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MiserAlba hasn't been very miserable looking lately. Look at her! Ok, she's not exactly bubbling like Orbitz soda inside, but she's not exactly frowning. Somebody wipe that serene look off her face! She should be scowling, covering her face in disgust and waving her paw at the paps. If motherhood changes her miserable ways, I will never forgive her!

Here's MiserAlba shopping for rugs this afternoon. When she's done wearing that shirt, she could use it for curtains. Better yet, she should use it for a burp cloth.

And since we're on the subject of fetuses in bellies, here's more knocked up Minnie Driver and Tori Smelly in Los Angeles today. They are taking over and will soon come for your ovaries (or penis) like hormonal zombies. Keep a bag of dirty cat litter near you at all times. If that doesn't work, show them this picture of Tori in a bikini. That shit will repel just about anything.

"The Simpsons" has been banned in Venezuela by President Hugo Chavez, because the show is "unsuitable for children." The TV station that ran the show went on to say it contained "messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents." Um...that's the point of the show!

The cartoon's 11am time slot has been replaced by the child-friendly "Baywatch Hawaii." Tarts instead of Barts! Sad.

Hugo is just selfish and greedy. He pulled the show off, because he wanted to keep the magic for himself. He probably locks himself in his "safe closet" to watch the show and spends hours toking and laughing. I bet you he has a crush on Selma.

Expect Hugo to make a special cameo on "The Simpsons" very soon... They are totally drawing his dough face right now.

Source

Toni Braxton spent last night in a Las Vegas hospital after she was admitted for chest pains. She was reportedly released this afternoon. Toni is currently in Las Vegas performing her show "Toni Braxton: Revealed" five days a week at the Flamingo. She's been doing it since 2006.

Toni suffers from pericarditis, an inflammation of the sac surrounding the heart. She found out about her condition while she was pregnant with her second son. She became a spokeswoman for the American Heart Association this year.

Most of you know Toni from her classic hit "Unbreak My Heart." I've heard that song at least 20 million times, so my brain has completely shut it off. I don't even know how it goes anymore. Ok, I do, but let's not go there. My brain has barely moved on from it. However, whenever I think of Toni, I think of that truly stripperlicious dress she wore to the 2001 Grammys. So fucking hot. If I was ever nominated for a Grammy, I would wear that shit.

Oh and she was also Belle in Beauty and the Beast on Broadway a couple of years ago. I can't believe I missed this shit. Clip below....

It tortures me to say this, but Kate Hudson does not look that bad with Smurf sperm all over her head. I bet Jokey was the lucky Smurf. He looks like a massive shooter. Kate should consider keeping it. It's like when you put blueberries on bland oatmeal. It kind of makes it interesting for a second.

Here's Kate in Boston today shooting the romantic-comedy "Bride Wars." I can't wait for the sugary gross trailer. All those romantic comedies use some kind of sappy oldies song for their trailer. I'm thinking Bride Wars is going to use "You Can't Hurry Love." Totally.

Angie Jo is in Washington, DC today to tell everyone that the Presidential election is off, because she's decided to run. She totally think about it, though. I would only vote for her if Maddox was her running mate.

Yes, she's getting bigger. That's what happens to pregnant ladies. I can already see the little shining crowns on the heads of her royal unborn babies.

In the picture above, I totally picture Angie thinking, "Hi everyone. Yes! It really is me! I know! I'm just as perfect in person. You can do just a half curtsey today. I'm feeling generous. You're welcome."

Here's more pics of Angie Jo in Washington leaving the Council on Foreign Relation "Iraq, Education, and Children of Conflict" Forum today.

Clay Gayken please! This is too much information. I really don't need to see his "12-inch-dick-up-ass" face. You know all the middle-aged Claymates in the crowd were rubbing their ginas raw over their mom jeans while Clay was making his O face.

Here's Gayken promoting his role in "Spermalot" with a handprint ceremony at Planet Hollywood Times Square today.

George Clooney does not google his own name, because he lives in fear of what angry anonymous people have to say about him. Oh, I'd say it to his face. After we made out, of course.

Georgie said, "A few years ago, I went to check out this website that someone had talked about. There's like, a thousand people sitting in dark rooms trashing you. Brutal! You're like, 'Wow, dude'. You see way too many angry people on the internet. I remember getting off the machine and thinking, 'Never, ever again'. I'd rather live in my own happy, quiet world where I think that everyone is nice."

I'M NOT FUCKING ANGRY ASSHOLE! NOW DIE!!! And I'm not in a dark room by choice! They don't allow open windows in the institution for some reason. Don't ask me why? Oooh...it's meds time!

Here's some pics of gorgeous George (see, we can be nice) and Squinty at the Leatherheads premiere in London tonight.

Trista Sutter's husband, Ryan, said he gets turned on when he sees his wife breastfeeding their 8-month-old son. In a column for MomLogic.com he said, "Even when you're about to breastfeed, we get turned on because we're guys and we just see boobs."

Doesn't he see the baby too? Baby chewing on nip is really hot. Um....somebody call Chris Hansen to handle this situation. And put Ryan on some official list or something.

Honestly, the douche doesn't know what he's saying. Why are the hot ones always so fucking stupid? It explains why he has such a small head. Small brains. Ryan, just smother oil all over your body and shut up.

Source: UsWeekly

Spoilers!

Where the hell has Kelly aka low-rent Cameron Diaz (and that's really low-rent) been hiding?! She was probably hiding in the booze cabinet. Seriously, I could have really loved her. Last night, Bachelor Matt started talking to Kelly about how she seems more interested in partying with the other girls than being with him and all of a sudden she opens up her top and starts showing her breasts. She did it for like no reason! DRUNK. Why didn't she show this behavior on day one! This is what the audience wants to see. Unfortunately, boring Matt didn't feel my excitement for her boobs on display, so he bounced her. Boo.

He also let go of Leelee Sobieski aka 22-year-old Ashlee. During her exit monologue, Ashlee sang a honky tonk lullaby to Matt about her broken heart. She sounded a rusty cabinet in dire need of some oil. No wonder he got rid of her ass! The bitch was burning up his ear drums. Clip below...

Paves and Simpson continue to terrorize the world with their fake hair shit - IDLYITW

Eva Herzigova is naked and knocked up - Egotastic!

Mimi must have had a few ribs removed - Hollywood Tuna

Whoopi Goldberg's interracial lesbian kiss (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Where's Jay-Z's wedding ring? - Just Jared

They airbrushed Fergie's methface off! Sad - Popsugar

George Clooney is a pimp - A Socialite's Life

Drew Barrymore must be high - Cityrag

Caviar and fried chicken is what Beyonce served her wedding guests - Hollywood Rag

Mario and Karina are looking suspect - YBF