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The Wino needs to take a little dough from her crack fund and invest in a watch, egg timer or some shit like that. The ho missed another visit with her Blaaaaake today. Wino showed up late to the chokey and was promptly turned away. She later drowned her sorrows in a kebab.

The hive of mass destruction is definitely one of the main problems. It probably takes her two hours, a lighter, plenty of Crisco and at least 4 people to get that dead gorilla into the car. It fucking weighs more than her! And that shit is getting bigger. It's like Little Crack Shop Of Horrors! Feeeed meeeeee Wino!

Wino shouldn't be making lame attempts to visit Blaaake anyway. She has work to do! The Sun reports that Wino is working on the new Bond theme with Mark Ronson. Does she even know what Quantum of Solace means? Fuck, it took me a few bong hits to figure it out. It means...um...wait ...um...hold up...I got to light up again.

News of the World got a hold of this naked picture of Heather Mills without her artificial leg. The picture, taken in 1999, was meant to promote her anti-landmine charity. WTF? How is a naked picture of Heather going to help the cause? The woman just loves showing her chocha!

Heather backed out at the last minute from allowing the picture to go public. She didn't think Paul McCartney would appreciate the world seeing his wife naked. Little did she know that a few years later the world would see her naked. Hairy bush and all! Click here to those pictures. It's NSFW!

Unfortunately, NOTW only showed a censored version of the new Heather pic. I know you were aching to see if she ever tamed the bush.

This ad is full of YES! I love how they toned down their real chola look, so they would look professional in the ad. I really hope they attend the job fair in all their chola glory. They shouldn't keep it hidden down. Be chola, be proud! Besides, employers like to see what you can do with a Sharpie. WORD.

And since we're on the subject of chola beauty......

Source: eBaum's World

Thanks MP

This isn't what it looks like. It's just chicken cutlets with a side artichoke dick...I mean...dip. Artichoke dip! Let's crawl out of the gutter and move on. I really don't need a bukkake image of PP in my head. STOP! Dark-sided!

So....Here's PP enjoying a little creamy goodness at lunch yesterday. The Ivy, of course. After lunch, PP gave the paps an impromptu fashion show. She went shopping at Intermix and showed off every outfit she was trying on.

They better have paid her ass. She's an international superstar and should not do these things for free! PP does not get out of bed for less than 10,000 yen a day! Okay, she'll gladly do it for free, but only because she has such a giving heart. Her reward is knowing that she's bringing a little glamour to boring everyday life.

That PP, she's such a fiery saint.

Jim Mydlach used to be the head of security for Siegfried and Roy back in the day. Naturally, he's putting out a tell-all entitled "The Secret Life of Siegfried and Roy." In the book, Jim recalls when Sahara, their beloved tiger, died of kidney failure. Roy demanded that Jim helped in cremating the cat.

Jim writes, "By this time, Sahra had gone into rigor mortis, so there was no hope of stuffing the huge animal into the tiny furnace. But Roy . . . didn't want to hear it. He wanted the cat cremated and brought back to the house as soon as possible, and he insisted the ashes had to still be warm when he got them."

The vet told Jim to "cut her up." Jim did as he was told and said it was the "worst experience of his life." He went on to write that Roy kept the ashes of all his deceased animals. "He had shelves of urns lined up in his bedroom, each containing the ashes of his dogs and big cats," Jim writes.

HEEEEEEELLLL NO! I am all for being a dedicated employee, but damn! This is when you gently put down the tiger's body and politely say, "I QUIT THIS BITCH!"

Source: Page Six

I received the subliminal message you sent about desperately wanting to know what Jamie Lynn Spears did on her 17th Birfday. Well, here it is in all its normal Louisiana glory! She went to Wal-Mart and Ruby Tuesday's with that Casey Aldridge boy. Yup, that's it. No fanfare and no Brit Brit.

If I lived in Kentwood, that's what I would be doing on my special day. I like buying cheap crap and I like eating delicious things. Sounds like an overall good night.

I haven't been to a RubeTues in forever, so I decided to visit their website and brush up on their menu to see what I would order if I was with Jamie Lynn on her special day. I'm thinking I would start with the Thai Poon Shrimp. Anything with the word Phoon in it has been delicious, right? I'm thinking the Bayou Sirloin for entree. It's Louisiana, so you must taste their local flavors. The chocolate tallcake for dessert! I would crack a joke to the waitress while ordering it about how I hope she brings Denzel Washington covered in whipped cream. She would immediately call the police and tell them she got herself a queer in the building. I'm joking! Those Southern folks respect their gays! She would tell them she got herself a homersexual in the building.

MTV's Rock the Cradle features the spawn of famous musicians battling it out for a record deal. The show premiered Thursday night and this mess is not to be missed.

Olivia Newton-John's daughter, Chloe Lattanzi, was clearly the star of the night. Horrific! The shit she injects into her lips could be put to better use on her vocal chords. Chloe blamed her terrifying performance on her "ears being out." I think Belinda Carlisle's ears were out too, because she gave Chloe a 9.5 out of 10.

That being said, Chloe is the most exciting thing to happen to music since Rosa from WB Superstar USA.

THE FUCK!? No, this is not Tony Romo wearing of one Ken Paves Hairdo clip-ins! It's Jessica Simpson on the cover of May's Esquire magazine. If Tony ever gets sick, Jessica can definitely sub for him in a game. The bitch looks like a quarterback! I'm sure Cowboys fans would adore that.

In honor of Esquire's 75th anniversary, they are re-creating iconic covers. Don't ask me why they chose Jessica to re-create Virna Lisi's March 1965 cover. Virna looks hot, Jessica looks like she's a few surgeries away from fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a real woman.