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Who went home tonight? I won't spoil it for you even though I really want to. Find out after the jump! Read more

David Beckham has been named as the new face for Sharpie. You just know thousands of cholas everywhere are planning to jump Posh, so they can steal her man and a lifetime supply of their favorite lip liner.

The HBIC of Sharpie said, "Like the Sharpie brand, David embodies individuality and creative expression. He is the rare athlete who transcends nationality and sport to command worldwide attention, making him the perfect ambassador for Sharpie marker users who are as passionate about the bold mark of a Sharpie as they are about the colors, variety and almost limitless uses of the product."

I'm praying Posh will take those free Sharpies and embrace her inner chola. I know it's there. Here's hoping we'll soon see Posh with Sharpie eyebrows and lip liner. On a serious note, why didn't Sharpie get Ms. Krazie?! Ms. Krazie could have definitely elevated their brand from office tool to daily beauty product.

Since we're on the topic of cholas, here's a video every damn bitch and their chola grandma has been sending me.

Matthew McConaughey really wants to name his baby boy after a beer. Matthew claims that his brother, Rooster McConaughey, named his second son Miller Lyte after his favorite beer. Star Magazine reports that Matthew loves the name so much, but Camilla Alves isn't having any of it. Camilla is 5-months pregnant with his son and wants a more traditional name. Leave it to that bitch to kill all the fun.

A source said, "She's pretty old-fashioned. She won't let Matthew push her into this." I need to have a talk with Camilla, because Matthew must get his wish. This would be the most awesome celebrity baby name ever!

But what's Matthew's beer of choice? Pabst Blue Ribbon? Beast Ice? Bud? Genny? The Possibilities are endless and any of those names will do.

Meet Japanese bikini model Serena Kozakura. Serena was sentenced to 14 months in jail for destruction of property after she was accused of kicking a hole in her boyfriend's door and re-entering his apartment after she found another ho there. This bitch is not to be messed with.

The 38-year-old appealed her sentence. During the appeal hearing two dudes claimed they witnessed Serena kick the hole in and crawl through it. Serena claims this is not possible, because there's no way her big titties could fit through the hole. The hole measured 28.3 inches by 8.7 inches and Serena's tits measure 40-inches.

She was acquitted of all charges thanks to her enormous chichis!

Serena told reporters, "I was always worried about being a bit fat, but this time I was glad. It was definitely my breasts that won for me today!"

Serena better treat those titties good, because they won her freedom. Below is a video of Serena demonstrating that there's no way her boobies could get through that hole. Poor Serena even cries in the video. Don't cry Serena. Your boobies will set you free!

Source: NYDN

Thanks Roberta

Katherine Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelly, were moving the other day when they noticed that the paps kept shooting them. Oh and when I say "they were moving" I meant she made him do all the work. Anyway, they decided to put the paps to work. Josh said, "Katherine and I are moving boxes and furniture into our new house in LA and this gang of photographers were there snapping away at us. So I say to them ‘You guys are just going to sit there taking pictures, making money, while we bust our asses?”

Katherine has a lot of nerve. This is a woman who flipped off the paparazzi the other day. I would have told her to shove that apple up her pasty cooze and to make sure she does it in front of me, so I could take pictures of it and make more money off of her.

And can't they afford movers?! Katherine is probably a cheap ass bitch and is making her husband do all the moving, so they can save some cash.

P.S. - I love all those gorgeous murals on U-Haul trucks. They should make a calendar out of those.

19-year-old Julianne Hough from "Dancing with the Has-Beens" is a virgin and proud of it. In the new issue of CosmoGirl Julianne talks about how she's saving her cherry for her future husband.

She said, "I think [the choice] to have sex before marriage is an individual one, but if you're just with one person, it's only for one good reason, and [waiting to have sex] will strengthen that relationship. I'm not trying to preach consequences here, but I think when you say no, down the line it will be a better decision." She's Mormon, so it's understandable.

