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TyTy isn't smiling with her eyes, but she's definitely smiling with her hips on the cover of The New York Times Magazine which comes out this Sunday. It looks like she stuck her head one of life-size wooden cutouts from the carnival.

I can guarantee you that we'll never heard the end of this cover from Tyra. During the next month, she's going to start almost every sentence with, "Well, when I was on the cover of the New York Times magazine and they compared me to Oprah and Martha...."

Source: Jezebel

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back together, but there are conditions! A source close to Romo.....Okay, before I go any further. Every time I go to type Romo, I accidentally type Homo. Almost every single time! I have homo on my finger tips at all times. Anyway, A source close to ROMO told The Chicago-Sun Times, "'He did agree to go to Ashlee's wedding -- keeping his promise to Jessica. But he made it super-clear that if they were to give it another go, her dad had to seriously back off.''

Romo has agreed to continue his relationship with Jess on a "trial basis" as long as Papa Joe stays away and stops butting in. Romo probably meant that literally. Papa Joe is always sticking his ass in their faces.

Papa Joe is always around. The creepy bitch isn't going anywhere. Every step Romo takes, every move Romo makes, he'll be watching and jacking to him.

Lindsay Lohan and her not-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, walked the streets of NYC today with a couple of middle-aged women. They're just letting the paps know that they're here, they're queer, get used to it!

Sammy told TMZ yesterday that she's not rubbing snatches with Lindsay. Everyone keeps denying it, so maybe they are just strictly platonic? Strictly platonic friends who just happen to kiss, cuddle, hold hands and drink each other's body fluids.

Here's more pics from today along with pics of Lindsay holding a poor, defenseless fluff ball outside her hotel last night. She bought the pooch because it reminds her of Sammy's bush.

It's back to the ho factory for Sarah Larson! InTouch is reporting that George Clooney has dumped his call girl of over a year. A friend told the magazine that Sarah has moved out of his Los Angeles home.

A source close to George said, "George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is that they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down." Oh, I'm sure Georgie loves to be tied down. Tied down, gagged and stuffed. Just not by her.

Georgie's rep only said, “I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life.” And I can only confirm that Georgie's rep is a smart ass!

Sarah done fucked up! Bitch was supposed to follow my detailed instructions. All she had to do was get knocked up! Shit, she could have even lied to him and said she was carrying his child! Go out and get pregnant by the local homeless man and pass the baby off as George's. Pull some scandalous shit to secure your future!

What the hell kind of fucked up gold digger is she? I'm embarrassed for her. She gives all us shameless sluts a bad name.

Don't worry, I'm sure that Poland Spring bottle is filled with Kabbalahalalabalah water. If it wasn't, Madonna would have kicked him out of her house by now. So, Madge gets to keep the African orphan she took home almost 2 years ago. The High Court in Malawi granted her ass permanent adoption of 2-year-old David Banda.

That shit took forever. I figured David Banda was at college already.

Madge's lawyer said, "We are very happy with what the judge has ruled. Finally the court has granted Madonna full adoption rights of the boy...It's all over, thank God. It is a positive and beautiful judgment that will have an impact on Malawi's adoption laws."

Congrats to Madonna and David! Does this mean she can officially change his name to "Madge's Greatest Publicity Stunt Ciccone Ritchie" now?

Source: E! Online

Thanks Dawn

Thank you Gawker for introducing me to my new favorite website of the second. Cat ladies is just like Man Babies but with more pussy. When you get home tonight, take a deep bong hit and try to switch their heads with your eyes. I've just spent a good 20-minutes trying to do this. No, I have nothing better to do. No, I am stoned. Yes, I am easily entertained.

I've probably programmed my brain to only see people with pussy heads from now on. Score!

The sad whore above is going around to clubs pretending to be Kim Kardashian. Wait, that might be me in my Halloween costume from a couple of years ago. I dressed as a tranny hooker Princess Jasmine.

Anyway, Kim blogged on her site about some dude in Houston who is selling tickets to events supposedly hosted by her. The dude takes fake Kim to the club and is trying to pass her off as the real deal. Low-rent Kim just sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone.

Beware of low-rent Kim! Wait, both of them are pretty low-rent. I mean, beware of fake Kim! The only way to tell if it's the real Kim is to piss on her. If she runs away, you know she's not the real thing!

Mimi throws like a ho - Hollywood Tuna

ScarJo is naked. In theory - Egotastic!

Your very own pet Paul Rudd - Towleroad

Jessica Biel looks like death - IDLYITW

Hilary Duff's obvious boob job - Cityrag

Usher whines about his fake marriage - A Socialite's Life

Jenna Jameson is looking better? - Hollywood Rag

The Baldwin brothers are drunk (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Clive and Julia's Roman holiday - Popsugar

David Cook is dating Kimberly Caldwell, but he looks better with David Archuleta - Just Jared

Thanks to that hot bitch Chelsea Handler for mentioning Dlisted on her show this past Monday night.

Is UsWeekly paying Spencer and Heidi or is it the other way around? I can't figure it out, but I'm grateful for their unholy union. This cover is amazing. UsWeekly needs to keep this shit coming. This is like a harlequin romance novel. I can't wait for the cover that reads, "Exclusive! Heidi and Spencer catch the Bubonic Plague. Their final moments together!"

The inside quotes are even better. Spencer said, "Heidi read me biblical passages like 'Honor thy wife.'"

Please tell me Danielle Steele and Christopher Guest are both behind this.

Thanks Rosina

Gary Dourdan pleaded guilty to two counts of cocaine and Ecstasy possession in an Indio, CA courtroom today. The heroin charge was thrown out for whatever reason. Hold up! Didn't this fool claim the drugs weren't his? In any case, he dodged jail time and was ordered to complete a drug program. When he finishes the program, all charges will be dropped. He'll be freeeee!

Last month, the fuzz found Gary sleeping in his car on the wrong side of the street. They searched his car and found cocaine, heroin and ecstasy. Partay! He was arrested. Not a partay :(

Gary's lawyer said, "He very much regrets what happened and he's very embarrassed by what occurred, but he's looking forward to moving on and getting back to work. He is very grateful to the court for being understanding and giving him an opportunity to resolve the issue and move forward." ...and do more drugs. Okay, he didn't say the last part.