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The Gene Simmons sex tape has arrived! I know this is one of the celebrity sex tapes you've been waiting for. You can now scratch Gene's name off of your most wanted celebrity sex tape list right under Mickey Rourke. AVN reports that Gene allegedly made the tape while promoting Frank's Energy Drink. The woman in the video is NOT Shannon Tweed, but some model named Elsa. She's a spokesmodel for Frank's. She takes her job seriously.

The video is available at GenesSecret.com. There's also a clip on the site. I think what bothers me most is that Elsa's wearing platform flip flops. Tacky! If you're going to make a sex tape at least be classy about it and wear some Shauna Sand lucite heels. She also looks asleep. I would have to be asleep or in a coma to let Gene Simmons' hump on me, so I don't blame her.

Shannon is going to be pissed! You're not the only sexy video star in the family, Shannon!

White Oprah loves her "statements," so it's only fitting that she issues one regarding Lindsay's nude shoot for New York Magazine. White Oprah said the photographs are art. Like this bitch knows what art is. She probably thinks Van Gogh is a very talented calendar artist.

White Oprah told People, "It was very tastefully done. "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother."

Showing your tits is showing your tits. There's nothing wrong with it, but dudes will jack off to her "art pics" the same way they would jack off to Playboy pics. They see tits and they whip it out.

White Oprah said Lindsay did the shoot, because she felt she would never get this chance again and she feels connected to Marilyn. "For Christmas, my girlfriends even gave her a Marilyn cookie jar. I think there's a sadness that Lindsay feels for Marilyn. Lindsay really saw it as a gift back to someone." It was a gift to millions of prepubescent boys that have been playing her sex scene in "I Know Who Killed Someone" over and over again. They have new material!

It was also ok with White Oprah or she wouldn't have sent over her 14-year-old daughter to watch! "I wouldn't have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there, that was risqué."

She sent Ali over, because she wanted to show her what she's going to be doing in 4 years. White Oprah likes to prepare her meal tickets.

P.S. - I know I've used that pic before, but I use it any chance I get.

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore's wax figures are so life-like! I almost thought it was them until I realized that they suddenly had way more personality and seemed much more interesting. Their wax figures are probably better actresses too. They also got Cameron's face all wrong. They needed to throw a pepperoni pizza with extra sauce on her mug.

Even their wax figures giggle like 5-year-old girls. Grow up Cameron and Drew wax figures!

Splashnewsonline.com

Paris Hilton has reportedly been banned from attending Sunday's Oscars. Paris even spent millions of dollars on a dress to attend the award show. Wonky was in tears when she found out she was blacklisted.

The source's quotes are pretty fucking hilarious. Here's what they said, "She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars. She's desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with film executives." Hot, salty tears? Skank probably tried to suck her eyeballs dry of tears thinking it was sperm.

The source went on to say that she may attend one of the after-parties, "She's tempted to go to the parties afterwards but might wear her trademark wig to save her dignity."

I love this source! The words "Paris Hilton" and "Dignity" go together like...well, like "Paris Hilton" and "Dignity." This ho wouldn't know dignity if it fucked her in the ass.

Thanks akhena

Amy Wino's black chola tear for Blaaake really didn't last that long. She doesn't bath every day, so I doubt it washed off in the shower. She probably found out Blaaake was trading her pictures in for heroin. Please, that wouldn't piss her off. That would probably turn her on. Crackheads are weird. I once knew a crackhead that was turned on by women with hairy nipples. That's why I introduced him to my sister. I'm joking! Fuck, I'm dead.

Blaake can do no wrong in Wino's eyes. In fact, that's probably what she's doing now. I never see her carry a bag. She's got fresh autographs for Blaaake to trade in for bags of Joey!

Splashnewsonline.com