However, how the fuck are you going to marry a dude without knowing how the dick is? Bad dick could ruin a marriage! I'm not even joking. I have to see the dick before we even go out on a date. Shit, before we even speak! Why the hell should I waste my time? And those people that say "marriage isn't about sex" are lying. A relationship without boning is called a friendship. Imagine if Julianne married a dude with a crooked and blotchy dick. That's cause for divorce. Save yourself the paperwork and get freaky before you sign your life away.

Julianne went on to talk about how her daddy keeps her in line. Is her daddy's name Papa Joe? She said, "My dad, whom I'm very close with, will text me, 'Are you doing the right things, in the right place, at the right time? And it's usually when I'm someplace I shouldn't be. So I'll call him and say, 'Thanks, I needed to hear that.'"

I bet you he also asks her what she's wearing. Just saying!

VIA People

TMZ reports that both Jason Davis and Barron Hilton have been charged. Gummi was charged with felony possession of a controlled substance and misdemeanor driving under the influence. He was arrested last Friday after cops found cocaine on him.

Barron Hilton was officially charged with DUI, unlawful use of a license and unlicensed driving. His court date has been set for April 14th. 18-year-old Barron was arrested last month in Malibu.

Great! Two douchebags that are famous because of Paris Hilton are probably going to get off. What a wonderful world. Paris must be so proud.

I'm depressed that Gummi's mugshot hasn't been released yet. I can just take a picture of a blob of lard holding a name card and get the same effect.

UPDATE: TMZ reports that Gummi was actually caught with heroin and not cocaine. Ok, I've heard of a fat cokehead, but a fat heroin junkie? Gummi is a freak of nature!

Kelly Rowland has admitted that she got her tits done, but claims she didn't get them done to compete with Beyonce. Kelly told People Magazine that she's been thinking about the surgery since she was 17. She finally went from an A-cup to a B-cup last October in Houston.

She said, "I didn't want double Ds and be a little bitty size 2. That would look nuts."

She went on to say that she had it done, because she wanted to look sexier in designer clothes. Kelly said she wanted to "this one really hot House of Dereon top -- I just wanted to fill that out!" Kelly said after her surgery she put on the top and looked good.

Poor fucking Kelly. No matter what this girl has to whore out of House of Derriere. Beyonce probably made her get the implants just so she could get some press and whore out House of Dereon.

And I wouldn't call House of Derriere "designer."

Source: Jezebel
Images: Bauer-Griffin

I'm on a roll! Last week, I got 3 out of 4 again. I think this is the week my predictions are going to be all wrong. I smell a surprise elimination. It sorts of smells like Simon's titty sweat. Predicting what dudes are going home this week was pretty easy. I have no idea what chicks are going home. They should send them all to the dumpster. None of them have a chance in hell. Here's my picks!

Luke Menard - I don't know why Luke even waited to hear what the judges had to say after he performed. He should have just headed backstage with his tail between his legs and packed his bags, because he had to know he was toast. If you sing "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" in public and your name is not George Michael you deserve to go-go.

Chikezie - This is a hard one, because I enjoy hearing Ryan Gaycrest say Chikezie's name every week. Ryan adds that little bit of splash to his name. Unfortunately, Chikezie's name is the only memorable thing about him.

Kady Malloy - Don't worry, she'll have a sex tape by the end of the year.

Kristy Lee Cook - Or Kristy Lee COCK as I like to call her. Not only should she be voted out for butchering a Journey song, but she should be slapped as well. You don't fuck up Journey!

There's my picks. I'm happy as long as Daniella Noriega stays. I'm still waiting for the night he takes the stage in full drag. Yeah, what am I saying? He takes the stage in full drag now.

Alien Princess RiRi and Chris Brown "canoodle" in Paris. Yesh, this is what canoodling is - Just Jared

Kim Kardashian's ass is not as spectacular as you think it would be - Egotastic!

Rachel Bilson's hot man - Hollywood Tuna

Jakey and Reese are bored with Broadway and I'm bored with them - Popsugar

Hooker with an ice cream cone (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Celebrity man arms explained - Cityrag

Britney Spears causes nightmares - IDLYITW

Dancing with the Photoshopped Stars - A Socialite's Life

Bruce Willis loves pot - Hollywood Rag

Does Joel Madden have cataracts? HA! - Celebitchy