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Today is Wino and Blaaaake's first wedding anniversary. It was a year ago today that Wino and Blaaaake united their love while taking hits from the matrimonial crack pipe. Look how far they have come! Blaaaake's in the chokey and Wino's skin is falling off. They are also most likely going to get a divorce. What a difference a year makes.

Wino received a ton of flowers on her doorstep this morning from fans and other bitches wishing her a Happy Anniversary. There's no way Blaaake sent her those flowers. He wanted to, but he used the money to buy rocks instead.

You know she smoked those flowers. Hell, at least it's natural. Note to Wino fans and friends: Don't send her ass flowers! Send her Ajax, Purell, steel wool, peroxide and a gift certificate to Merry Maids. She needs to be washed down Joan Crawford-style.

Last month, it was rumored that a video of Angelina Jolie smoking heroin was up for sale and looking for a buyer. The dude selling it reportedly wanted $70,000. The tape was made sometime in the 90s.

Today, The Sun posted a video of Angie Jo from 1999 and she's not smoking heroin in the video. Actually, she's not doing any drugs in the video. She's talking to a few people and one woman next to her is smoking heroin. SHOCKING! Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is not the video everyone was talking about. This is fucked. This shit is the equivalent of a video of her eating Cocoa Puffs. Mmm....Cocoa Puffs.

I am so disappointed. This is like when you take a hot dude home for sexay times and then you find out he's only working with 4-inches.

In the video, she does talk about how she tried to kill a snake once. She also had a hamster that died, because she dyed it blue. Again, SHOCKING! Wait, her hamster died? She's no longer a Saint. Take away her halo.

Visit The Sun to see the video

62-year-old Loni Anderson married Bob Flick, a member of the folk group The Brothers Four, on Saturday night. Fuck Ashlee and Pete. This was the celebrity wedding of the weekend!

The two first met in the 60s at a film premiere in Minneapolis. They dated for six months, split up right before her amazing actor career took off.

This is Loni's fourth marriage. She was previously married to Burt Reynolds, Ross Bickell and Bruce Hasselbeck. Wait, Hasselbeck? No relation to Elisabeth, I hope.

Loni is such a hot bitch. Have you ever seen the TV movie where she played Jayne Mansfield? That shit is so awful that it is nothing short of amazing. Below is a scene between Loni and Arnold Schwarzenegger. A wreck.

Source

What the hell is happening to my Adrien Brody! I blame that slut girlfriend of his! I knew I couldn't trust her and her glistening bosoms. Dumb skank. It's her fault that Adrien is quickly turning into the afghan hound of my nightmares! He needs to cut that grease mop and take a few globs of NADS to the pubes growing on his face. He looks like my high school band teacher who liked to massage his nipples in front of the whole class. Adrien, you can massage your nipples in front of me anytime. Just shave the face pubies first.

Here's Young Yanni with skank girlfriend at the Indiana Jones premeire at Cannes today. It wouldn't be an Indiana premiere without Shia LaDouche. I had a dream the other night that Shia asked me to marry him. I turned him down. Instead of crying and threatening suicide, he asked some twat next to me the same question. What a dickwad! LaDouche escored the lovely Karen Allen to tonight's premiere. Where the hell has she been?

Natalie Portman was also there. Natalie is Natalie. She's beautiful, but so fucking annoying.

Who the fuck did this to Salma Hayek?! Her personal fake eyelash applier must be executed! This is not acceptable. It's also not acceptable that Salma kept her chichis to herself. Salma has the greatest chichis in the business and she must show them off. A falling lash and covered up chichis. I'm disappointed! Penny Cruz would not be pleased.

Salma attended the Cannes premiere of "Indiana Jones and the Battle for the Last Cialis Pill" tonight. Harrison Ford brought his mummy to the premiere. Oh, silly me. That's Calista Flockhart. The bitch looks so frail. She needs an Ensure. I've also thrown in some Cate Blanchett. Perfect as usual. Boooring.

I need to find out where Shauna Sand buys her elegant dresses, because my mother could use a few of those. I could ask my neighborhood tranny prostitute (every neighborhood has one) where Shauna bought this dress and they would tell me.

Nothing says "devoted mother of 3" like hot pink leopard. You know the mothers at the PTA hate on Shauna hardcore. They are just jealous. They are especially jealous of the "shoot the ping-pong ball out of the coochie" trick she performs every year at the school talent show. They wish they had her skills and her lucite heels.

Here's a couple more pics of Our Lady of Lucite outside of Foxtail nightclub in Hollywood last night. I'm pretty sure she applies her make-up using paint-by-numbers. Flawless!

Kate Hudson split up from Owen Wilson a few weeks ago and she's already boinking another dude. Well, you can't keep the vagina vacant too long or it gets sour! According to People, Kate spent this weekend with Lance Armstrong in Austin, TX. The two had dinner on Friday and Saturday night. A witness said, "They looked like they were having fun." Having fun? That means she's having his baby.

A source told The Daily Mail that Kate is very happy with Lance, "Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks. She thought it was funny when people were writing recently that she was engaged to Owen because the reality was that they had split again and she was secretly seeing Lance. She and Lance are both physical, passionate people – she's never been happier."

Lance is close friends with Owen. Both of them also used to date Sheryl Crow. I'm telling you. All these Hollywood skanks date each other. Next week, Kate will be dating Sheryl Crow and Lance will be back with Jake Gyllenhaal. Those two are soulmates.

Birthday: September 13, 1966
Age: 41
Birth Name: Michelle Ruark

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 11, 2008
Claim to Fame: Michelle is known for being a super baby machine. She has 17 kids and she's knocked up with her 18th. All her children's names begin with the letter J.

Where is she now? Most likely having a pep-talk with her vagina. It's scared. Very scared.

Why is she HS of the Week? Michelle is devoted to the art of baby making, but I love her mostly for her gorgeous and luscious locks. Michelle has the hairstyle of the future. Click here to see pictures of The Duggar Family home. They have a fucking deli in their house! Below is a video of Jim Bob & Michelle announcing to the world that they are expecting baby 18.

You might have not known this, but Dreamboat Doherty has a 5-year-old son with Lisa Moorish. Dreamboat reproduced. Scary. Lisa banned Dreamy from seeing their son, Astile, after she gave birth, because of Dreamy's problem with drugs. Dreamy claims he's 100% drug-free and wants to be a part of his son's life. Uh...huh...and I'm 100% cock free.

When Dreamy was released from prison, they gave him a certificate that said he was drug free. Please. You know he made that shit from diplomamakers.com.

A source told The Daily Mail, "Lisa kept Pete away from Astile because of his drug habit. But she cares very deeply for both of them and Lisa wants to believe that Pete really has kicked his habit so he can enjoy a real relationship with his son." Remember how Dreamy was videotaped giving crack to his cats? Yeah, I don't think it's such a good idea for him to be around his son....just yet. He would totally trade Astile in for a few baggies.

Below is pictures of drug-free Dreamy screaming at the paps before and after a gig last night. Oh and those crack lesions on his face have nothing to do with smoking crack, because he's 100% sober.

I would totally lick one of his crack lesions. Lord save me!

Friends of Jenny Aniston told Full Disclosure that she can't stop giggling. One friend said, "She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character." Yeah, she's usually a miserable bitch. The reason for Jenny's newfound happiness is of course John Mayer.

One ex of Mayer's said that he makes all his girlfriends happy and he's really hard to get over. Not because he's such a great guy, but because he's a really "great" guy. What the hell is this ex talking about? I only speak in slut talk! Give me the goddamn specifics.

The ex went on to say, "His body actually is a wonderland." Who the fuck says shit like that? I'm guessing we're talking about his dick size. My dickdar skills tell me Mayer is about a 7, average thickness with floppy, fat nuts. I'd say he's nothing to scream about. I'd have to give it a test drive to confirm.

I also doubt Jenny cares about dick size. She's just happy to be with someone that actually returns her calls.