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Evan Rachel Wood and Larry David shot scenes for the new Woody Allen movie in NYC today. Yes, Woody Allen is still making movies. No, I don't know why. I can tell what it's about just from these pictures. Some old, eccentric dude who talks a lot romances some young, dumb slut.

They were filming right down the street from where I live. I should have skipped down there and slapped that Evan girl across the face for fucking Marilyn Manson. She needs to be slapped back into reality. Then I would have taken that delicious muffin out of her hands and eaten it right in front of her.

I bet you by the time filming is finished, Evan would have dumped Marilyn for Larry David. You can tell the chick loves the pepaws.

There was some internet rumor going around that Cheryl Burke was sucking face with Gerard Butler at Eva LongWhoria's restaurant the other night. Sucio! Making out with Cheryl Burke would be like making out with a wet mop. I can't stand this bitch! It's mostly the hair. That muppet mop has to go. I want to rip it out and then wipe her smug face with hit. Phew. I'm glad I got that out.

So....Cheryl called in to Ryan Gaycrest's show on KIIS-FM show this morning and played coy. I told you the trick was smug. Ryan asked her about the kiss and she said, "Who's Gerard Butler?...You know, everyone says hello and goodbye and kisses each other. Don’t you, Ryan?...[Gerard] actually lives in my apartment building. And we’ve been friends for, you know, a few months...so does Cristían [de la Fuente]. We all live in the same apartment building...weird, huh?"

Honestly, I don't think Gerard is sucking face with mop head. I think he's sucking face with another Dancing with the Stars whore. Here's photographic evidence from a few weeks ago. Gerard left some bar with 80s Ken doll, Derek Hough. You can feel the heat. Derek is walking a few steps behind Gerard like any good bottom should.

Richie Sambora was charged with DUI today, but was not charged with a misdemeanor child endangerment count. Richie was arrested last month in Laguna Beach for driving drunk. His 10-year-old daughter with Heather Locklear was in the car.

TMZ reports that Richie plea bargained his way out today. The driving under the influence charge was dropped and he pled no contest to driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher.

Richie will pay around $1,600 for fines and penalties. He'll be put on 3 years probation and must complete a booze ed course. He also can't drink or do drugs while on probation. Well, he can't get caught at least. Switch the piss!

TMZ also claims the prosecutor on the case is some softy who didn't file child endangerment charges, because he wanted a little PR.

I think I would rather do hard time for a few weeks than have to not drink for 3 whole damn years. How is that even possible! I mean, what do you drink with dinner? Water? Sick!

Well, Richie got off easy. He's the one that still has to look himself in the mirror every day. Seriously, that's a major punishment, because his face is fug.

15-year-old Miley Cyrus depresses me. This girl is making more money than any of us will ever see in our lifetime....COMBINED. I need to curse out my parents for not selling me to the Disney whorehouse when I was little.

Miley can add a few more million to her money pile, because she signed a seven-figure book deal with Disney.

The book will be called "How I Became A Disney's #1 Hooker." No, it will be about her road to fame and how her family has kept it grounded. The book will feature never-before-seen pictures and family stories. Obviously, she ain't writing that shit.

Miley told People, "I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me. I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together, and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams."

I'm assuming there will be a whole chapter on how to make your MySpace pictures extra skankalicious.

Heather Mills has long denied that she ever got paid to fuck, but some chick named Denise Hewitt has come forward in a new documentary claiming she used to work the pussy line with Heather back in the 80s.

In the documentary called "Heather Mills: What Really Happened," Denise said they used to act out lesbo fantasies for clients for up to $20,000 a night. This was long before Heather lost her leg. She probably would have made more without a leg, because those bitches with fetishes will pay top dollar to lick that shit.

Denise also claimed that Heather told her she gave Paul McCartney an ultiamtium about marrying her, “She said, ‘I’ll give him an ultimatum and if he doesn’t marry me within say eight months, ten months, I’m going to leave him’.” When Paul finally proposed, Heather still bashed his ass to Denise. She told her, “Well look at me, I’m marrying an old man with bigger tits than me.”

