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Heidi Montag is looking for a few look-alikes to model her new fashion line, Heidiwood. Contestants must be 21, a resident of California and have all their shots. The 9 chosen models will appear at a launch party held on April 11th in Los Angeles. Click here to submit yourself, but I will never talk to you again if you do. I take that back. Submit, get accepted and then make sure to slap that bitch for me on the night of her event.

I don't know why she's going through the trouble of holding a contest. Bitch just have to visit her local farm for a few look-alikes. They work for hay.

VIA UsWeekly

Look at this trash right here. I thought buying Pepto-Bismol was humiliating. A take-home DNA test went on sale Tuesday at 4,363 Rite Aid drug stores throughout the United States, except for New York. Yeah, because we're all innocent virgins here who use condoms and know who fathered our babies.

The DNA test costs $29.95 and it contains a swab, a consent form and an envelope. The swab is used to collect saliva from baby, mommy and possible daddy. You then mail the swab to a lab for an additional $119. It takes 3 to 5 business days to get your results by mail, email or their online service.

The bitch who put this shit out said, "This is for people who are just curious. It is peace of mind for people who want to know but do not want to involve a physician or an attorney. They might want to know the paternity of their child or their own paternity so they can rely on family medical history."

No, the kit is for straight-up SLUTS! The kit has already been a hit in California, Washington and Oregon where it went on sale in November.

Of course it's a hit in California. Most of those whorebag celebrities are probably using it. I'm talking to you Jamie Lynn.

Maury better get on this shit right away! It's fucking with his business. This test might tell you who the father of your child is, but it sounds so much more official when it comes from Maury.

Source

Somebody at Dr. Pepper is a major Axl Rose fan. The company announced that everyone in America, except estranged GNR bandmates Slash and Buckhead, will receive a free can of Dr. Pepper if Axl releases "Chinese Democracy" in 2008. Axl has been working on that shit for over 10 years.

A spokeswhore for the company said, "It took a little patience for us to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, so we completely understand and empathize with Axl's question for the perfect album." The company wants fans to get Axl to release the album already.

Is Dr. Pepper going to throw a shot of vodka in there, because I just might need it after listening to Axl's album. Actually, throw two shots in there. The extra one is to ease the pain my eyes are feeling after looking at that recent picture of Axl. Dayum!

I don't know what Dr. Pepper has to do with Axl Rose, but I'll take it. I need my free can of sodie pop now! I really want to make Dr. Pepper Cake! Have you eaten this shit? It's a slice of heaven. Unfortunately, it makes your ass deliver a slice of hell if I ain't being too subtle.

Source

Richie Sambora is facing possible criminal charges for child endangerment. Richie was arrested last night for DUI and his 10-year-old daughter, Ava, was in the car. Ava is Richie's daughter with Heather Locklear. A woman and another minor were also in the car.

TMZ reported that Richie chose to take a blood test instead of blowing into a breathalyzer. Tests results could be ready within the week. If Richie was drunk driving, he might be charged with endangering two kids.

Heather was called at the time of Richie's arrested and allowed the other adult in the car to drive her daughter home. Um....why didn't this woman drive in the first place? Hell, Richie should have let Ava drive instead of him. She would have done a better job.

Even Britney is probably thinking, "What a shitty parent!"

Amanda Woodward better fucking handle this the proper way.

Ashley Jizzdale has denied the rumors that she's had another snip to her schnoze. The Jizz had a nose job last November to correct a "deviated septum." Deviated septum is Hollywood talk for "I want a clit nose."

Jizz told People, "People are saying I had another nose job and I did not. That's ridiculous. I was away in New Zealand filming a movie (They Came From Upstairs) and so people think I went away to have more work done. But I didn't. Tabloids have doctors talk about what they think I did with my surgery, but they did not examine me. They don't know what I have inside my nose." It doesn't take a genius to guess what she has in her nose. I'm guessing a little jizz, a little cokie and a lot of loose face powder off of Zac Efron's face.

She's also denying that she's had her rack enhanced, "Does it look like it to you? No! It's ridiculous. I'm not for plastic surgery. I'm not going to get another surgery. I can promise you that."

This bitch is doing a major disservice to her face if she doesn't get that nose job fixed. It looks like the invisible man is pinching her nose. He won't let go. It's fucking whorerific!

Daddy Spears is giving Brit Brit a little more room to breathe. He knows how much she likes driving around, so he's allowed her to go for short joy rides......around the block! And be home before dinner!

A source told OK! Magazine, "Britney is addicted to driving. Initially, her father wouldn't let her drive at all, but he knows how much she loves it and it calms her, so he's softened the restriction. He now lets her toodle around the block in her gated community."

Everything will be alright as long as he keeps her training wheels on.

P.S. - I used a pic with Carla in it, because I miss her so. She always gave the best "where am I?'" looks.

La Pequeña is taking over the universe! The hottest bitch in the galaxy made it on CNN for her Hilary Clinton video. When the hell is Hilary going to hire La Pequeña as her official mascot? Lily Allen also featured La Pequeña on her show last night.

The La Pequeña revolution has finally begun!

Robin Williams' wife of 19 years, Marsha Garces Williams, filed for divorce on March 21st reports The San Francisco Chronicle. In the divorce petition, she stated she just couldn't take his hairy back and ass crack. No, of course she stated "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for divorce.

They were married in 1989. They have an 18-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old son.

Marsha met Robin when she worked as a nanny for Zachary, Robin's son with his first wife. Nannies are such hussies! They steal the hearts of your children and the hard-on of your husband.

Marsha also produced "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Patch Adams." OMG! Patch Adams. That fucking cheese plate of a movie gets me every single time.

I probably would have divorced his ass after an hour of marriage. The man is a hot hairball of fire, but I can barely stand watching him for 5 minutes during an interview. And the dick is probably covered in hair. I'm not talking about the nuts either. There's nothing worse than constantly pulling pubes out of your mouth during dick sucking.

JC Chasez claims he's not dating Chace Crawford. Who said anything about dating? Dating and fucking are two different things - Just Jared

HO! Adriana Lima strips for her camera phone - Hollywood Tuna

Brooke Burke's new kid will have a terrible name - IDLYITW

Sophie Monk's outty vagina (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Gorgeous Salma leaves baby to shop - Popsugar

Penny Cruz is a lucky bitch - Egotastic!

Xtina is a booby boxer - Hollywood Rag

The side-eye legend - Crunk + Disorderly

Posh squeezed her bony ass into the tightest pants she could find - A Socialite's Life

Funny t-shirts on stupid people - Cityrag

The paps have gotten bored with Britney Spears, because she hardly goes out and she's toned down her act. They have moved on to Jesus loving Miley Cyrus. A photo agency head said that a lot of Brit's regular paps have now been assigned to Miley.

Brad Elterman of Buzz told Rush & Molly, "Over the weekend, there were less than a half dozen covering Britney. Yet there were 30 in the pack covering Miley Cyrus. Most of them were Britney regulars, but they want something new and fresh. It's moved on to Miley."

Miley loves it. She poses for the paps for Jesus. I wish the paps luck in getting Miley to do anything remotely interesting. They would be better off taking pictures of paint drying. It would be more exciting and they would get more layers of color. Miley just stands there and flashes her 12-inch gums.

South Park was totally right.

Screw Miley! I want more pictures of La Pequena, Danny Noriega's chola mother and Shannen Doherty. Seriously, where in the world is that crazy bitch?