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Lohan Goes To The Clink

And just like that! Lindsay Lohan quietly waltzed into Lywnood (Paris and Nicole's old stomping grounds) at 10:30 this morning to serve her time reports The New York Post. Lohan was ordered to serve 1 day in jail stemming from her August DUI charge. She was sentenced to 4 days.

She got credit for 1 day served and struck up a deal to perform 10 days of community service instead of 2 days in jail.

No word yet on if the bitch is out or if she's still sitting in a jail cell.

My guess is that she went in, sat in a cell for 30-seconds, was released due to "overcrowding" and then was out buying expensive junk in Beverly Hills by noon.

UPDATE: She checked out at 11:54am. I was right! I bet you she was buying overpriced baubles by noon.

UPDATE II: Now with mugshot courtesy of TMZ . I really could've just put up a random picture of some 45-year-old hooker busted for soliciting and you wouldn't have known the difference!

Posted by: Michael K

151 comments •

Dumbasses • Lindsay Lohan

Dangerous Territory

Amy Wino visited her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil (I actually spelled it right!), in the joint yesterday and found her hair in someone else's hands.

The guards at London's Pentonville Prison made Wino undo her beehive, so that they could search inside. They also made Wino run her fingers through her mop to make sure she wasn't hiding anything inside.

The person that went into Wino's hive is one brave soul. I hope he took a few German Shepherds, a Lunchables and a flare gun just in case he didn't make it out.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

115 comments •

Amy Winehouse • Gross

Can't A Man Do Sex To His Bike In Private?

51-year-old Robert Stewart from Scotland has been put on probation for 3 years for having sex with his bicycle. They are calling it "sexually aggravated breach of the peace." He was also put on the sex offenders list for 3 years.

Get this shit. The dude was caught doing sex to his bike in the privacy of his own room in a hostel! He was caught by the cleaners. It's always them. Fun killers.

Prosecutors told the court, "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

The cleaners told the Hostel manager who told the cops.

Robert denied the claim and said it was a "misunderstanding" and he was drunk. I used that same excuse when I was caught doing sex to....I'll stop.

Ugh. Poor Robert. He can't help that his bike is such a sexy bitch. That bike is a slut and now Robert is paying for it.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

236 comments •

Real People • Uncomfortable

It's Really Really Real Really

Lauren Conrad, one of the people on that show "The Hills" is sick of hearing that the show is fake. Lauren is really pissed about the rumors that her show is faker than Spencer's teeth.

She said, "There have been some rumors in the press about The Hills being fake. Many of you have been asking me if the rumors are true. There are false rumors every week about me and I can’t address every rumor out there, but I feel like this was important for me to respond to. The show is not fake and this is really my life."

She can't address every rumor, because the publicists only wrote this statement and she can only memorize so much at a time.

Fake or not, it's still vapid cheese. I only watch it, because I love seeing Whitney say "What did you do last night?" to Lauren during every single episode.

The show's not fake guys! They just tell us what to say, because we're too stupid to come up with things to say on our known.

Source: UsWeekly

Posted by: Michael K

68 comments •

Fake Asses • Hookers • Reality TV

The Things Some Fathers Will Do For Their Daughters

For some reason kids and tweens are all into that Miley Cyrus girl aka Hannah Montana. I feel old just writing about her. In my day we were all idolozing New Kids on the Block and now those men are this close to enterting a rest home. Depressing.

SO....some dude named Jody Powell from Florida entered a contest held by WFLZ-FM. The prize was tickets to Miley's concert in Tampa. Miley's tour is said to be the hottest tick of the year.

35-year-old Jody held on to a 12-foot "Hannah Montana" statue for 6 days beating out 19 others to win 4 tickets to the show, backstage passes and a $5,000 prize. He did it for his 7-year-old daughter.

The contestants were given 12-minute breaks every 3 hours.

Before winning Jody made a deal with the runner-up. He gets the tickets, she gets the backstage passes and they split the $5,000 prize.

Now that's dedication! My daddy wouldn't let go of his poker chips for less than a minute let alone hold on to something for more than 5 minutes. I know, sob story.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

120 comments •

Buying Children • Crazy • Dumbasses • Hotness

Smell Yo Dick!

A while ago a girlfriend asked me what should she do to catch her man cheating. She told me she knows that he's doing other girls, but thinks he's become a master at hiding it. My advice to her was to smell his dick as soon as he came home. I told her as soon as that bitch walks through the door, you pull his pants down and you smell that shit. If it smells too clean it means he just showered after doing another girl. If he smells like vagina or dirty jizz....well then you know too.

Someone named Riskay (hottest name EVER) put that shit into a song. A girl after my own heart. "Smell Yo Dick" is my new ringtone. I better see this shit win Record of the Year at the Grammys.

Click here if you're having trouble with the video above

VIA Crunk + Disorderly

Posted by: Michael K

145 comments •

Hotness • Truly Awful Music

Afternoon Crumbs

That's Heidi Klum? It is and she's sort of naked for Max Mag - Hollywood Tuna

That Hayden girl looks semi-cute in Vanity Fair - Egotastic!

Hugh Grant's Andy Warhol undersells at JUST $23 million - Hollywood Rag

Rachel Bilson does Santey Claus (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Hell yes! Fried chicken and waffles - Cityrag

Kiki Dunst is a sheer mess - Just Jared

Posh is the Beckham family joke - Popsugar

Even Natatalie Portman is trying that annoying Soulja Boy dance - IDLYITW

Jude Law is in trouble with the X - A Socialite's Life

The most overrated supporting characters in movie history - Best Week Ever

Posted by: Michael K

56 comments •

Afternoon Crumbs

That Hayden Girl Is A Wanted Troll

Hayden Pantaloonies or whatever the hell her name is told E! News last night that there's a warrant out for her arrest in Japan. Last month, 18-year-old Hayden along with other activists paddled out to sea to protest the slaughter of poor, innocent dolphins and whales by fishermen.

After the protest Hayden immediately went to the airport and left the country.

The fishermen say dolphin hunting is a national custom there and Hayden and the others have no business interfering.

She said, "I learned that they have an arrest warrant out for me in Japan. We just found out." She said she faces jail time, but doubts that will happen.

Quick! Alert Japan and tell them we've got their troll. They can find her at the home of the Toll House elves hiding out with the Olsens and Jermaine Dupri!

Posted by: Michael K

66 comments •

Arrests • Fug