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I'll give you a hint: It wasn't Mimi. Find out after the jump! JUMP!!!

Jodie Marsh's exquisite and natural beauty leaves me speechless......

Here is this sophisticated and elegant creature at the opening of a whorehouse Orchard bar in London tonight.

This is what delusional Tori Spelling told Reuters:

"I'm a huge fan of gays. They love me; I love them. They consider me kind of a gay icon, which they've labeled me as."

I am gayer than Tom Cruise's E.T. butt plug and I would never consider this bitch a gay icon. The queen that bestowed that label upon her must have been in the mood for practical jokes. They gave her the side eye when they said it.

She's not a gay icon, but she's definitely a horse icon. They look up to her. She gives them hope of a life beyond grazing in the open fields.

However, Mimi La Rue is definitely a gay icon.

Eva LongWHORIA said she would love to get together with Posh and Becks for a sexy night of....board game playing?

Eva told Britain's OK! Magazine, “Tony has really been trying to get David to play board games like Cluedo, but David is not a big game player. We’re like, ‘Come on David!’”

If it wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for greasy orgy. And Eva would be the worst participant in an orgy. She would whine about getting pre-cum on her hair and scream "OUCH" when more than one finger went in her dirt star. Prude.

Oh and in Britain, they call it Cluedo. We call it Clue over here. I like Cluedo better, because it has the "do" which makes me laugh. Do...Doo

Eva also talked about what her and Posh do when they hang out, “We eat! And we hang out at each other’s houses. We don’t go out that much actually. We just do normal girl things when we’re along - we have a meal and a catch up.”

Again, if this wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for "we get lesbionic."

I wish that cheap ass blonde wig could help make Rachel Bilson a better actress, but sadly even getting fucked up the ass by the late Lee Strasberg himself wouldn't help her skills. I like the little ragamuffin though. You know the director put on that wig hoping it would give her some personality. Oh well! Fail!

Here's Rachel with her boyfriend, Hayden Christensen, on the set of their movie "New York, I Love You." Ugh, here's another actor who can't act. Watching wet cardboard slowly dry in the sun is more exciting than seeing these two in a scene together. Can anybody act these day? I mean...really!

Michelle Rodriguez talked to Latina Magazine about all the rumors that she likes to feast on the seafood cocktail. MRod has refused to answer the "are you or aren't you" question, but it's pretty clear that homey is not strictly dickly.

MRod said, "What the majority of [people] want to know is what I'm doing with my vagina, and I think that that's sick." Well, since you put it that way.

She went on to say, "I think that they wonder because I'm such a tomboy. And I don't care about what I look like most of the time. You'll see me walking around in my jeans for the most part. I'm pretty much a tough ass. You don’t see that type of shit in a lot of women." Tis not true! I see that shit in a lot of women. I see that in women like Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen Degeneres, Melissa Etheridge, KD Lang, Jodie Foster, Cynthia Nixon's dude and Clay Gayken.

MRod also has sexy words for the bloggers and journalists that always try to out her, "I picture them turning into pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and I picture them jerking off."

Yup, that pretty much describes me after I've eaten too many Mallomars. Jacking off while you've eaten too many Mallomars seriously takes your O to a whole new level. I think it's the gas.

And finally MRod said, "I don't answer those questions. I just keep it to myself and it's nobody's business. If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a dog—that's my business. That's why there's bathroom doors."

Kinky bitch! I knew she was the type to eat pussy on the toilet.

MRod's right. It's her business if she wants to fuck a cat, dog, lizard, parrot, rabbit, dude, chick, hamster or snail. She doesn't owe anybody anything.

That being said, I can smell her twatty breath from here.

Fishsticks Paltrow told Vogue Magazine (via Us) that after she suffered from post-partum depression after giving birth to Moses. She was probably feeling guilty for naming the poor kid, Moses. Rightly so.

Fishy said, “I didn’t know I had it until after it was over. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt really out of my body. I felt really disconnected. I felt really down ... I felt pessimistic.”

That's the way I feel every fucking day, Fishy! It's called not being rich and famous. Most of the "regular people" of the world feel that way. That's why we booze, watch reality TV and have sex with strangers.

Fishy thinks the depression came, because she had to scale back on pre-baby shit like acupuncture. This bitch is into acupuncture? She needs to come visit me. I'll gladly stick needles in her ass. It will help us both out.

Here's some pictures of Fishy hanging her head in shame while going to the gym with Madonna. Just two British ladies on their way to afternoon tea. Cheerio!

Stupid ass Michael Lohan is telling people that HoHan is going to India for missionary work. That bitch has been drinking too much Jesus juice. Michael told InTouch, "Our trip next February encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India. We also deal with helping AIDS victims. She has made it clear she definitely wants to come along."

“Lindsay’s very spiritual. She has a wonderful heart, loves people and is very charitable.”

Translation, "She has a wonderful vagina, loves it when people touch it and is very horny."

Obviously HoHan didn't make it that clear to her daddy, because her rep claims it's not true.

Here's some pictures of HoHan looking like the slutty soccer mom who likes to yell at her kids in public and expose their underwear. OK! I say this, because I was just in Subway sandwiches (STFU, their Italian subs are good) and some mother pulled her son's pants down to see if he peed in his pants. In front of fucking everyone! She just fucked him for life with that quick move and she doesn't even know it.

British Airways reportedly banned Naomi Campbell from flying their airline, because of her crazy outburst that got her arrested. Naomi has fired back by saying she's banning them.

Naomi claims that the airline is begging her back, but the damage is already done and she wants nothing to do with them.

Naomi spoke from Brazil and said, “Someone from BA called me and asked that I return to fly with them but this will not occur so early. They didn’t find my bag – said it wasn’t in the system – and there was a complete disrespect for the passengers. You Brazilians went through the same problem last year." Homegirl was talking about some air traffic controllers strike.

She went on to add, "The case in Terminal 5 at Heathrow was the same thing and I am not speaking for myself. I am speaking for all those who have been disrespected.”

They can't break up with Naomi, because she's breaking up with them! And they shouldn't even try to get her back, because they have already hurt her in the heart. They can try and send flowers and chocolates, but it's not going to work! They can burn up her cell phone with "take me back" texts, but it will never be the same again.

This shit sounds like my last relationship.

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