Archives | Dlisted

My Kind Of Weather Man

Kentucky Weather man Chris Allen let the 16-year-old douche inside him come out when his weather graphic was accidentally switched with a giant breast from a segment that aired earlier.

They should promote his ass! Now that's entertainment. Eff the weather, they get it wrong anyway. I want to see more of Chris Allen licking computerized nipples.

Posted by: Michael K

148 comments •

Dumbasses • YouTubes

Aretha Franklin Wants Halle Berry To Play Her!?

Oh shit! Halle Berry as Aretha Franklin? Aretha as a fetus maybe! Anyway, Aretha is currently working on the television movie of her life and said she's interested in Halle playing her. Aretha also said Jennifer Hudson (PLEASE NO) and Fantasia might be into it. Billy Dee Williams and Terrence "Baby Wipes Only" Howard are most likely going to be in it. Shooting will begin as early as this Spring.

Halle Berry?!

Why Queen Aretha is getting a TV movie and not a feature film is beyond me. I need to see that woman on the big screen, so I can take it in all that BBWness.

Aretha also said she's losing some weight. She said, "A lot of weight. I won't say the number, but I found the magic numbers on the treadmill. Slowly but surely. It's all happy. "

HALLE BERRY?! Boo Berry yes, but HALLE BERRY?!

Source

Posted by: Michael K

98 comments •

Halle Berry • Hotness

No, You're Retarded

People Magazine asked Parasite Hilton about the rumor going around that she wants to adopt four blonde babies. The ever poignant Paris said, "That's retarded. No, I'm not." Well put.

Paris also spoke about rumors that she's dating Adrian Grenier. She denied she was dating him, but said it was nice talking to someone on a deeper level. "We met a couple years ago [and] we've stayed friends. He's been like kind of a mentor to me, teaching me about the environment and what I can do. I think it's cool to talk to someone in L.A. who has more to talk about than all this artificial crap people talk about. It's nice to talk to someone who's real."

And by "teach her about the environment" she means he pisses and shits on her face. Hey, that's Paris Hilton's way of getting in touch with nature. Don't judge! We all must find ways of doing our part.

Just so you know she's also really taking this acting thing seriously this time! Paris is currently shooting a musical movie called Repo!

"I really tried hard to get this role. I rehearsed. I was the best at the audition. I got this part because I deserved it, and I'm going to make sure I do the best job ever."

Well, this time she swallowed during her "audition" which means it was a really good audition and she really wanted it this time!

Image: Splash

Posted by: Michael K

74 comments •

Paris Hilton

Fakery!

This past week a bunch of you guys sent me this website called MarryOurDaughter.org. Some of you were outraged that such a website exists and some asked to borrow money so you could buy yourself a bride to do your cooking and cleaning.

The website is a place where parents can sell off their daughters to potential husbands. The girls are as young as 14 with bride prices of up to $100,000 or more. Some are as low as $20,000. The front of the page looks pretty real and I was buying it until I clicked on testimonails are read some of these works of fiction:

"I was SO scared getting married so young, but my husband is an okay guy and I am SO proud that because of me my parents were able to get their first brand-new car and take the trip they always wanted to. I couldn’t have done it without your site!"

—Katrina K., married at 14

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"

—Mrs. James P.

The site's "publicity director" has even gone on several radio stations across the country pretending the site was real while fielding questions from angry djs and listeners. The site has gotten over 20 million hits in just a couple of weeks as well as thousands upon thousands of angry e-mails.

John Ordover, the site's creator, spoke to The New York Times and said he created the fake site to prove inconsistencies in state marriage laws. States consider it illegal for adults to have sex with kids, but allow kids as young as 12 to marry with permission. “As far as I can tell, in every state but Oregon, parents can marry off their children."

So it's fake! Get your refunds now. The testimonials are pretty hilarious though and now this dude has totally given some sick fuck ideas.

Posted by: Michael K

72 comments •

Fake Asses

The World's Hottest Midget

Tom Cruise has been voted "The Sexiest Little-Man" in a British poll. 5'7" topped or should I say bottomed the list of the hottest celebrity midgets. Tom beat out a bunch of people I don't know, because most of them are British celebrities. Looks like the competition wasn't that stiff. Here's the list, you can click on their name to see pictures of their short asses:

1. Tom Cruise

2. Richard Hammond

3. Mark Owen

4. Lewis Hamilton

5. Jamie Cullum

6. James McAvoy

7. Michael Owen

8. Kelly Jones

9. Declan Donnelly

10. Robert Carlyle

Tom Cruise is the not sexiest anything! Not even the sexiest alien. That goes to Rihanna. I mean even that troll Elijah Wood is sexier than Tom Cruise. I'd even rather get danced on by Verne Troyer than Tom Cruise! Wacked.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

63 comments •

TomKat

Happy 9/11?

