Archives

A turkey in Turkey! Paris Hilton is over in Istanbul where she judged Miss Turkey 2008. During the show, some famous belly dancing lady named Arsena brought her onstage. Paris awkwardly tries to belly dance with her, but ends up just posing, smiling and trying to be sexy. Basically, the hula girl that you probably have on your dashboard is sexier than this skank.

Towards the end, Paris begins to shake a little bit more and that made me nervous. I was expecting crabs, maggots, Jimmy Hoffa, my missing red striped sock, the ring of power and who knows what else to fall out of there.

It's like an STD paella up in her cooch.

Thanks Kevin

It's a vagina flashing demon devouring the earth!! That's pretty much describes Madge. Here she is on the cover of Vanity Fair's "Green" issue. I think by "green" they mean money, because that's her first and only love. She's scaring the fuck out of me with that demon face. It's making me want to hand over my credit card and buy whatever she's selling, so she will spare my soul.

Madonna also called into Z100 this morning to discuss her album. During the interview, she was asked which songs she's sick of singing. She answered, "I'm not sure I can sing 'Holiday' or 'Like A Virgin' ever again. I just can't – unless somebody paid me like $30 million or something. Like if some Russian guy wants me to come to the wedding he's going to have to a 17-year-old, you know it."

I would rather hear "Holiday" sung out of Carlos Leon's asshole a million times over than listen to that "4 minutes" crap again. Fuck! Now I have the asshole blowing version of Holiday stuck in my head.

Madge also confessed to listening to Britney's album, "I usually work out to her record. I do a combination of pilates and dance aerobics." Madonna probably uses it as an incentive to hurry the fuck up, so she won't have to listen to that awful shit for a minute more.

Source: ONTD

The Daily Mail posted a few pictures from Worth1000 of what different celebrities would look like with Amy Wino's crackface condition. Wino's rep still claims it's "impetigo," so celebrities might look like her very soon. That shit is contagious. It would be such a beautiful world if all those skanks were walking around with ass warts on their face like this.

The pictures of Kiki Dunst and Cameron Diaz are probably original not photoshopped photos stolen from a magazine's database. Those two hags totally look like that without airbrushing, pounds of make-up and lights as bright as the sun.

I threw in a picture of Wino, so she wouldn't feel lonely.

Visit Worth1000 to see more

Lindsay Lohan is set to murder another movie. She's been signed to play Nancy Pittman in "Manson Girls." Nancy was a member of Charles Manson's band of lunatics. She was home with Charles the night he sent his members to murder Sharon Tate and 4 other people. She served 18 months in prison for being an accessory to the murders. Nancy later joined the Aryan Brotherhood. E! News reports that Nancy currently lives in Oregon with her two children.

HoHan will shoot "Manson Girls" after that Jack Black comedy she's doing. The director of Manson Girls, Brad Wyman, said, "Yes, I am doing it with Lindsay." That's how she got the role.

White Oprah is perfect for the role of Charles if they haven't cast it yet. Seriously, Manson and HoHan? That's going to make "I Know Who Killed Me" look like Citizen Kane.

Danny Noriega spent his Easter Sunday night judging the "Suicide Drag Idol" contest at Oasis nightclub in Upland, CA. Damn, that didn't take long. One minute you're singing in front of millions of people and the next minute you're judging a dude's tuck technique.

Yes, that's a chola drag queen and not his stunning mother. Although, Danny's gorgeous chola mother totally does her make-up like that.

Source: TMZ

I've always wondered what the hell those marks were on Pamela Anderson's arms. I figured it was the skankiness seeping through her pores. Pammy was on Craig Ferguson last night and said those marks came from leeches. No, she wasn't talking about all her ex-husbands.

Pamela said, "I was attacked by leeches - look at my arm. It's been there since I was nine - its very traumatic. A bunch of them jumped on me in a lake while I was swimming under the water."

Leech marks last that long?! Stop lying! She was not 9 and it wasn't in the water. She was 19, it was in the back of an alley and Leech was the name of her low-life, drug dealer boyfriend at the time. Leech is a total drug dealer name.