Denise said that when it comes to people, Heather gets what she wants, “They just fall madly in love with her and I take my hat off to her because she manipulates people and they’re besotted, like enchanted, you know - like she throws fairy dust all over them.”

That picture above was taken in the 80s and she definitely has "HO face." You can tell she's wearing jewelry bought with her sex money. Sex jewelry is always tackier.

You know, I wish the Heather from the 80s would come back. The Heather that fucked for money, posed for naked pictures and had amazing hair. That Heather sounds fun.

Source

Thanks Mimi

"Oh lord, please forgive me for beating down those manicurists over some nail glue." Actually, she was probably asking God to give her the strength to not go down to the nail shop and beat on those manicurists some more.

Foxy Brown got on her knees and prayed at a NYC church on Sunday, three days after she was released from the chokey. And the paps just happened to be there! Imagine that?! Maybe God called them.

Somebody needs to tell Foxy that dressing like one of those polygamist wives, doesn't suddenly make you all pure.

Actually don't wake me, just slip the pics under my pillow and give me a nice slap on the ass. You get extra points if you whisper "sweet buns" into my ear before leaving my room. Anyway (and a big anyway), Beyonce and Jay-Z filed their signed marriage license on Friday in Scarsdale, NY.

People reports that the town clerk said April 4th is listed as their wedding date. Bey and Jay still haven't confirmed to their adoring public. The license was filed more than 5 day after the wedding, but it will be processed without penalty. The town clerk claimed the penalty is usually waived. LIES! They should have rejected the license just to say they did. The town clerk should have tore up the license, stuck it in her mouth and then arrested them on the spot. I hate missed opportunities.

I guess that confirms that. BLAH!

Excuse her beauty! Last night on The Bachelor, we got a glimpse of what Shayne might look like when she's older. The glimpse was glamorous and her name is Michele Smith! True beauty! Obviously, Shauna Sand has been ripping off this bitch's high style for years. They use the name lip liner shade.

Shayne brought Bachelor Matt to meet her mother on last night's episode. Michele is actually pretty normal, it's just her fucking face that's not normal. Matt must have been drunk as hell, because it didn't phase him. If it was me, I would have told producers right then and there that the show was over, because I was picking Shayne. There's no way I would miss an opportunity to spend every Christmas with glamorous Michele.

Lorenzo Lamas was also in the episode, but his ass was boring. He didn't even talk about Falcon Crest. BORING! If I'm having "cheese and fruit" with Lorenzo, we're talking about Shauna Sand and Falcon Crest.

The other slags on the show, also brought Matt to see their families, but it was filled with yawns. Amanda tried to give us a little excitement by hiring actors to play her parents. The fake mom hit on Matt hardcore and it was sort of funny. It still didn't hide the fact that Amanda is about as exciting as a pap smear.

Below is a clip of beautiful Michele with Matt. I don't think I listened to a word she said, because I was too busy watching her lip liner dance and praying her face would fall into Matt's lap. Gorgeous finally has a name and its Michele Smith! I've also attached a little photo of Lorenzo and Michele in 1985. So fucking hot.

Penny Cruz's did a sex scene with Ben Kingsley. If you have to do a sex scene, you might as well do it with Sir Ben - Egotastic!

Fergie's in a bikini again and still doesn't look that awful. What's going on? - Hollywood Tuna

I miss Ginger Spice's humongous trainer (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jakey Poo's off the crutches - Popsugar

Eww! Kristy Lee Cook looks like shit - Just Jared

Which one is the mom and which one is the daughter? - Hollywood Rag

Pete Wentz goes commando - Cityrag

Crazy goes to the opera - Lainey Gossip

Danica Patrick is Number One - IDLYITW

The Hoff hospitalized - A Socialite's Life

36 hours with Christian Siriano - Almack's Dance Hall

I'm talking about Russell Brand and not the pepaw behind him. Although, that might make for a hot tag-team. I don't know what's wrong with me, but lately I've been all into Russell Brand. His hairspray fumes must be making their way through my screen and seducing me.

Any dude that has the balls to go out in public dressed like Lindsay Lohan with hair like Heather from "Rock of Love" must be fearless in the sack.

Here's Russell greeting his pubic outside BBC studios.