Mr. Barbra Streisand got a chilly response when he told listeners "Happy 9/11!" on New Haven's WPLR radio. James Brolin was there to promote his new movie "The Hunting Party" but just ended up pissing off the djs and listeners.

Chazz and AJ started the interview by noting that it was the anniversary of the attacks. James responded with, "Right, oh, yeah, Happy 9/11!" Chazz shot back with, "Well, that's kind of a weird thing to say. Yeah, well, we're right outside of New York, and I know people who lost family members, so . . . we don't say, 'Happy 9/11' around here."

James responded, "Celebrate the day, right?" and then tried to cover things up by saying how horrible the situation was. Oops! I'm sure he high-tailed it right out of there, before he got his drunk ass beat.

The station manager said that after James' remarks they were flooded with calls from outraged listeners. Get James' head on a plate!

That old pepaw is on the sauce, right? He looks like it. I mean you'd almost have to be in order to tolerate Barbra Streisand's fugly and annoying ass.

Source: Page Six

Posted by: Michael K

86 comments •

Dumbasses

Big Brother 8 SUCKS!

CBS has gotten their fairytale ending by seeing formerly estranged father and daughter, Dick and Daniele in the final 2. That has made this season of "Big Brother" the worst and most boring ever. Shit, I don't even know if I'm going to watch the finale on Tuesday. It's so clear that Daniele is going to win the money. Everyone hates Dick and they should. He seriously isn't reacting well to his withdrawals, because you just know this bitch is a crackhead outside the house.

Several groups of people have been shouting at CBS to evict Dick for his slurs against women and gays as well as for pouring a glass of iced tea over Jen's head. I have to admit I laughed at that. The latest accusation is that Dick has been admitted to cheating.

Dick told his fugly ass daughter that his "letters from home" have contained secret coded messages. In the clip above Dick tells Daniele that his son was instructed to tell him who he couldn't trust by code. Honestly, Dick is so fucking stupid that he barely figured out the messages and what they meant. There's also accusations that Dick put the blue ball in Jameka's tube during one of the veto competitions.

At this point, a marching band comprised of gold anteaters popping out of my ass and breaking into "Brickhouse" is more likely to happen than Dick winning Big Brother 8. I doubt CBS will bring any of this up since they didn't bring up Wamber's racial tirade. CBS needs to grow some nuts.

I'm so disappointed. Julie Chen has done me wrong!

The final airs this Tuesday if you give a fuck!

Source
Thanks Tal

Posted by: Michael K

86 comments •

Reality TV

Coming To A Maxim Cover Near You?

OK! Magazine is reporting that Britney Spears is on damage control and thinks a spread and cover for Maxim magazine may help her out and possibly return her to being the object of desire to many men. Cough! Cough!

The source said, "She wants to be on the cover as quickly as they can shoot her."

Britney's last major shoot for OK! completely fell a part and was a major disaster for her.

Maxim?! I really don't think the technology to properly airbrush her has been invented yet. The airbrushing bill alone would be the magazine's entire budget! She needs to just go away! No covers, no interviews, nothing! Just go away! Send her to cheeto island.

Thankfully, Brit will not be on the Emmys this Sunday. Apparently, there were never talks. Yeah, go figure. Next thing you know we're going to hear that Britney will appear on the season opener of "Grey's Anatomy" to apologize to the world.

Thanks Abs

Posted by: Michael K

121 comments •

Britney Spears

Fresh Air

A couple of days after Owen Wilson was released from the hospital after trying to off himself, there were pictures of him leaving his house. The pictures showed Owen's wrists completely naked and free of bandages. This led many to believe that maybe he didn't do any damage to his wrists as was reported.

The Daily Mail has pictures of Owen with his brother, Andrew, yesterday on Venice Beach in L.A. They also caught some scar action on Owen's wrists. Personally, it doesn't matter how he tried to get an early ticket to the afterworld. He just needs to get help and blah...blah...blah... Where's that sober companion?

Owen, if you need a new SC call me up. I just know how to cure that problem. Actually, it would probably make it worse but ce la vie!

Owen totally got hotter after his troubles were reported. I'm just a hooker with a heart of gold or is it coal? Always trying to save troubled ones. So "Leaving Las Vegas" of me.

Posted by: Michael K

63 comments •

Sadness

Saturday, September 15th 2007