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Eddie Murphy has never seen his 11-month-old daughter by Scary Spice. He isn't planning on seeing her anytime soon either. According to The National Enquirer, Eddie claims Scary told him she was on the pill and that she tricked him into getting her knocked up. A source said, "What was supposed to be a casual relationship ended with her having his baby and taking him to court for millions." Yes, because she also forced him to not wear a condom and bust a nutty professor inside her. She also wants his millions, because all the millions she already has is not enough. That makes a lot of sense.

Eddie's lawyer claims he paid Scary $15,000 a month while she was pregnant and even covered her medical expenses. They are still fighting over child support. Scary reportedly wants a $9 million house and living expenses for the next 18 years. Damn, I guess she does want more millions. Go on then!

Eddie plans to see his daughter, Angel Iris Murphy Brown, when she's older. "He says he will have to wait until Angel is older before he can get to know her without any interference from her mother."

That's a good idea. That way Murphy Brown will be old enough to tell him to fuck off!

Skeletor recently attended a NYPD Fundraiser where he said that he's become skilled at putting his Dragon Tales twins to sleep. He said JLo even gave him a nickname, “I’m so hands-on with them that the household developed a nickname for me. They call me the Burp Whisperer.” That doesn't even make sense! Shouldn't it be the Dragon Tales Twins Whisperer? JLo needs to hire writers to come up with material for her daily conversations, because she sucks at nicknames.

I know how Skeletor is putting them to sleep. He's whispering in their little ears, "You better can it or I'll suck the soul out of you! You'll be as soulless as your mother!" Babies know zombie talk.

At least somebody around that house is taking care of the babies. I'm sure JLo has seen them twice in their whole lives. She probably saw them once when they were born and once during their $6 million photoshoot. She will see them a third time when decides to show them off to the paparazzi. This of course will be after she's had her face, ass, stomach and thighs wet-vacced.

Paris Hilton's fashion sense needs to get on the short bus to nowhere, because this shit is not right. Leopard bike shorts with white pumps? Tranny hookers in the Bronx probably think this skeeza is tacky. This outfit is only acceptable if your name is Janey Glenn or Lynne Stone.

Here's Pussy Hole with Bowel Movement being gross and inappropriate in public yesterday.

KFed's celebrating the big 3-0 at the douche dungeon aka Pure in Las Vegas next Friday. PageSix.com is claiming KFed is getting the greatest gift of all for his Birthday. He's getting cold hard cash from Pure. Sources tell them he's getting paid at least six figures and one source said he's making $175,000 for the night. "Kevin is a big spender, and a draw for the crowds. So the money he gets is nothing compared to the money they make" said one inside bitch.

Big spender my ass lips! Earlier this week, Brit's lawyer blasted KFed for wanting her to pay his legal bills because he makes more money than he lets on.

Paying money to be around drunk KFed fans sound like a fucking blast. I think I'll skip that tampon soiree and look for the pictures on Hot Chicks with Douchebags. That's what 99% of the club is going to look like.

The Daily Mail posted this picture of Nicole Kidman and a bat. Don't ask me which is which, because I have no idea. They say knocked up Nicky has a bat face from too many botox injections. The article is long and they interview a doctor about botox, but the picture is the star.

I'm not even stoned, drunk or having sugar hallucinations and I'm still laughing. I mean, she was in Batman Forever. Who knew bat faces could deliver such laughs. They don't even really look the same, but it's a bat face! You don't even want to know what I'm thinking about her fetus and the bat face. I need to go watch "Touched by an Angel" to set me holy again.

Thanks Susan

Some genius sex toy company called Pipedream Products has put out a line of celebrity blow-up dolls. Now they don't straight-up say the name of the celebrity, but it's pretty obvious. They have everyone from JHo to Sarah Jessica Porkher. Sarah has the best tagline, "Loves sex in her shitty." That's poetry right there.

Other dolls are named Dirty Christina, Lindsay Fully Loaded, Eva Desperate Housewife and Paris Love Doll. The dolls will run you around $19.95 and up. I don't know who would bother buying the Paris doll. You can get that shit for free.

Visit Radar to see the rest of the dolls. It's a little NSFWish. The blow-up doll below is JHo. Way hotter than the original and probably doesn't complain as much.

Tilda Swinton is a hot ass pimp. Here she is with her hooker dude, Sandra Kopp, in Spain. Tilda travels the world with her boy toy while her old partner stays at home with the babies. That's how you do it. I bet you Tilda is fucked up in bed too. She reminds me of an orange monkey, so you know that bitch is swinging from the chandeliers and shit.

Love this orange monkey. I would definitely suck her banana.

Steve-O is currently in good ole' Cedars-Sinai after he allegedly threatened to off himself. Star Magazine reports that he was taken to the emergency room on Sunday night and later admitted into the Thalians Mental Health Center. They put his crazy ass on a 72-hour hold and that has been extended to 14 days.

A source said, "Steve is stabilized on meds at this point. He was also treated for burns on his skin as if he had been putting cigarettes out on his own body." Note to Wino: You have some competition!

Steve-O's family say he's bi-polar and currently not seeking treatment. They became afraid for his ass after he was arrested earlier this month for punching holes into the wall of his apartment.

A friend is blaming chick trouble on the reason Steve-O wanted to commit suicide. "Steve started flipping out. He told doctors he wanted to hurt himself badly. He wanted to break every bone in his body one by one."

This is what happens when you snort worms up your nose. I don't know why his family is so concerned, because isn't this how he normally acts? I mean, he gets paid to stub ciggies out on his body. It's an every day activity for him.

I also hate Ashton Kutcher for making me think of Pop Fiction when I read this shit. Fuck you Ash!

This bitch's stylist must really hate her - A Socialite's Life

Anne Hathaway loves absinthe - IDLYITW

Chace Crawford is wet, but too bad he's wearing clothes - Just Jared

Girls Aloud are better seen than heard - Hollywood Tuna

Sienna Miller's crack is out - Egotastic!

Patsy Kensit isn't shy (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Shia LaBeouf's daddy is Santa Claus - Popsugar

Cartoon-alikes - Cityrag

Posh vs. Britney - Hollywood Rag

Penny Cruz wants 20 kids - Holy Moly!

This is the trailer for the new "The Incredible Hulk" movie due out this Summer. The Hulk looks like the puddle my dog hacked up this morning. The movie can't be that awful, right? Tim Roth and William Hurt are in it. I think that's enough to put it in my Netflix queue. William Hurt + Body Heat = Hot Fuck.