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Mary-Kate Olsen lives! She was spotted in NYC today. Homegirl was hospitalized last week or something for like a kidney infection. She probably ate a pea and it got stuck in her esophagus. I mean imagine how small her esophagus is. Like a drinking straw. 

 

MK was coming out of Bubby's in Tribeca which was closed down very recently by the health department due to rats and coaches. That place is delicious, but I don't want rat caca in my waffles or do I?

 

Let's hope the health dept. doesn't see these pictures or they may close them down again thinking a giant rat was on the premises. Awww....I take that back. She's not a rat. She's a tiny little dormouse. A little doormouse with big, red Ray-Bans.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were "spotted" going into the same bathroom together during a long flight from Frankfurt to Los Angeles reports Star Magazine. Someone thinks they were doing it. I can hear Jakey G giggling to that sentence right now. "Doing it with a girl? Ewwww..."

 

Anyway, this source said, “Reese and Jake kissed and cuddled together under a blanket in her recliner seat in the back row." Reese apparently then got up and went to the toilet and Jake followed her shortly thereafter going into the same toilet. Scandal.

 

“I started timing them - they were together in there for 11-minutes." Jake came out first and then Reese came out. I'm sure nobody "came" inside that bathroom.

 

Oh please! People need to stop with these falsities. Her tampon probably got stuck in her coochie and she needed her best girlfriend to help fish it out. I refuse to believe they are a couple!

 

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Owen Wilson was dating some model with the hilarious name of Le Call (above) and it looks like they've called it quits. But I was just getting used to Le Call and her effed up name! Le Call me I'll be your shoulder to cry on!

 

Anyway, Owen has apparently moved on to "Bionic Woman" star Michelle Ryan. The two were spotted on a romantic date at Nobu in Malibu.

 

A source said, “Michelle’s one of the few women in Hollywood who looks like herself and hasn’t had loads of work done. She’s refreshingly natural. She’s also pretty innocent about how this whole town works, which Owen finds endearing. And then there’s that British sense of humour.” 

 

Oh screw the Bionic Woman! Her show sucks. I already miss Le Call. I wanted her to marry Owen and have kids! They could've named them Le Holler and Le Whoop.

 

 

 

 

 

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I once said that I thought Carrot Bottom was hot and that I'd let him stick the carrot down the bunny hole. I'm eating my fucking words. Ok, I probably would do Carrot Bottom only because I'm a masochist.

 

Doing CB would be like that scene in "Requiem For A Dream" where Jennifer Connelly is about to do "ass to ass" with that other hooker for drugs and she knows this is going to be one of the most horrifying experiences of her life, but she has to do it. Doing Carrot Bottom would be like that, but worse. His tongue looks rather inviting though. It makes me want to take a seat....I'll stop. 

 

Here's Carrot Bottom at the Gene Simmons roast last night. Bonus! Corey Feldman was also there wearing one of the douchiest shirts ever created.