Grey's Anatomy dude, Justin Chambers, recently checked in the looney bin for a major sleeping disorder. The father of 5 said that before he checked himself into the hospital, he was only sleeping an hour a week. Justin told People Magazine, "It's a biological sleep disorder. Your mind keeps racing, and your body is tired. It wants to go to sleep, but it can't."

An hour a week?!!!! I would be crawling the walls like those vampires sluts in Dracula. Justin should try watching "Remains of the Day." I've tried watching that movie at least 20 times when it comes on cable and in a matter of minutes I'm dancing on the purple clouds with a silver cat. That shit is beyond boring.

Star Magazine thinks Justin's problem might not be a sleeping disorder. They have pictures of Justin at the Village Pub in Palm Springs a few days after he checked out of the hospital. Justin kept passing out at the table, but a waitress swears he was only drinking non-boozy beer. BITCH! He was tired, because he's only slept like 20 hours this year! You would be too.

The source said, "He was acting as if he was on drugs, like some kind of downers. His eyes were glazed over. He slurred his words and staggered when he tried to walk," the eyewitness added. "At one point, he was hunched over a table, then abruptly woke up and shouted out of the blue, 'I am a father of five kids! I am a damn good father! Leave me alone!' It was really unsettling."

The source also claims Justin hit on the waitress while handing her the check. When she turned him down, he slapped the money out of her hand and said, "That's right, bitch, that's where you belong. Pick up the money!"

Justin, put on your jammies, take your NoDoz and get thee to a bed.

Kory McFarren is the boyfriend of the woman whose ass cheeks got stuck on the toilet seat after she sat on it for too long. Police think she sat there for over a month, but stayed in the bathroom for around 2 years. Kory was already charged with a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult for leaving his girlfriend on the pot.

Well, Kory is in trouble again. He was arrested on Sunday for allegedly showing his nasties to a teenage girl and her friends. 36-year-old Kory was taken to jail, but released the next day. No charges have been filed yet.

Where did toilet lady find this gem? He'll leave your ass cheeks to be eaten by the toilet and then he'll show his little dick off to young girls. Boyfriend of the millennium! I wouldn't doubt it if she found him from eHarmony.

And what about toilet lady, Pam Babcock? Family members of Pam told AP yesterday that she's in a lot of pain. DUH! Her ass cheeks got eaten off. Pam's aunt said she doesn't want visitors and she's only talked to her once for 10-minutes since the incident. Her aunt hasn't asked her why she never left the bathroom. They only talk about family memories and that sort of thing.

Officials have refused to comment on Pam's condition. Her aunt said she's had several medical procedures, "Her wounds are still serious. ... She is not out of the woods by any means. She is a very sick girl."

Pray for Pam! I light a match in my bathroom every day for her. Well, not exactly for her....

UPDATE: Thanks to Bonnie for sending me this video of Kory McFarren being interviewed by the AP. I've also updated the picture above with a picture of him. Not as creepy looking as I thought. What am I saying? He left his girlfriend's ass cheeks to die.

Thanks Tiff

Amy Wino showed her love for Blaaake as she made her way to visit him in prison. It probably took her a good 4 hours to pin that on her shirt. Well! Crackheads have shaky hands. It's a pity, because Wino didn't get to see him. She was denied a visit with her Blaaake, because she showed up late. She was reading the bible and simply lost track of time.

I bet you that "Blaaake Heart" pin is plastic heroin. Melt it down and shoot it up.

Wino also tried to cover up her falling face with make-up to no avail. I'm beginning to think that's wax and not make-up. She's trying to keep her face together with candles. She should just stick a wick in there. That way her face will always be lit up all pretty like. It would also save her the hassle of looking for her pesky lighter when she's trying to light her pipe.

Mary-Kate Olsen better have gotten that shit for free, because she's a dumb troll if she paid even $5 for that mess. I've seen that same shit at the Salvation Army in the "vintage prison jumpsuit" section. They probably have that exact same one. There has to have been one prison in 1970s that made their inmates wear black, shorty, satin jumpsuits. Somewhere in San Francisco I'm sure.

Here's MK trolling the night at the after-party for the premiere of "21."