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SPF and JJ spent their Christmas holiday with their mommy, Britney Spears. Lucky them. They have the worst luck. Brit Brit apparently wouldn't let her boys open up pressies from their grandparents. Wait, I thought Daddy Spears spent Xmas with them? I'm so confused.

 

A source told PageSix.com , "Britney would not let her boys open the gifts from her mom and dad. Apparently she hid them, and she told Kevin she might send them back to her parents un-opened." KFed stepped in and told her to stop acting "like a spoiled brat" and he got the pressies from Britney to give to his boys later. The truth of the matter is she probably ate them on accident. Her assistant dropped some Frapp on them and Brit immediately devoured it. Don't drop Frapp or anything valuable or Britzilla will gobble that shit up.

 

Brit also apparently bragged about what she bought the kids. Didn't this bitch do her Xmas shopping at Rite-Aid? That's nothing to brag about.

 

 

I hope KFed is planning to play those LeapFrog learning games with the kids, because you know Britney won't know how to play. SPF would have to teach her ass.

 

Above is Britney last night leaving a Thai restaurant. Bitch probably heard about The Wino keeping shit in her beehive, so Britney is trying it out. She keeps Starbucks cards, stolen lighters, half-eaten bags of cheetos, adderall and sometimes her babies in there.

 

Image: Fame Pictures

 

 

 

Kentucky truck stop hooker or Mischa Barton? Why it's Mischa Barton! I know, I almost guessed the first answer too. Here's the gorgeous mug shot that goes with the earlier story about Mischa being busted for  DUI,  possession of illegal narcotics and driving without a valid license.

 

Mischa is still in jail on $10,000 bail.  

 

TMZ reports that Mischa was pulled over after she failed to signal on a turn and was straddling two lanes of traffic. Sounds sexy.   

 

Mischa knew she had to step up her Hollywood game. Either get a DUI or get knocked up. Obviously she went with the former. 

 

Mug Shot: TMZ

 

 

 

InTouch Weekly (via LOGOonline ) reports in this week's issue that gay porn wiz, Michael Lucas, has offered Spencer Pratt a role in a major gay porn movie. Brilliant. Spencer's ass was made to get fucked repeatedly by huge, fat ding dongs. I mean repeatedly! Like at least 1,000 times in a row.

 

Michael said, "He was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster. Lucas Entertainment would do anything to be able to center our next major all-male production on Spencer Pratt."

 

Spencer's answer? Inside he's probably giggling like a pig in shit, but his outsides said, "I think I will have to turn down this offer." BOOO!

 

I say Spencer might as well take the offer. That's his fate anyway, so he might as well fast forward and get it over with.

 

Look at that face! It already looks like his anal muscles are contracting. Bitch wants it! Bitch needs it bad.

 

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Dr. Petey Doherty is in the house. Pete Doherty has been giving advice to Blake Fielder-Civl on how to deal with life behind bars so says The Sun . How the hell would he know? Petey probably hasn't spent a full day in the hoosegow! He always manages to get out of it. Anyway, Petey and Blake have been writing back and forth and Petey has been letting Blake know what's going on the outside. I thought Blake had an illegal cell phone for that kind of shit?

 

A source said, “Blake feels very vulnerable. As well as threats he faces in jail, he fears Amy’s friends will use his time in prison to come between them and try to split them up. He has asked Pete to look after Amy and fight his corner to make sure he doesn’t get shut out.

“Pete has a soft spot for Blake, who has always idolised him, and has promised to do his best.”

So that's why Blake recently tested positive for drugs while in the clink. Dreamboat Doherty probably told him how it's done. That Dreamboat needs his own show, because he really knows how to solve problems!

 

 

 

Cher and her daughter, Chastity Bono, are looking to star in a new reality show reports the Daily Mail. It's the new Laurel & Hardy! Cher and Chastity haven't always gotten along and Cher even said she had a time learning that Chastity likes to dive for muffins. Damn, it looks like she's been eating a WHOLE lot of muffins lately. Muffins with butter and jam. Muffins with a side of cake. Muffins with a side of bacon grease and Crisco. All kinds. Chastity Bono eats tons of muffins.

 

The new reality show will have Cher and Chastity helping gays come out to their parents. I'm telling you! There's no need for this. All you gotta do is do what I did and look your mommy straight in the eye and say, "I SUCK DICK (or pussy if you're female)!" and that's it. It's easy. Even a Hilton can do it.

 

The show is apparently going to be titled "Coming Out with Cher and Chas."

 

A source said, "They'd like a bidding war between the stations. It's no secret they have had problems in their relationship and they think that makes them ideal to offer advice to those who are going through the same thing. They are looking to give their careers a lift and are promising producers there will be on-air fireworks between them."

 

And they will work for cheap! Chastity will work for muffins and Cher will work for Botox injections. Perfect! If that reality show doesn't work out Chastity can always become a Davis brother. Their family has billions and Gummi Bear and Greasy Bear will totally believe her when she tells them she's their long lost brother. She can be Dykey Bear!

 

 

 

38-year-old Jennifer Aniston is knocked up according to The National Enquirer. I wouldn't doubt it, because everyone is baking a baby nowadays. She probably ate whatever Jessica Alba, Jamie Lynn and a dozen of those other hos had. 

 

Jenny is currently linked to Sex and the City dude, Jason Lewis. You know...he was the Absolut Hunk or whatever. Anyway, according to reports Jenny and Jason practically live together. She also spend Christmas with his family...allegedly. But is it his baby?

 

Naw, it's probably Casey Aldridge's baby....or KFed......or an executive from Nickelodeon...or Lil' Romeo. Shit, I'm getting my knocked up chicks confused. 

 

The picture the Enquirer used is pretty old, but click here to see pics of Jenny looking bloated in the gut on Xmas eve.

 

Image: Popbytes - Story Source

 

 

 

Tailor Made is cheating on New York?! Say it ain't so! Tailor Made and his new lovely tranny, New York, are engaged, but Gatecrasher reports that at his company Christmas party Tailor Made was all over other chicks or should I say "real" chicks.

 

Tailor Made works for the fashion company Marc Ecko and was acting the fool at their Xmas party last week. A source said, "He was dancing, and kissing a blond with curly hair, then holding hands with a girl with short straight brown hair." He was also falling over left and right. When some girl helped him up, he hit on her too. It's his last chance to get any real vagina. 

 

He did however talk about New York and how much he loved her. Vh1 probably called him and reminded him to do so.

 

Speaking of Xmas parties. Don't you just love company Christmas parties? I really enjoy watching the office manager down a dozen shots of Patron, riding her skirt up to YMCA, making out with the boyfriend of one of the admin assistants and then ralphing her dinner into a urinal in the men's room. Sound familiar? Yeah, I'm sure that was you at your company Christmas party!

 

 

 

 

Hollyscoop reports that 21-year-old Mischa Barton was busted in West Hollywood at 2:46 this morning on suspicion of DUI, possession of illegal narcotics and driving without a valid license. She is still in custody on $10,000 bail.

 

Bring on the mug shot! There's a surprise new entry. Speaking of mug shots where the hell is Britney's?! I need it leaked now. My wall of jacked up Hollywood twats is almost complete.

 

Back to Mischa! I'm guessing the illegal narcotic is pot, because she's a totall weed head. Maybe the illegal narcotic is that hideous hair color. I hope so.

 

What a stupid bitch! Hey, but this is a career highlight for her.

 

 

 

 

It's a McDonald's/KFC Christmas for Brangelina and kids - I'm Not Obsessed 

 

Halle Berry is already 8 months pregnant! - Mollygood 

 

What the hell is Reggie Bush still doing with Kim Kardashian? - Bossip

 

Heidi Klum is being sued - ICYDK

 

John Cusack and Kevin Spacey look the same! - Popoholic

 

Posh does not believe in girl power - Jezebel

 

Maniac football coach - Horny Oyster

 

 

 

Jamie Spears stayed in Los Angeles for Christmas and did not spend the holiday with his knocked-up teenage daughter or Lynne Spears. According to UsWeekly Jamie is still pissed off at Lynne for selling their daughter's pregnancy story to Ok! Magazine. A source said that when JL told Lynne about her pregnancy, Lynne immediately suggested they break the story to Ok!  Lynne knows that they pay the most.

 

Jamie is still upset with Lynne, because he works for everything he has. Jamie is a private chef in L.A. A source said, "He doesn't get a dime from his daughters. He busts his ass to take care of himself. That's why he's so furious with Lynne."

 

Jame did see SPF, Britney and JJ though. He'll take crazy over greedy.

 

You never EVER see Daddy Spears in pictures or anything. I once saw him on an episode of "Dr. 90210," because I think he's personal chef to one of the Maloof daughters or some shit like that. He sort of looks like Freddy Krueger, but he seems like the most sane of the Spears, so I'll let him be.