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I take that back. I want my dog to do much more than just ride a Roomba. I want him to drag his lazy ass to the closet, get the Dirt Devil out, vacuum up all the rooms, clean the crap out of the remote controls and then rub the skidmarks out of my chonies. When he's done there, he can scrub the bathroom tile grout, clean the oven, defrost the freezer and then make me a gin martini. Yeah, fucking right. Doing that shit will get in the way of his full-time job as Head Nap Taker.

And this video of a pussy on a Roomba is pretty much what the inside of my head looks like.

Below I've thrown in some pics of Vadge and A-Rod in NYC today, because these two twats seem to go perfectly with Pussy on a Roomba. I don't exactly know why, but they just do.

Which now-pregnant celebrity is determined to give her baby the most talked-about baby name ever? The father wants the baby to have a normal name like his, and is furious that she is determined to give the baby a really stupid name simply for the attention it will generate. He should not be surprised, though, given that she spends a lot of time thinking up new ways to get press. The most recent iteration of the name consists of something you would buy from your butcher plus the town where they believe the baby was conceived. No, it’s not Prime Rib Pittsburgh, although that would actually be an improvement over the one she wants. (Blind Gossip)

Nothing is worse than the name Bronx Mowgli, but I'll guess the Pregnant Dude? Enough jokes! My serious guesses is Michelle Duggar? Okay, seriously. I'll guess Lisa Bonet, M.I.A or Angie Harmon?

Which US actress has been trying to mend her recently broken heart with a two-month cocaine bender? Her entourage fear constant sniffing and weight-loss will lead to grief. (3am Girls)

Coke doesn't mend a broken heart, but lots of anonymous sex does! I'll guess Anne Hathaway or Drew Barrymore?

Our singer has always had a bit of a violent streak when it comes to his sex life. He knows this and only participates with people who are aware of it and can handle it. Never been a problem until now. Seems that while overseas he took a liking to someone who was ill prepared for the experience and ended up in the hospital for several days. The person he took a liking too was barely legal. Hell, might not have even been legal. It took a massive monetary bribe to make his parents go away, and not press charges. It took another massive bribe to keep the one of the local papers from printing the story. Look for our singer to be playing a birthday party really really soon. (CDAN)

There's only two I could think of: Boy George or George Michael?

Which celebrity wife is leaving her celebrity husband because he can’t support her over-the-top lifestyle anymore? Her husband was a high flyer who provided her with multiple homes, cars, jewels and financial support for her own ventures. Now that he’s having money problems, she is looking to bail. He is begging her to stick out this tough period with him, but she has already told friends that she has her eye on a replacement. (Blind Gossip)

My first thought was Donald Trump and Melanie, but that bitch doesn't have any ventures! Whoever the gold digger is, she's making the right fucking decision!

(Image courtesy of Shea & Lies the Cat)

Double the hep! MTV has replaced Tila Tequila with fauxmosexual twins for their spin-off show "A Double Shot At Hep" which premieres December 9th. The CDC really should have supervised this shit. The whole show should have been shot in a quarantine tent.

Vikki and Rikki, known as the Ikki twins, are former Hooters waitresses who make their living showing off their titties in ass in magazines like Playboy, Fast & Sexy and Import Turner. Now they are paying their rent by pretending to like the chocha!

The Icky whores will live in the same house with 12 straight dudes and 12 lezzies. They will date the same people, but will each pick someone different in the end.

I think I'm going to be sikki. I can't even share a glass with my sister, let alone suck the same dick! This isn't right. These two skanks will be licking on the same tongues, giving raspberries to the same assholes and getting donkey punched by the same dudes. I believe in family togetherness, but this is nasty.

Below is the full trailer. I must go yell at my genitals for getting tingly for the douchebag at the 0:50 mark. The one without the cowboy hat. Ugh. I really should higher my standards, but I can't help it!

This shit isn't funny. Jason Momoa, the hot piece from "North Shore" and some nerd show on the SciFi Channel, got his face busted in during a bar fight in West Hollywood, CA last week.

Lisa Bonet's man was being sexy at some joint when he got into an argument with an evil doer named Dominic Bando. The fight ended with Dominic hitting Jason in his angelic face with a pint glass! Jason had to get 140 stitches and also some plastic surgery work.

That jealous bitch Dominic was charged with fucking up hotness. He faces up to seven years in the chokey. If you ask me, they should give him two life sentences and send him to the prison with the most ugly people in it as punishment for messing up beauty. There's actually a lot of hot prisoners. I've seen a few on Meet-An-Inmate.com. Don't judge!

Bonnie Hunt made fun of Kim from "The Not Really Housewives of Altanta" on her show and she was pretty much dead on except for a few things. Bonnie's wig doesn't look like it was wrestled away from a rabid possum. And Bonnie looks a little too young to play Kim. She should have worn this mask.

Neicy Nash plays NeNe in the skit. This shit could also use a few kats. K-A-T-S!

