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Bret Michaels was asked by the Associated Press if he found true love with his Rock of Love 2 pick, Ambre Lake. Before I tell you what the fuck he said, I want to let you know how hard it is for me to not type AMBER. It's fucking AMBER not AMBRE. Does she pronounce it Ambreeeee? Her parents are probably dyslexic like me. I'll get over it after a few slices of pizza. So....Bret answered, "I found someone who is really nice and cool and gets rock ’n’ roll. We can see when it goes from here."

That means he's dumped the old hag and hasn't returned her calls. When asked why he started doing Rock of Love, he said, "I said this from day one: I went into this to have fun and maybe find someone to like. True love is not going to be found instantly on a TV show." Not fucking true. Luke and Star Eyes Laura are the real deal. Yes, they came from a scripted soap opera, but it's the love affair of our time.

Bret said he isn't sure if they are doing a Rock of Love 3, but he is working on dumbass reality show called “Bret Michaels Big Rock Road Show” which is about rockers on the road.

He also gave the answer to the 10 cent question of the day. What is under that bandanna? "My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer. I do the show without it on all the time and they wont film me. They are like, “Put your bandanna back on. It is your image.” It is my signature thing. " Europe like a motherfucker. He buys that shit at Sally's Beauty Supply.

They tell him to put the bandanna back on, because he makes the whores cry if he doesn't. Nobody likes a crying whore. Seriously, that shit is sad.

Image: Vh1 Blog

Mimi was on Oprah today to talk about her new album, but they mostly talked about her new body.

Mimi took us inside her 10 million square foot NYC apartment to show us how she lost the weight through diet and exercise. My bony ass! If she wanted to show us how she really lost the weight, she needed to take us deep inside the plastic surgery office. Diet and exercise only works if you're on "The Biggest Loser" and I still have my doubts about that show. I bet they only feed them lemon wedges, ice chips and Trident gum.

Mimi said her jean size "went down to my 10th grade size." Come on Mimi! You can do better. Get your jean size down to your IQ.

Anyways, Mimi also took us inside her lingerie closet. Yes, she has a closet only devoted to her lingerie. Embarrassing right? I'm sure most of you have one closet for your panties and one for your bras. She puts them in the same closet. BROKE ASS! Clip is above.

Pete Wentz tore himself away from the flat iron to deny the rumors that Ashlee is knocked up. Pete wrote this e-mail to MTV today:

"There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me. I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. ... I mean really, this is crazy. ... I mean we're engaged, that's true, and happy about it."

I told you they didn't have sex! InTouch is totally working on the "Pete Wentz in gay relationship" cover for next week. They can use the picture above. I mean, they make a pretty gay couple.

Papa Joe was totally holding a rifle to Pete's head while he was writing that denial.

What Anna Wintour needed to do was put that mask on Fishsticks. It would have saved hours in airbrushing time. They made her look like a damn alien. She looks like Jar Jar Binks' twin sister.

Whatever you do, do not show this to Tommy Cruise. He will immediately throw Katie Holmes out of his car and rush to make Fishy an offer she can't refuse. Fishy would make the perfect alien bride!

Source

Why didn't I have babysitters like this? My babysitters were always boring old ladies who didn't even let us watch PG-13 movies. Wino would be the best babysitter. She'd let you do a few lines, smoke crack and snort vodka through your nose. Awesome!

Wino took a break from recording in England yesterday to play with a little baby. The picture of the baby pinching her nose makes me uncomfortable. He probably came up with a coke boogie or too. Hopefully he was able to sell it and buy himself a new rattle or pacifier.

Wino is looking a little bumpy in the belly area. I doubt this ho is knocked up. It's just an 8-ball that hasn't settled yet.

The look on Henry's face says it all, "Bitch please!" Our first lady of chicken cutlets was out in Malibu with her dog, Henry, yesterday when she showed the paps all the magazines she's currently in. That probably took hours! Even days. I bet she's still there.

PP loves magazines. If she could marry them she would. I should sell her ass some magazines through Publishers Clearing House. She would buy dozens! PCH would definitely show up to my door with a cardboard check and some deflated balloons.

Only Barbie is allowed to have monogrammed seats! Wouldn't you feel like such a tool driving around with your initials on your car seat? Yeah, look who I'm talking about.

She probably has her initials on her tampons. I want to jump into that car and add an extra K with a red marker. The dumb tramp wouldn't even notice, because she's too busy practicing her "o" face in the mirror. She totally gets off just by looking at herself. It makes her butt queef in excitement.

TMZ also has video of Kim acting like a bitch, because the valet accidentally brought a Mercedes instead of her car, a Bentley. How could that valet do that to her?! Doesn't he know how many dicks she sucked to buy that Bentley?

Things are looking up for Dede Koswara after doctors removed nearly 4lbs of bark from his body. For nearly 20 years, Dede's body has been covered in warts and tree-like growths. When he was 15, he cut his leg and a small wart developed there. The wart soon spread all over his body. He has been dubbed the "The Tree Man of Java."

Dede spoke to the Telegraph from an Indonesian hospital about how he's looking forward to finding a job and getting married. He's not able to hold a pen for the first time in a long time. He said, "What I really want first is to get better and find a job. But then, one day, who knows? I might meet a girl and get married." Jennifer Aniston, here's your man! Naw, I would never do that to Dede.

His first wife left him after he was forced to leave his job and couldn't support her and his two children. Dede even joined a freak show for a short time to feed his kids.

Dede is expected to undergo two more surgeries in hopes of removing even more growths from his face, hands and feet.

Click here to see some pictures of Dede before the surgery. They seriously chopped off tons and tons of bark.

Thanks Marissa

UsWeekly claims Ashlee Simpson is knocked up! Their "source" confirms that she's expecting a baby with Pete Wentz. The two announced their engagement recently.

You need to have sex in order to get pregnant! These two just lay in bed giggling and drawing black hearts on each other's thighs. They might get into heavy petting, but that's about it.

If Ashlee is knocked up, she's going to give birth to black eyeliner. It will have its father's eyes and its mother's personality.

You know that after Jessica Simpson heard this news, she started frantically poking holes in condoms and replacing her birth control pills with Tic-Tacs. Jessica will not be outdone!

Sienna Miller (or maybe that's Kiki Dunst) airs em out - Egotastic!

Hills Gone Wild! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Simpson is full of caca - IDLYITW

Dude in a bikini - Hollywood Tuna

Leona Lewis' man is pretty hot - Just Jared

Matt Damon breaks toys for Darfur - Popsugar

Paula Abdul's carpet hair - Hollywood Rag

Posh has a new Kate to dress up - A Socialite's Life

Kate Moss says "I Do" - Cityrag