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A picture of Lindsay Lohan is all I need to keep myself away from fake tanning forever. The layers and layers of fake tanner have become one with her skin. The bitch now has a permanent dirty sanchez and always looks like she's been rolling around in the dirt. Fuck drugs! Fake tanning is the real enemy.

Lindsay Lohan brought her old ass out in NYC last night to support her main man, Samantha Ronson. Sammy did a set at Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Times Square. People reports that HoHan spent her night drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull (so much for sobriety) and dancing.

One source said that HoHan was " tossing her hair around and doing full body rolls – even throwing her hands in the air." Um...full body rolls? We call that the coke hustle! Coke makes you believe you are a motherfucking star on the dance floor when you really look like you're doing "The Velma" from Scooby Doo.

Here's more pics of White Oprah HoHan and her man last night. I bet Sammy gave HoHan a pubic moustache by the end of the night.

I'm talking about the lady cop and not Naomi Campbell. The lady cop seriously should have been gripping her taser gun and saying an inside prayer just in case. Who knows when Naomi is going to pounce!

Naomi returned to the scene of the crime, Heathrow Airport, yesterday and stopped to chat with some cops. She even smiled at them! She must be back on her meds. Seriously, she just wanted to show them that the bitch is back and not going away.

She wore those stilettos just in case some shady shit went down. Naomi is always ready.

RiRi needs to join the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling already! This hot alien has all the outfits for it and her crotch thrust is not to be messed with. The GLOW rap plays in my head every time I see this chick performing.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Rihanna is part of Kanye West's GLOW in the Dark tour. She already has GLOW on the brain!

If you don't know what I'm talking about, feast your eyes and ears on the hotness below. Can we get a petition going to bring GLOW back to TV! I miss Hollywood & Vine. Turn the volume down before you play this hot shit, because it nearly knocked the bong out of my hand.

Here's more pics of RiRi performing in San Jose last night.

"When I grow up I want to be a no-trick pony with garbage bag chichis!"

Heidi Montag launched her affordable line of prostitute uniforms at Kitson yesterday to a crowd of like 20. I bet half of those people were plucked from central casting.

The parents of these little girls need to be dick slapped! Well, maybe they mistook Heidi for one of those plastic horsey rides that sit outside of supermarkets. Unfortunately, when you stick a quarter in Heidi, the quarter bounces back at you.

Birthday: ?
Age: 49
Birth Name: Tricia Walsh

Original Date of HS of the Day: April 16, 2008
Claim to Fame: Tricia is an actress, playwright and charity campaigner. However, she's best known for being the scorned wife of Philip Smith. On April 10th, she uploaded a video to YouTube where she ranted and raved about her divorce.

Where is she now? Hopefully, making a sequel to her first video!

Why is she HS of the Week? This is what happens when the trophy wife gets old and bitter. I'm praying Tricia's video has inspired many more scorned bitches to air their dirty laundry on YouTube. Tricia is the new Heather Mills! The original video is below in case you missed this mess the first time around:

The News of the World has a video of Amy Wino smoking a joint outside her home. Yeah, really shocking. We've seen the chick smoke crack on video for fuck's sake. This is child's play. She came out of her mom's coochie smoking a blunt. I doubt it's weed though. Wino doesn't eff with that amateur shit. It's probably dried up coolant with a drop of d-Con.

Visit TNOTW to see the video, but it's basically just Wino yelling at a friend about how he's in trouble or something like that. The typical mumblings of a crackhead.

Here's some pics of Wino looking like a fresh daisy with Blake II the other day

Enrique Iglesias regrets saying he had a small dick 6 years ago, because people took his joke as fact. He's now known as the "dude with the small one."

He told Showbiz Spy, “I said I had a small penis as a joke. And they took it literally when it is not the truth. So when people find out it’s not the case they are pleasantly surprised.”

Based on my dickdar skills, I'd say Enrique's dick is 6-inches hard with an abnormally large mushroom head. The kind of mushroom head that makes you go "Ewwww."

If Enrique wants to prove to the world that the dick isn't puny, he needs to show the goods before a live studio audience. Playgirl magazine doesn't count! I'm convinced Playgirl photoshops a couple of inches on their dicks.

50 Cent decided he needed to respond to Alicia Keys' comments in Blender Magazine about Gangsta rap being "a ploy to convince black people to kill each other." Alicia released a statement saying her comments were "misrepresented" and that she isn't a "conspiracy theorist" or "a racist."

50 still isn't buying it. He told The Showbuzz:

"I don't like Alicia Keys no more though … the same reason why I said that I don't like Oprah Winfrey. I'm prejudice(d). I don't like people who don't like me. If you don't like the content that I write because of my experiences; I am being who I am when I am writing it. I fall into that 'label' as far as you considering artists creating 'Gangsta music,' we fall into that.

If she don't like that, (then) I don't like that classical music shit she be doing. At some point she's playing some shit that don't relate to me. We listen to it and try to figure out why people actually enjoy it. I am trying to enjoy it. That statement changes my perception of Alicia Keys totally. But the magazine is standing behind it, which means they probably have a tape of her in conversation saying it. It's just not really a bright comment anyway."

These three homos, including Oprah, need to patch this up with a bottle of poppers and a "Too Close For Comfort" marathon. Seriously, that show's third season needs to come out on DVD already. Monroe Ficus brings people together. They should send his ass to Iraq.

When I read 50's statement, I couldn't help but picture his chichis pulsating with his words.

Heidi Montag's "Higher' has finally been retired as my new ringtone by Carmine Gotti Agnello's "Young, Hot Rich." Yes, THAT Gotti. I don't know whether to poop, laugh, cry, vomit or all of the above. I still can't get it out of my fucking head. I have the sudden urge to get a spray tan and Depp gel up my hair.

I tried to get all the lyrics down, but I was too busy laughing my ass off. This is actually the perfect 420 companion. Here's some sample lyrics to help you get the gist of Carmine's skills:

"I'm young hot, I'm a typical flirt
But I'll put the flowers on you like a tropical shirt"

"Don't leave your girl 'round me
Unless you want your girl's lips to be around C"

"Hot on blabba
Stay up all night, I don't need Viagra
Girls just want to show me off
Dudes don't got balls enough to blow me off
I'm rich and underaged
Still spendin all the money that grandpa's spade"

At the end of the day, I would still do Carmine. WELL! He'll put flowers on me like a tropical shirt and tropical shirts are pretty!

VIA ONTD

She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago.