Archives

If Robert Buckley wanted me to eat the jam from his toes, I would grab a box of Ritz crackers, a cheese knife and I would go to town. A dude with a body like that could only mean one thing....pencil peen! There has to be something physically wrong with me. That's ok, I can put quadruple up on condoms. It will add girth.

You may know Robert from "Lipstick Jungle," but I know this whore from that diarrhea show called "Fashion House." My TV hasn't fully recovered from me licking the screen every time he came on. Seriously, have you ever licked a TV screen? It shocks a little bit. I kind of like it.

Anyway, Robert is currently shooting "Flirting with 40" in Hawaii with Heather Locklear. Here's the walking fuck machine talking to Heather and Jack Wagner on set today. Even Jack wants to lick that shit.

YES! Bitch fight! Iman is the host of Project Runway Canada and the woman thinks she's better than the host of Project Runway US, Heidi Klum. Well, that pretty much goes without saying. I mean, Iman is fucking David Bowie. Fucking Bowie has given her a golden vagina.

Iman said, "Definitely Heidi and I come from two different places. I'm not belittling Heidi Klum, but I have been in fashion much more than she has. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been one of the best runway girls. I know clothes, and I know about working hand in hand with designers — I mean, I've worked with Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, John Galliano. Yves St. Laurent — he created a whole collection for me. Tom Ford, Valentino. Versace. Jean Paul Gaultier. Thierry Mugler … I could go on and on."

They should have let that bitch go on and on. I want to hear more! Seriously though, we should allow Iman and Heidi Klum handle this the only way two classy ladies should handle a bitch fight. Oil wrestling! My money is on Iman. The woman could probably take down the terrible Naomi Campbell if provoked.

P.S. - Whenever I think of Iman, I immediately think of Tandi IMAN Dupree. Clip Below:

This right here sums up why many countries hate America. Heidi and Spencer could definitely be the poster children of the "Hate America" campaign. They are totally living the American dream. Only in America can two dumb whores with the combined IQ of a dirty tampon become rich and famous. Well, two dumb whores can become rich and famous in the UK too (Katie & Peter). Too be perfectly honest, I think I'm falling under their spell. They are so fucking ridiculous that it's kind of amazing. And the best part is that they are totally serious about it. It's like not they are being ironic. I don't think they even know the meaning of that word.

Here's our greatest American heroes giving one of their infamous planned candid photo shoots in DC. I've also thrown in Heidi's twin sissy Chrissy Crocker. She ran all over Robertson Blvd. with a special message for Perez. Hey, it could have been worse. She could have written the message on her power bottom ass.

Praying to my makeshift Brenda Walsh shrine in my bathroom towel closet paid off! Hilary Duff's annoying ass will not be in the Beverly Hills 90210 remake. It was reported that Hils was reading the script and considering one of the lead roles. She told UsWeekly, "No, it's not true." Praise the Peach Pit!

The show has cast a hot bitch in another role though. Lori Loughlin aka Aunt Becky from Full House is joining the 90210 remake as Celia Mills, a former Olympic medalist and mother to central teens Annie and Dixon. The show will central on the Mills family who move from the Midwest to Beverly Hills. Don't tell me Lori is the new Carol Potter! There is no replacing Cindy Walsh.

Keeping with tradition, here's a 90210 scene where David finally takes pity on Donna and does sex to her nasty body I remember watching this shit hoping that one of the candles would fall on Donna's soccer mom hair.

UPDATE: The role that Hilary Duff didn't take in the 90210 remake has gone to actress Shenae Grimes of Degrassi: The Next Generation. (Ausiello Reporter) - Thanks Jesse

Scotty Weiland was sentenced to 192 hours in jail for his second DUI arrest in November. Scotty wasn't in court today, but his lawyer entered a no contest please. The judge also ordered him to an 18-month booze program, a $2,000 fine and he will be put on 4-year summary probation.

TMZ reports that Scotty has until May 28th to serve his sentence.

Can I serve his sentence with him? He might need a butthole, I mean shoulder, to cry on. I've always had a thing for this Grade A douchebag. Why is that?

While you ponder this question, watch this video of a gay guy getting his $3 weave torn off by a hot fat chick. It seemed appropriate for this post and I'm not sure why.

Most new brides spend their wedding night having awkward, drunken sex with their new groom. Not 25-year-old Christa Wielechowski. She spent her wedding night in jail! Christa's new husband, 32-year-old Dr. David M. Wielechowski, also spent his wedding night locked up.

