation to this and this post. Let's try and get the Brangie related posts up to 20 today! If this happens, the sky will suck us in, ending our misery once and for all. So....that woman who is knocked up with twins didn't give birth this week after all. Well, that's if you believe her spokeswhore.

They told People, "Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France."

In case you were doing something better (anything is better) and missed the rumors, Angie supposedly popped out Jesus and Buddha in France earlier this week. The rumor was that she named them Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. This is not true. I think. Ugh. I don't know who to believe?

Maddox! Tell me what to think. I need your guidance. It was probably Maddox that tricked the press in the first place. He blamed it on Shiloh.

One of 50 Cent's homes in Dix Hills, New York went up in flames early this morning and was completely destroyed. It's not right, but now I've got "Burning Down the House" in my head and it won't get out. 50's 10-year-old son, Marquise, and his ex-girlfriend, Shaniqua Tompkins were sent to the hospital for smoke inhalation along with 4 other people. They were treated and released.

The Fire Department Chief doesn't think the fire was accident. I bet the chief has a bushy moustache. They all do. He said that arson investigators were called in and there are currently no suspects.

The house has a dramatic history. Last month, 50 tried to throw out Shaniqua and his son from the home. He told her ass to pay him $4,500 in rent or she had to get the fuck out. Shaniqua filed a lawsuit claiming 50 promised to put the $1.4 million house in her name.

TMZ has a video of Shaniqua and 50 screaming at each other on the streets of Manhattan yesterday. I've been to the Baskin Robbins' they are fighting in front of! They should have gone in and shared a cup of Jamoca Almond Fudge.

The fight occurred shortly after the two were being deposed at Shaniqua's lawyer offices. During the depo, one of 50's friends went crazy and started trashing the lawyer's offices. A police report was filed.

50's spokesbitch issued this statement to TMZ: "Informed this morning while filming a new motion picture on location in Louisiana, Curtis Jackson expressed deep concern over this fire at his property. He is extremely thankful that everyone including his son, Marquise, escaped the burning house safely. He is confident that authorities will be conducting a thorough investigation of the incident and is eager to review their findings."

Damn....this shit is going to get interesting. I think it's also time to put the batteries back into my smoke detector.

Image: Splashnewsonline.com