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Lindsay Lohan is in my fair hamlet this weekend and I'm sure some good "sober" pictures are going to come out of it. She went shopping (of course) yesterday and her lips looked sort of weird to me. I'm not talking about that dick-sucking pink lip gloss, but they look puffy. Perhaps she bites on them to stop the cravings.

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Gisele Buttchin graces the cover of Italian Vanity Fair and yeah she looks sort of hot, but I've never gotten the appeal. She looks like a slightly more attractive Jennifer Aniston. I'd still let her stick the tip in and possibly give me a cum fiesta.

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Courtney Love is being sued by Beau Monde International for $181,286, because they claim she didn't pay her rehab bill. Courtney checked into their facility in Orange County, CA backin 2005 and initially put up the $10,000 to check in. She didn't pay anything after that and stayed over 2 months.

$10,000 a week?! What the hell kind of rehab is that? Yeah the kind of rehab that gives you a fugly nose job. Seriously, bitch looks like she got fucked in the nostrils.

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Please vote for Dlisted's HS Slut of February. We have H.A.M of the millenium Remy Ma, crazy astro-lady Lisa Nowak, fashion granny Betsey Johnson and tranny extraodanaire Kimora Lee Simmons! You can vote all week to your right! Winner will be announced on Saturday. Click on the ho to get their info:

Remy Ma
Lisa Nowak
Betsey Johnson
Kimora Lee Simmons

Ever since Salma Hayek announced she was engaged and knocked up from Francois Pinault...I've become intrigued with this French dude with the face of a foot. I guess dude is richer than Jesus and tried to buy Gucci once. He has kids from a previous relationship.

I have found pictures of the two in the past. They attended an event in Italy together last April (above). Can't you feel the chemistry between them? It's like oil and water! Please, you know she's only with him, because a)his dick is worth more than what she makes a day and b) she wants a baby for her lover Penny Cruz.

Once she has that kid, she's going to cash her check and run away to Holland with Penny.

OMG and her tits are going to get HUGE!

Yoga is the reason Jennifer Aniston has quit smoking and is completely off caffeine. She claims that twisting herself into a fugly pretzel is the reason she doesn't need to fill her lungs with smoke anymore.

A source said, "Jen was doing a total cleansing. I had a Diet Coke on-set and she was really jonesing for it!"

Jen was spotted in NYC this past week and still looks like an annoying bitch. It's going to take more than Smart water to banish the whinyness from her blood stream.

Ugh, the way she wears her jeans bother me so much. Does she look at fashion magazines? It's not 1996 anymore and you aren't playing Rachel Green anymore!

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Sharon Stone must really love the Ivy. She's been there a few times in the past weeks. I think she likes the attention more than anything. I forgive her and she's still a hot mess.

That's totally what Nicole Richie is going to look like sans the tits in like 2 years.

Madonna confessed to Nip/Tuck creator, Ryan Murphy, that she is a huge fan of the show and she's agreed to guest star. Ryan is currently writing a role for her and she desperately wants to star opposite her pal, Rosie O'Donnell, who has already guest starred on the show.

Ryan said, "I'm going to write something for Madonna, who is a fan of the show and I would love for her to do something with Rosie."

Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are other big names that are in talks to guest star on the show when the action moves from Miami to Los Angeles next season.

In other Madonna news, one of her former nannies is shopping around a tell-all. Melissa Dumas worked for Madge during 2005 and details all her specific rules. Some of the hag one's rules include absolutely no noise while she's sleeping including running shower water, no newspapers, magazines or TV at all. That's it? Please, that's nothing and sounds like a bore.

I don't like hos to shower while I"m sleeping either, that makes me have to pee and I'm way past pissing in the bed. Ok....almost past it. I swear.

P.S. - Madge's wax figures looks about 20. I don't think bitch has ever looked like that young! Even when she was a damn fetus!

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