Archives

Some nerds at the New England Historic Genealogical Society in Boston have discovered that Barack Obama is a distant cousin of Brad Pitt. They also discovered that Angie Jolie is a distant cousin of Hillary Clinton. Oh no! A political war is going to tear Brangelina's blessed union to shreds.

Hills is also a distant cousin of Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morisette. Obama is also releated to six president including Dubya.

One of Hillary's bitches said, "You'd think with all that singing talent in the family she'd be able to carry a tune. But now it makes much more sense how she snagged a Grammy."

I'm probably related to both Obama and Hills! Fuck, we're all related. We're all related and we're all fucking each other. This means we're all committing incest. You nasty bitches!

I think I'll spend my weekend trying to figure out how the hell I'm related to Bill Gates. This way I'll have a good reason to knock on his door and hit him up for some real cash.

Source

Thanks MISSterious

Knut is a publicity-addicticted pyscho claims one of his keepers. Markus Roebke thinks Knut should be separated from his adoring public at the Berlin Zoo before his mental condition gets worse.

Markus has risked his job by speaking to the Daily Mail, "Knut must go and the sooner the better. We are not allowed to have contact with him any more and have received letters that if we breach this order our jobs are on the line. He is too unpredictable to play with now. He is addicted to the whole show, the human adulation. It is not healthy. He actually cries out or whimpers if he sees that there is not a spectator outside his enclosure ready to ooh and aah at him. When the zoo had to shut because of black ice everywhere he howled until staff members stood before him and calmed him down."

Damn, it's almost like he's talking about Brit Brit.

Markus went on to say that Knut craves the publicity and that must be stopped. Poor Knut. They need to get that bitch help before he has a breakdown! The Zoo doesn't give a fuck! They need to make that money.

It sounds to me like Knut needs a little visit to Promises Malibu and some Xanax.

Thanks Texndoc

Renee Zellweger attended the Kentucky premiere of "Leatherheads" yesterday with her face looking like Kenny Chesney's ass after a hot night out on the town. I think it's time to consult a skin professional when you're able to grease an entire pie plate with your face.

A talent booker on Wendy Williams' radio show filed papers with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission claiming Wendy's husband tried to have sex with her several times. 27-year-old Nicole Spence also claims Wendy's husband, Kevin Hunter, also regularly beat the fuck out of Wendy. Beating Wendy Williams? That's an oxymoron.

Nicole says in the complaint, "Mr. Hunter repeatedly sexually propositioned me at work in the most crude and vulgar ways, telling me over and over that he wanted to 'fuck' me. I also feared Mr. Hunter because he repeatedly physically assaulted Ms. Williams at or near the WBLS studio. In one instance, Mr. Hunter stormed into the studio, demanded that other employees leave and openly physically abused Ms. Williams, pinning her against the wall with his hand around her neck, choking her while repeatedly pounding his fist into the wall directly by her head."

Wendy told the New York Post yesterday, "Her allegations are totally false. This bitch is out of her mind."

Wendy's getting her ass kicked? Wendy could rip off a bitch's head in just one swipe.

I don't know what to believe, but I do know that Wendy gets crazy with her staff. Have you heard the way she talks to them on air? I'm surprised one of them hasn't said to her live on air, "I QUIT THIS BITCH!"

Wendy is also not talking about this shit on her show today.

You cannot tell me that this is Beyonce in a new House of Derriere ad! I don't believe it. If it is her, then Solange has definitely been taking nighttime Photoshop classes down at the Learning Annex. She's been preparing for the day she can finally ruin one of Beyonce's ads. The day has come. Solange is definitely behind this fuckery.

The Fury nailed it when they said Beyonce was copying The Fight Club poster. She always has to be copying somebody. I know a few people that would love to join Beyonce's fight club. Flying wigs!

Where's the beef and I'm not talking about his body. Ashton Kutcher is shooting some movie in Los Angeles and they should have stuffed his shit. I'd pass on Ashton. He strikes me as a chatty and insecure lay. I'd rather bump buttholes with Demi.

I have a major crush on Shayne from The Bachelor. She has so many things one would want in a soulmate. She's Lorenzo Lamas' daughter, which means Shauna Sand was her stepmother at some point, which means she most likely tried on Shauna's exquisite lucite heels at least once. This reason alone should elevate Shayne to Saint status.

During last night's episode, Shayne complained and cried about how she's having such a hard time sharing Matt with all the other girls. She pulled Matt aside and whined about how awful it is for her to share a man. Spoken like a true spoiled bitch. She finally decided she was going to stay, because she might have feelings for Matt. This makes sense since she's probably talked to him a total of 20-minutes.

The episode also once again turned into a nauseating talent show. Last week, Michelle played the clarinet for Matt and this week she sang to him. How does Matt stand it? A lot of alcohol is my guess. Sadly, Michelle got the boot and in her exit interview she talked about how she can't wait to get home, hold her cat and listen to it purr. My raunch brains quickly went in the gutter, but we're talking about Michelle here. She doesn't have sex.

Below is a clip of another bitch singing for Matt. This girl totally looks like Jamie Lynn Spears to me. It's sort of creepy. Here she is singing opera for him and I love Erin's comment at the end.

A family source has told People that 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears has been showing off an engagement ring given to her by Casey Aldridge. Let's try and guess where Casey bought this lovely bauble? I'm thinking it's between Wal-Mart, HSN, QVC or he got it from a Cracker Jacks box and felt that was a sign.

The source said, "She's got an engagement ring. She's been showing it off, talking about it." 18-year-old Casey and Jamie Lynn's baby is due in the Summer. They have also been looking to buy a home near Kentwood.

QUICK! Somebody get on the clam with CMT's "My Big Redneck Wedding" right now. Jamie Lynn and Casey's blessed event needs to be documented for TV.

It's going to be the hottest wedding ever. Just think of the food and decoration alone! Brit Brit is totally going to show up in her old wedding dress, because she will not let the spotlight fall on Jamie Lynn.

Jessica Simpson has finally found a man on her intelligence level - Popsugar

HoHan's lesbian pizza party (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Johnny Depp really loves his fans - IDLYITW

Keeley Hazell is topless and she's loving it - Egotastic!

Emma B is the new Jordan - Hollywood Tuna

Obviously that gastric bypass shit didn't really work out for Carnie Wilson - Just Jared

David Hernandez to be a Rent boy? - Towleroad

Penny and Javier invade France - A Socialite's Life

Brit Brit almost never takes off her shades - Hollywood Rag

Hot pizza upskirts - Cityrag

Flavor of Love 3 ups the skank level - Vh1 Blog

BONUS! Yesterday, I posted La Pequeña Hillary Clinton and today we have La Pequeña Hillary Clinton featuring Machine! I'm totally scared, but in a hot way.

A Pink is the New Blog reader claims they heard Carrie Underwear confirm on the radio this morning that she's no longer dating Gossip Girl Chace Crawford. This isn't shocking since the two haven't been seen together for a long ass time. Chace has been spending most of his time with JC Chasez.

There's rumors that the two are more than just best homeboys. HOMOboys. Defamer has a funny picture of Chace leaving JC's cabana at the Roosevelt Hotel's pool. Sharing a cabana? That totally means they are anal fucking.

Below are pictures of Chacey and Jacey at different events within the past month. Aww...which one's the top and which one's the bottom? Jacey's the top and Chacey's the bottom. They totally flip-flop after a night of too many cosmos.