Archives

File this under: One step closer to being a has-been! JLo will star, co-create and co-executive produce a reality show for TLC. The show will follow JLo as she juggles her career and motherhood. The show is currently in production and no air-date has been announced. TLC is calling it a “docu-series," but that's just fancy talk for "bitch is no better than any other reality show trick." This means Hottie from Flavor of Love and JLo are on the same level now.

JLo said, “I am excited to be part of the TLC family. I’m looking forward to sharing this exciting journey together." She forgot to mention, "Hahaha! I'm getting paid a shit load too. I'm rich and you're not! EAT THAT!"

I was excited about this for a quick minute, but then I realized that there's no way JLo is going to let the truth be revealed. This shit is going to be scripted, majorly edited, de-bitched and she's probably bringing in actors too. Antonio Sabata Jr. is going to play Skeletor and the cartoon Dragon Tales kids will play her twins.

This mess will make "The Hills" look like an episode of "Cops." Seriously, you can't get more real than Cops and don't tell me that shit is fake. I couldn't take it.

With all that being said, I will be watching this.

Source

It was nice while it lasted. Nicole Richie's bodacious pregnant chichis are completely gone now. We barely knew each other. She's back to looking like a surf board. I just want to grab her ass, head to the beach and catch a wave.

And is this ho moonlighting as a night nurse in the maternity ward? What the fuckity fuck is she wearing? It's probably from Katherine Heigl's medical uniform collection.

Damn! Dita Von Teese's mother looks more like her sister! I'm not just saying that either, because you know how I love to clown people. I adore her mother's chola eyebrow, but she really should have went with a black liner for the maximum cholita look.

Here's Dita and Mommy Dita in NYC today. Do you ever think Dita wakes up and says, "Fuck it. I'm wearing some mangey sweats and a holey t-shirt today." Looking like that every day must be exhausting.

This is exactly how I picture Cojo and Pat O'Brien between tapings of the "The Insider." They can't look at or talk to each other, because there's too much sexual tension there. You can cut it with Paris Hilton's pussy.

I bet you Pat O'Brien meant to leave those drunken voicemails for Cojo. "You are so fucking hot and I want to eat you and I want you to suck my caaack. And I want my girlfriend to eat you. Let's do it." Yup, he left those for Cojo.

Here's these two secret lovers filming a segment for "The Insider" on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles last night.

Amy Wino was voted the "Ultimate Heroine" in a new poll of people under 25 conducted by Sky.com. Perhaps these kids have no idea what a heroine is. They think "heroine" means a super heroin user or something. Pete Doherty was also voted the second most popular hero, behind footballer Stephen Gerrard. Yup, they definitely think it has something to do with heroin.

Wino even placed above Princess Diana. A psychologist told NME that Wino topped the poll because she "seems to portray a certain sense of vulnerability or having had to fight against some adversity in their lives." Um...no..she seems to portray a crackhead. Straight up.

In other Wino news, she headbutted a dude outside of a bar last night. Awesome! A friend said Wino was aruging with some dude when she “got upset and lashed out, headbutting a guy hard in the face and also punched him." Her friends quickly rushed her back inside the bar. She came out later only to bump into a lamppost.

Has anyone checked Wino's pulse lately? I don't think the chick is alive. Seriously.

Cheryl Burke just won't go away! Marlee Matlin should not have gone home on "Dancing with the Stars" last night. Cheryl Burke should have! Even her name grates on my nerves. Cheryl Burke sounds like a cheap ass line of spa products you buy at Rite-Aid. That makes sense since she has the personality of a jar of bath beads. Ugh! Cheryl Burke!

Yesterday, I posted about how Cheryl Burke was playing coy on if she was dating Gerard Butler. Today, the mop head is singing a different tune. Cheryl told People that she met Gerard through her partner, Cristian de la Fuente. She also said, “We’ve kissed.” GROSS! Mop head probably tastes like hot Clorox.

And when asked if there was a future between them, she said, “We’ll see.” I will never forgive Gerry Butler if he starts dating Cheryl Burke. Well, maybe they will get married and she'll change her name to Cheryl Butler. Still annoying, but not as bad as Cheryl Burke.

This is definitely the outfit you wear to go and buy some Huggies at CVS. How I wish Katie Price would have worn this outfit while strolling down Sunset Blvd. Prostitutes would have beat the orange off of her for trying to work their track. Has Katie met Brit Brit yet since she's been in Los Angeles? Something tells me they would be BFFs. They both like to wear inappropriate outfits to the drugstore.

Below are also some pics of Katie's big gay husband going jogging yesterday. I take that back. No self-respecting gay would look like that mess.

Marky Mark and his fiance of 4 years, Rhea Durham, are expecting their third baby. Dang! Why won't he marry the girl already. Rhea will pop out a baby this fall. They have a daughter, Ella Rae, and a son, Michael.

A friend of Marky Mark's told OK!, "Mark is thrilled to be having another baby. He is an amazing dad, and his two children are his world. He always used to joke about wanting at least a dozen kids, but it looks like he wasn't joking after all."

Basically I just wanted to post this picture of Marky Mark from the 90s. This shit was a huge part of my adolescence. Many hours were spent in the bathroom....I'll stop.

Bonus! Here's video of a dog trying to rip off Marky's panties for a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz back in the day. He used to be such a tool. He was the kind of dude that would start putting his pants on immediately after busting one on you. Swooooooon!

The above screen shot perfectly sums up the entire season 2 premiere of Tila Tequila's A Shot At Love. It's Tila sticking a flower (given to her by another dude) in the crack of one of her suitors. Who said romance is dead?

If you weren't wearing protection while watching last night's episode on MTV, you better go to the doctor this afternoon. I lost track on the number of people Tila made out with. That would make a fun drinking game! Two of the lesbians on the show even started making out with each other. They were later eliminated, because they weren't "respecting" Tila in her own house. First of all, Tila already disrespected herself by going on this show and second, that house isn't hers!

I still watch this trash, because I live for skankiness and cat fights. The first cat fight almost happened when two douche bags got into it. Jay from New Jersey (above with the flower in his ass) threatened to "head butt" Bo from Ohio. Sadly, he didn't do it. All talk and no head butt. The two dudes are still around, so hopefully they will get into it later on.

Below is a clip of the dudes giving Tila a "fashion show." Take your Valtrex before watching it. One of the dude even shows Tila his "dick in a box." She acts like she's grossed out. Slut please!

One of my favorite dudes, Chad, gave the quote of the evening:

“Chicks love wang bone. Why do you think they have strap-ons and things in that nature, to simulate wang bones, which i come stocked with.”

Yeah, he's a keeper. This season is going to be so hot.