Stephanie Tanner might be a two-time divorcee before she turns 30! Kimmy Gibler, come get this bitch!

26-year-old Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from her husband of 16-months Cody Herpin. Sweet and Herp have a 7-month-old daughter they named Zoie. Her name was supposed to be Zoe, but Jodie was on ze meth and spelled her name wrong on the birth certificate. NO! Jodie is clean. In fact she credits Herp for helping her get off the meth.

Jodie's agent would not say why their marriage has gone up in smoke, but said they have "come to this path in their life and she felt like this is the way she had to go. Jodie says it's unfortunate but it's just what has to happen right now. No more detail, only because she says she doesn't want to be disrespectful to him."

Sweet and Herp were shooting a reality show together. And that right there is the problem! They should add that shit to the marriage vows. "Till death do us part or until we shoot a reality show together...."

And since we're on the topic of "Full House," here's Stephanie and Kimmy's really hot girl band covering Ace of Base's The Sign. Stephanie should get her mind off of her shitty marriage by reuniting Girl Talk! But that bitch needs to work on her stage moves, so she doesn't knock over a mic stand again!

Robert Pattinson better not break skin, because Ty Ty has crazy running through her veins - Just Jared

Winona Ryder gets her shit together for fashion - Lainey Gossip

Hot Slut Stu Rasmussen gets profiled in the L.A. Times - Towleroad

Naomi from "90210" slips a nip - Hollywood Tuna

Marc Jacobs needs to stop trying to make the man skirt happen - Popsugar

Robert Pattinson's magical forest eyebrows (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Pamela Anderson's kids must be so proud! - Egotastic!

There's nothing "edgy" about Stepford Katie - Hollywood Rag

Celebrity ass quiz - Cityrag

Meadow Soprano and Turtle are doing it - IDLYITW

A new batch of Shiba Inu puppies were recently born and now they have their very own puppy cam. I should be clapping in excitement, but I'm not. It's just not the same. I'm attached to the original ones. I know their personalities, their names, their toys and I've even seen their caretaker's ass crack.

The new Shiba puppy cam just doesn't do it for me. That giraffe blanket thing is fugly and that's an ugly color blue on the fence. See! I'm finding things to complain about!

Anyway, some of you may be into that shit, so click here for it. There's also another puppy cam here and I'm sure fifty more will pop up by the time I post this. But we must never forget the originals. NEVER FORGET!

And can someone remove that cage. It can't be time yet. I'm not prepared! I need to get my Vicodin prescription refilled before this shit happens!

I don't know why HoHan looks like one of the Siamese Cats from "Lady and the Tramp" in the picture above. Maybe it's from eating too much pussay. Naw. That's not why she has cat face, because she obviously hasn't been nibbling on the punane rod lately. She's been too busy fighting with SamRo! Page Six claims that shit has gotten so dramatic that they started going to therapy together.

A source said, "They fight every day, screaming, crying and yelling at each other. Sam and Lindsay are still very much together and very much in love, but drama just seems to follow Lindsay, and Sam hates it. She deals with Lindsay every day. And every day for Sam means questioning, 'Is this worth it?' "

They don't need a therapist to tell them what the problem is: HoHan wants dick. Plain and simple. That's the problem with having a relationship with a "maybe bi-sexual." Sometimes you can't serve them the meal they want. It never worked out for me. The last bi-bitch I dated liked the snatch as much as he liked the peen. I'm a jealous whore as it is, so when we went out, I had to go off and chicks and dudes! It's double the work. I knew I couldn't hang with that shit when I actually screamed the words, "You wish I had a pussy!" When you start spouting that kind of shit, it's time to call it a fucking day.

SamRo is finding out the hard way.

Here's HoHan, SamRo and SamRo's mommy at the $30 million opening party of the Atlantis resort in Dubai. What recession?

Oprah's Favorite Things episode is my favorite of the year, because you get to watch bitches spontaneously combust over and over again. I have a feeling that this year's episode will be filled with groans instead of screams of joy. Oprah has announced that since the economy is fucked up, she's going to do a welfare version of her annual Favorite Things list. Yup, the Big O is getting down with the poor folk.

This statement was released: "They're some of Oprah's favorite things, but this time there's a twist...they cost next to nothing."

So her audience gets a flower pot made from old yogurt containers and Oprah gets to go home to her solid gold toilet?

The statement goes on to say that some dumb whore comes on the show to teach everyone how to make "a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the heart." What if you don't have one of those? Does she teach you how to make a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the genitals?

At the end of the show, Oprah presents her audience with a very special holiday gift that doesn't cost one cent.

I'm still going to watch this shit, because the audience will still lose their tits when Oprah announces it's the Favorite Things episode. And then you will slowly see their smiles turn to frowns when she starts to bring shit out like flowers made from construction paper and homemade plaster handprint plaques. Basically, it's going to be all the shit we made in elementary school for our parents.

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