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I have so many questions about these moob holders from Japan. They have obviously been watching "Seinfeld." It's The Bro!

First of all, the dude in the ad doesn't even want to wear one. He's covering his chesticles in fear. Second of all, this is a fetish thing, right? Third of all, these are basically just women's bras put on manly mannequins. Fourth of all, I really, really love the Japanese.

This shit is almost better than The Manpon!

This B- list R&B singer just had her second abortion that her A list producer/singer boyfriend made her get. He says he doesn't want anymore kids and that if she wants to be with him then she needs to stay childless. I don't know if she is on birth control or not. I just know the details of what happened. She did get a nice $200,000 piece of bling after the first abortion. No word on what she got after this most recent one. (CDAN)

Ew. He should have bought her ass $100,000 in birth control pills and used the other $100,000 to buy his ass some condoms.

WHICH hit television show sidekick kicked an aspiring actress out of his cab after she refused to go to his apartment with him to "cuddle over milk and cookies"? (Page Six)

Dorota from "Gossip Girl"? Or Chuy from "The Chelsea Handler Show"? My one serious guess is Eric Mabius from "Ugly Betty"? And "milk and cookies" is not a delicious snack, right? It's probably some nasty ass sex act.

WHICH talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can? (Page Six)

Jay Leno? He looks like he has the farts in a bad way.

Which globally acclaimed band is on the verge of splitting up because the egomaniacal frontman hogs all the limelight? (3am Girls)

Coldplay?

This celebrity made quite an impact on Celebrity Rehab. He was a real challenge for Dr Drew. He and his girlfriend were at a celebrity event when they happened to meet a man and his wife who were huge fans of the rehabbed performer. The couples started chatting and our rehab guy was so flattered that he invited the pair over for dinner. When the admiring couple arrived at the celebrity’s house they were startled to see large nude photos of the girlfriend hanging on the walls. The “rehabber” offered the visitors wine and an array of pills! The guests were horrified but before they could leave the celebrity invited them to strip down for a “sexy swing session.” The frightened pair ran off without getting a chance to tell the celebrity that the woman was an ordained minister! (Janet Charlton)

Never ever step inside Jeff Conaway's house, unless you want to see a naked ass Vikki. And yes, that's my guess.

I feel like it's been a while since Posh brought her medicine ball chichis out to play. They look harder than ever! Her steel ball chichis are two dangerous weapons.

When Posh accidentally bumps into the shower door in her bathroom, the whole things shatters. She walks into a wall and leaves a huge hole in the sheet rock. She hugs one of her boys and he gets the wind knocked out of him. Becks tried to titty fuck her once and he ended up in the ER with a broken boner. Her dress straps broke shortly after these pictures were taken.

Don't ask me how her twig ass walks with those rock hard titties. Her spine must be made out of Tungsten.

Some dude with crazy running through his veins has been stalking and harassing Jennifer Garner since 2002. It's gotten so bad that Jennifer is afraid for the safety of herself and her family. She already has a restraining order against him, but her lawyers will go into court tomorrow and ask a judge to make it permanent.

TMZ got a hold of some documents that state her stalker Steven Burky follows her around the country, sends her creepy love letters and writes about her on the Internet. He once showed up on her front door and said, "God has sent him a vision of her being persecuted in some manner that may result in her death."

Jennifer said in the papers, "I now fear not only for my personal safety, but also for the safety and well-being of those that I love and care about most, including my husband and daughter. Also, I am currently pregnant and fear for the safety of my second child once born."

The LAPD is involved in the case. Sources tell TMZ that Seven Burky is currently under a 5150 psychiatric hold.

Jennifer Garner is one of the few boring oatmeal people that I actually don't mind. It's weird. Whenever I watch her in interviews, I try to say something bitchy, but the words don't come out of my mouth! And when I see her smile, I smile and that just makes me want to go take an Epsom salt bath.

Because I do like Jennifer Garner, I will do her a favor and legally change my name to "Jennifer Garner." We can trick her stalker into thinking I'm the real Jennifer Garner, so he can leave her alone for good. He's crazy. He won't know the difference. He's also kind of hot. Well, he is! Although, he will have to change the tone of his love letters. I just read a few of them on TMZ and he's going to need to write less about "visions" and more about dirty sexy things.

Wonky McValtrex and Benji Madden are reportedly no longer bumping ass warts which means they are out in the wild spreading their skank! While we're running for quarantine shelters, the bitches who make Valtrex are having a fun time parade! Their #1 converter is going back to work!

According to Star Magazine, Wonky quit Benji because he's too-controlling. When he found out that she was being gross with Nachos in Miami, he freaked out at her. Benji totally did the "smell the puss" test on her.

The source said, "She couldn't take his overbearing ways anymore. It was stressing her out. He can be very aggressive and he was just too much trouble. She felt she couldn't cut loose and party. He doesn't drink and doesn't think she should either. She felt too fenced in."

I think in Wonky-talk "fenced in" means that Benji wouldn't let other dudes space dock her.

Benji apparently is herpmatized, because he wanted a second chance from Wonky. "He fought for a second chance and asked if they could talk it out but Paris said she was done talking." That's because she probably already lined up two dozen rebound dicks.

