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Papa Joe ruins everything! Star Magazine reports that Joe has straight-up banned Pete Wentz from Christmas at the Simpsons house this year. Apparently, Joe doesn't like the fact that Pete has kissed other dudes on the mouth. Joe is a former Baptist preacher. You know what that means.

 

A source told Star, “Joe was skeptical about the relationship from the start. There is a rumour that Pete tried to commit suicide, but with the news of his possible bisexuality, Joe blew his top.”

 

More like blew his load. You know Papa Joe swings that way too. He's just afraid that with Pete around for Christmas he's going to be tempted to play a game of "Santa goes down the chimney." His dream come true is a Pete and Ash threesome. 

 

Ashlee apparently was upset, but agrees with her daddy's morals. That's right Ash! You better listen to daddy or he will blow the lid on your lip-synching. Oh, too late. On your nose job! Oh, too late too.

 

 

 

 

 

Beyonce and other celebrities have right the idea. Holding your own umbrella is so cumbersome. I have loose wrists (NO JOKES! YOU HEAR ME!?) so a personal umbrella holder would do me good. Think of all the things you can do if you had someone holding your umbrella? You could keep your hands in your pockets, you could keep them at your side, you could slap someone and pull their hair, you could pet a dog and molest his owner at the same time, you could hold a cup of coffee and talk at the phone at the same time. It opens up a whole new world!

 

On the flip side, you'd have really have to trust the person holding your umbrella. They could easily play a joke on you and leave you all wet. I really wish that man did this to Beyonce. That would be funny.

 

Here's Beyonce, her P.U.H. and Jay-Z in Paris for Jay-Z's Birthday.  

 

 

Wenn , Splash

 

 

 

 

Dolly Parton is all the way in Rotherham, UK to open up a children's library. Something tells me her wig didn't travel well. It looks like she washed it in the sink and then put it on the radiator to dry where it caught on fire. She had to put it out with a fire extinguisher and then use the hotel iron to straighten it up. Basically, it's a mess.

 

Dolly did have some great marriage advice. When asked about her 41 year marriage she said, "If we cheat we don't know it, so if we do cheat, it's very good for both us. I don't want to know it, if he's cheating on me. If I'm cheating on him, he wouldn't want to know it. And if we do, if that's what's making it work, then that's fine too.”  

 

Sounds perfect! The "don't ask, don't tell" policy never worked in the US military, but it sounds like it works perfectly well for marriages.  

 

She also managed to cause a little controversy while she was there. The Rotherham Council voted to postpone their meeting, so they could meet Dolly. People were pissed! One angry council member said, “I am outraged that democracy is being put on hold for a celebrity."

 

But it's Dolly! I'd put off the birth of my first born in order to meet her.  

 

 

 

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