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David Beckham is one fragile little man. You would think that his wife, Boney McBoney, would be the sensitive one. Becks has went ahead and sprained a ligament in his knee. The L.A. Galaxy confirms he will be out of commission for 6 weeks while his knee checks into rehab.

 

People Magazine reports:

 

During the 30th minute of play in the Galaxy vs. CF Pachuca Superliga final at the Home Depot Center on Wednesday evening, Beckham suffered a fierce tackle on the left corner of the field. He went down hard and stayed down.

All in the stadium were on their feet as Beckham, 32, signaled to the bench for assistance. He limped to the sideline as a substitute stepped onto the field to fill in.

With the score tied 1-1, Beckham hobbled back onto the grass in the second half of overtime play. "I had to get back out there to cheer on the lads as much as I could," he said after the game.

 

How lovely it is to be a celebrity. Break your ass and you still get paid a gazillion dollars. You just know that when Becks came limping into Beckham Manor the first thing out of Posh's mouth was "You're still getting paid, right?"

 

Mayjah

 

 

 

My future husband and overall sexy hotness, Senator Larry Craig, will most likely resign as Idaho's Senator as early as today reports CNN . In case you don't know this homo, he's the dude that was busted in June for allegedly trying to get dick in an airport bathroom. He also has a history of being homo on the down low. 

 

Anyway, the Republicans are apparently trying to get Larry to give up his crown.  Sources say high-level meetings are taking place in Idaho. That was the hottest sentence ever written.

 

A GOP source said, "Any official group saying he would have to resign would have been explosive. Craig can't easily go it if appears he's been dictated to by the White House, the RNC, or any other party structure. It has to be his decision."

 

The CNN article goes on and on and on, because basically smart people like to write a lot. Basically, bitches want Larry out because his homo-ness is out in the open now.  

 

Gay Larry claims he isn't gay! Look at me writing about smart people stuff! This actually feels good. It's like I'm in the second grade again.

 

Anyway, what's wrong with Larry trying to get a little dick on the side. It's suddenly turning into a witch hunt. Catholic Priests do it all the time and get away with it.

 

Oh Larry, come into my open arms and I'll console you and teach you the ways of the gay. I'll be your gay Sensei.

 

Image Source: Unconfirmedsources.com 

 

 

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt made a rare appearance in her mother's arms in Central Park yesterday. Angelina Jolie is back from Iraq where she captured Osama Bin Laden and found those pesky weapons of mass destruction.

 

Someone please get Angie new sunglasses. I'm sick of seeing those same ass ones and she's photographed like every minute of the damn day! Get thee some Blue Blockers or something! Shiloh is perfection and now I know why she's the chosen one. I'm scared, hold me.

 

Visit Celebrity Baby Scoop for more pictures!

 

 

 

For his sake I hope Ashton Kutcher is playing a gay from the 1990s in his new movie. I mean.....MANPRIS?! Then again it's probably not for his movie at all. It's probably his lounge wear. MANPRIS?!!!! I'm not even that gay and I just spent the better part of my morning analyzing a damn Britney Spears song!

 

This is Ashton on the set of "What Happens In Vegas.." yesterday in NYC.

 

Splash

 

 

 

Yes, ANOTHER Britney post. Don't worry Britaloonies (trust me, they exist) I'm not bashing her in this post. I was reading The Sun this morning and they had this post about how SHOCKING the lyrics to Brit's song "Cold As Fire" were. The song is a complete trainwreck, but it's definitely my favorite. It's a mess and that's how I like my Britney.

 

Here's what The Sun said the lyrics were:

"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him CUM in my mouth/ Make him my new baby.

"Little legend you can look but don't touch because/ I'm cold as fire baby and hot as ice/ If you've ever been to heaven this is twice as nice."

"The foolishness and fuckery and handling my bizness/ Hola if you hear me/ Can I get a witness?”