It all started after the wedding. The Post Gazette reports that the Wielechowskis checked into the Holiday Inn in Ross, PA and began arguing before they even got into their room. The police complaint reads that Dr. David "then used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor." Wax on! Wax off! Damn. Did Mr. Miyagi teach him those moves?

Two guests heard the commotion outside and decided to help. They tried to calm Dr. David, but he started beating on their asses. Instead of helping her rescuers, Christa joined her husband in beating them down. The fight continued into the elevator and then into the lobby. Okay...who the hell pushed the button for the lobby while they were fighting?

When they got to the lobby, Dr. David grabbed a metal planter and threw it at the two rescuers. After the fight finally ended, the rescuers were left with cuts, a knocked out tooth and a possible broken thumb. Dr. David should fix that tooth on the house! He's a dentist. Around $1,000 worth of damage was caused to the hotel.

Dr. David and Christa were both charged with simple assault, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. She was also charged with public drunkenness. They were arrested on Saturday night and both were released yesterday. Christa left jail in her wedding dress. That is so fucking hot.

Seriously, this is a wedding to remember. Christa and Dr. David have the greatest wedding pictures of all time, matching mug shots!

Thanks Amanda

Kathy Griffin has split with that rich Apple dude! Think of all the billions of dollars that got away. That makes me cry.

Kathy told UsWeekly that she's just friends with Steve Wozniak now. The two started dating last year. Kathy went on to say, "I got an email last week from him, and he is going to marry someone else... I think he might be married. I don’t really know that for sure, though." Kathy! How the fuckity hell did this happen? She's letting some other bitch take her treasure!

Kathy had the winning lottery ticket in her hands and she didn't cash it! She should have taken Steve to Vegas, gotten him drunk and married his ass without a prenup! It's easy. They do it on soap operas all the time.

There's no way I would let that much money get away from my ass. You may call it being a dirty ass gold digger, but......ok...you would be right to call me that. There's nothing wrong with it! When life hands you a billionaire, you fuck him dumb, take his money and get the hell out of there!

Here's Kathy with Jackie Warner at the GLAAD Media Awards this past weekend.

No, I'm not talking about her baby daddy. I'm talking about a real beard! Salma Hayek has to wear fake pubies on her face for some circus movie she's shooting in New Orleans. This woman is a hot piece no matter what. At least they made sure her pube beard didn't completely cover her magnificent chichis.

Note to David Beckham: This is how you work a pube beard.

Here's more of bearded chichis with baby Valentina.

Last night on "Keeping Up with the Biggest Skanks in America," we saw a different side of Kim Kardashian. I'm so used to seeing her trying to be the sex kitten and sticking her ass out. There's other sides to her! I know, weird. It was a KKK fight last night over a stupid ass Bentley. You see, Kim has worked really hard to get a Bentley, something she's wanted since she was 12. Oh and by "worked really hard" I mean she sucked dick on camera.

Anyway, Kim's sisters accompanied her to pick up the new car at some car joint. It was taking forever for it to be ready, so Khloe (the scary man one) started bitching out the car dude which embarrassed Kim. This led to Kim telling Khloe that she was trying to her ruin her moment and then she called her a "jealous psycho bitch." I would've called her a "scary man dude," but whatever works.

Khloe and Kourtney take off leaving Kim to wait for her beloved Bentley. Kim meets up with them later, but all is not forgotten. Khloe slammed the door on big ass Kim. Kim retaliated by beating Khloe with her purse and socking her.

Seriously! These dumb sluts don't know how to fight! My sister and I used to leave blood. If you don't leave blood, it's not a good fight. And why the hell didn't Khloe just blow on Kim? Khloe is built like the fucking Incredible Hulk. She could easily just flick Kim and her big ass would go flying through the night.

Amy Poehler is knocked up with Will Arnett's baby! Yes, she's a Baby Mama. I know! Their rep confirmed to People Magazine that they are expecting a little one this Fall. The two have been married since 2003. It's their first baby.

Amy is currently starring in the #1 movie this weekend, Baby Mama, with that hot bitch Tina Fey.

Will and Amy better give that baby an awesome name or I just don't know about them. The world will be severely disappointed if they don't name baby after a fruit, vegetable or cartoon character. Wait, why don't they just name it Baby? No, they can't do that. If I ever have a baby, that's what I'm naming it. It's a name you can never forget. Baby!