You know that somewhere in the world Nicole Richie is eating her one chickpea lunch and screaming "Halleljuah" because she doesn't have to see Wonky's skank ass face at Madden gatherings anymore. It was bad enough that she had to play fake nice with her for the cameras.

And that's exactly what Suri Cruise thinks of this shit! Forbes.com came out with their second annual "Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots" list and Suri came out on top. I think Pedo Bear co-sponsored this shit. I mean, "hottest"? Maybe they are referring to the fact that Suri's never wearing a jacket, so she must be hot literally. Unfortunately, that's not what they mean.

Forbes came up with their list by looking at each celebrity kid and how much media attention they get. Suri beat out all the Jolie-Pitt messiahs, because she was in more magazines and blogs than them. Only 3 out of the ten thousand Brangelina deities made the list: Shiloh, Pax and Zahara. Forbes will probably be shut down by the "powers above" next week for not including Brangelina's golden twins on that list.

Here's the Top 10:

1. Suri Cruise (daughter of Katie Holmes and Chris Klein Tommy Girl)
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (you know who her parents are)
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt (see above)
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt (see above)
5. Sam Alexis-Woods (daughter of Tiger Woods)
6. Cruz Beckham (son of Posh & Becks)
7. Matilda Rose Ledger (daughter of Michelle Williams & Heath Ledger)
8. David Banda (son of Vadge & Guy Ritchie)
9. SPF (son of Brit Brit & KFed)
10. Sam Sheen (daughter of Denise Richards & Charlie Sheen)

I can't wait for Forbes annual Sexiest Celebrity Fetuses list!

Source

Thanks Heather

The Original Wino was on a flight from Los Angeles to London when she got sick on the flight and needed some kind of medical attention. She probably ate the fish. Don't eat the fish.

Wino was sick enough for the pilot to ask for priority landing into Heathrow. When they arrived, medical bitches met her at the gate and immediately transported her ill ass to the hospital.

Her spokeswhore said this shit: "She did fall ill on a flight and as a precautionary measure, was taken to a hospital. She was there maybe an hour and was released. The bottom line is she is in good health."

Hmmm....let's go through the "Why was Wino Sick" checklist: Diarrhea? Naw. She watched "Autumn in New York" on the flight? Naw. The klepto in her made her swallow the first-class napkins? Possibly. Too many dolls? Ding ding ding!

Wait. Does customs and the drug dogs check your ass when you have to be taken to the hospital directly from the gate? The Original Wino is a genius drug mule!

Source

Eva LongWhoria is wearing her Spanx wrong. They really should be worn over her face!- Hollywood Tuna

Jenny Aniston and Gerry Butler are together, but not in that way - Just Jared

Marky Mark hates Scientology - Lainey Gossip

These bitches want to make pole dancing an Olympic sport (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Ellison takes staged candid pictures to the next level - Egotastic!

The dudes at the "Milk" premiere forgot to shave - Popsugar

Robert Pattinson talks about gay relationships - Towleroad

Megan Fox is pretty, David Silver not so much - IDLYITW

Enrique Iglesias got kicked out - Hollywood Rag

Who's the Camel Toe Queen? - Cityrag

HoHan and SamRo got into a fight in London last night over a big dick named Calum Best. That's what The Sun claims anyway. HoHan used to rub her worn-out kitty all over Calum's Gouda peen and the two met up again at a club. A source said HoHan and Calum danced together which made SamRo one angry lezzie. HoHan and SamRo apparently started fighting which ended in both of them leaving the club.

They got into the car together, but when they arrived back at their hotel, SamRo stormed off in a cloud of saw dust. You know, because lezzies like wood working and stuff. Yeah, the joke doesn't really work if I have to explain it in detail. Just give me an endearing look and continue eating your panini.

HoHan stayed behind in the car for around 10-minutes. One source said, "It was quite clear something was up. Lindsay had tears in her eyes as she left."

Okay, you know shit is bad when you're fighting about Calum Best! The douche isn't even hot when you look at him upside down while jacking it. Almost everyone is hot when your head and genitals are fighting for blood flow. Don't look at me that way!

Here's more of the weepy maybe bi-sexual last night. Wait. Is Calum Best wearing fur?! Where's that crazy French flour bomber when you need her?

You know where Stephen Baldwin can put that vibrating toothbrush....

Before the election ended, the mega cum fart known as Stephen Baldwin vowed to move to Canada if Obama became president. He now claims it was all just a joke. A joke that nobody is laughing at. Stephen told, Page Six, "The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up. Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration."

Tammy from "The Real World: Los Angeles," where are you, girl? Your assistance is needed again. We need you to come over here, put that scarf-thing on your head, wrap yourself in a comforter and scream to Stephen Baldwin, "It wasn't not funny!"

Stephen went on to talk about what he would do if gay marriage ever becomes legal, "If they legalize gay marriage in all 50 states in my lifetime, I'll get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on my butt to go with the Hannah Montana one."

Um....Stephen from "The Real World: Seattle," where are you, girl? Your assistance is needed. We need you to come over here, throw Stephen Baldwin's stuffed puppy into the water and then scream "Irene! Irene!" before slapping him in his smug face.