When I saw the "make him cum in my mouth" business it confirmed that this was the greatest Britney song of all-time. Unfortunately, The Sun needs to check their ears. Here's the real lyrics:

"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby.

Boring and downgrade! The damn Sun had my hopes up! I was ready to embrace Brit Brit once again!

Click here to once again listen to Cold As Fire

UPDATE: The album comes out November 13th in case you give an eff.

 

 

 

DJ Mark Ronson has reportedly removed Amy Wino from his memory after she skipped out of a video shoot and was instead snapped lounging on the beaches of St. Lucia.

 

Mark (brother of Samantha) helped Wino with her album "Back to Black." She was due to shoot a video for "Valerie" and because of all her issues she backed out. A look-a-like was brought in to cover for Wino. I'm guessing by look-a-like they mean a malnourished alley cat....with fleas.

 

A source close to Mark said, "After all the hassle that Amy created by pulling out of the video shoot, seeing pictures of her living it up on a tropical island infuriated Mark.

"He has been hugely concerned about Amy and considers her a great friend. But he's telling friends their working relationship is over for good."

Amy is not a moron for pulling out of the shoot. Shit, I'd rather sit my nasty ass on a beach than work...but she's a moron for skipping out of a meeting involving that hot piece of DJ meat. Mark is seriously a dreamy dreamy dreamboat. I'd definitely let him piss in my ear.

In more terrifying news, WINO IS TRYING TO GET PREGNANT! Yeah, not even possible. I think all her eggs have gone on strike. Either that or they are too busy getting high in the backroom of her liver.

Source: Metro UK 

 

 

Tommy Girl has a message to his critics about his upcoming Nazi movie, Valkyrie.

 

The 49-year-old told Bunte Magazine, "All I can say is, 'Save your comments until you see the movie.' I want to think positive and concentrate on the film. I carry a great responsibility to the Germans, for whom a man like [Colonel Claus Graf Schenk von] Stauffenberg means so much."

Tommy Girl you are too much for me. Your manhole is trying to give you the inner truth, but you keep denying it. Listen to your manhole Tommy Girl, it knows the truth. The truth is out there...it's just in your manhole.

 

Oh and I don't want to save my comment, because I'll probably never ever see that crap of a movie unless it has hot, gay sex featuring your manhole which I doubt. So...here's my comment: GAY!  

 

Source: People

 

 

 

The New York Daily News is reporting that Britney Spears will indeed perform "Gimme More" at the MTV VMAs on September 9th in Las Vegas with magical douche, Criss Angel helping her out. They claim Britney will disappear and and vanish between a series of mirrors throughout her performance. They better get jumbo mirrors. Her dancers will also be harnessed up to take flight.

 

Other media outlets reports that Timbaland, HBIC of the show, doesn't want her on at all. He thinks she'll take the shine off of the other performers.

 

In other BS news, bitch is rich! TMZ has uncovered divorce documents between her and KFed. The documents claim BS makes an average of $737,868 a month. KFed is currently taking home $20,000 a month, but it all ends in November. KFed's lawyer also wants Brit to pay up $50,000 in his legal fees.

 

Homegirl makes $700k a month and she looks like that?! That's a damn shame! That just goes to show you....you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you....well you know the rest.

 

It's also pretty sad that I listened to that "Cold As Fire" (see below) song like a million times. Her chipmunk chops hypnotize me. Must have cheeto....must have cheeto....must have cheeto...

 

 

 

 

 

IT'S A TIE:

 

Tori Spelling was actually booked for Dancing with the Stars until
she sent them her audition tape. - Hermosa 90210

 

and

 

He may think he fooled authorities, but I bet he STILL gets a DUI. - hoozer

 

 

The Toyota Lardass: A brand new, fuel-efficient family vehicle with
room for 5. Runs on twinkies, cheetos, and low self-esteem disguised
as kinky sexual openness. - LSP

 

 

Sybil Danning - Austrian B-Movie Actress

 

Here's one of her many amazing quotes:

 

 

And click here to read her equally amazing bio