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This Is As Good As The Weave's Going To Look

Brit Brit's weave still looks like the ratty seat on the rattan chair your mother probably has on her porch, but this is looking good for her. At least she brushed the bottom. She brought out more boots for us too! Brit dressed up to buy playground furniture for her boys. They waited in the car with the nanny.

I really hope that dude she's walking with is her next husband. They would be the hottest couple ever. Drools everywhere.

In other BS news. In case you haven't heard, she has an album coming out on Tuesday. Reviews are trickling in. Some dumb whores call it "amazing" and some say not to waste your money. Here's a small rundown:

"Blackout is terrible. Heck, even the title seems like a joke, considering the substance abuse allegations, even if her team tries to explain it away as a reference to "blocking out negativity and embracing life fully." - Newsday

""Blackout," her first studio album in four years, is not only a very good album, it's her best work ever — a triumph, with not a bad song to be found on the 12 tracks." - Associated Press

"Spears needs to keep it grimy, because the alternative is a numbing blandness that makes you think too long about head-scratcher lines such as Heaven on Earth's "I fall off the edge of my mind."" - USA Today

"Poetry it's not. Still, there is something delightfully escapist about Blackout, a perfectly serviceable dance album abundant in the kind of bouncy electro elements that buttressed her hottest hits (''I'm a Slave 4 U,'' ''Toxic''). Say what you will about Spears' personal life, but there's no denying that the girl knows how to have a good time." - EW

I've heard this mess and here's my 9-word review: "Don't buy that shit, but download it for free." Covers all bases.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

354 comments •

Britney Spears

Thursday, October 25th 2007

BS

Thursday, October 25th 2007

BS

Thursday, October 25th 2007

BS

Thursday, October 25th 2007

BS

That's The Best You Can Do?!

UsWeekly claims that Nicole Richie teases douchebag, Joel Madden, about his former relationship with Hilary Duff. Apparently, Joel ended shit with Hilary, because she wouldn't give up the panty.

A source said, "She will ask if he's going to watch Lizzie McGuire DVDs or listen to Hilary's albums. Joel tells her she's being out of line."

That's the best Nicole can do? She needs to go back to shit-talking school. I'd tell his ass to go wack off to pictures of Mr. Ed...I mean Hilary. I'd check his dick for teef marks from Hilary's horsey mouth.

Getting knocked up has ruined her game.

Posted by: Michael K

55 comments •

Rwanda Wised Up

Paris Hilton had planned a trip to Rwanda for what reason I'm not sure. Unfortunately for her, that shit has been postponed by the bitches that were organizing it. Rwanda probably threatened their lives if they brought that International skank.

This statement was issued to People:

"Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris Hilton has been postponed."

"Paris has been a loyal and gracious supporter of Playing For Good but the foundation has to regrettably reschedule this trip. Playing for Good would like to thank Ms. Hilton for her generosity and her continued support of this initiative and is looking forward to rescheduling the trip with her at a later time."

Blah...blah...blah...Paris is a dumb whore...blah...blah...blah...Rwanda hates her....blah...blah..blah....they said they would rather have Britney....blah...blah...no they really asked for Britney, it's like an epidemic....blah...blah...

Can we just send that useless waste to Pluto and say it's Rwanda. She won't know the difference! It'll be our little secret.

Posted by: Michael K

66 comments •

Paris Hilton

Lynne Spears Beats White Oprah To The Punch!

OK! Magazine reports that Lynne Spears will release a tell-all book in Spring 2008 on raising superstar children. She will tell her personal story on what it was like grooming Brit Brit and Jamie Lynne “while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community."

Christian publisher, Thomas Nelson, will release the book. Lynne has already 2 published books under he belt. Both were with Britney.

You know White Oprah is livid! She wanted a tell-all. She can just put all her statements together and have a book about by Winter.

This book is going to be a borefest, trust me. There's no way Lynne is going to spill the frap. Bitch knows who is putting food on the table. I'm thinking "Trailer Trash Diaries" is a good name for a title. Has a touching ring to it.

Image: Splash

Posted by: Michael K

123 comments •

Britney Spears

Bear Claims To Have Had Sex With Toe-Tappin' Larry!

This is David Phillips and he claims to have had sex with Larry Craig! You know? That toe-tappin' senator from Idaho who got busted in the men's room. David spoke to Wonkette about his tryst with Larry. This is barf-inducing.

David met Larry 20 years ago at this bar called La Cage aux Follies on Capitol Hill.

David said, “When we got to what reminded me of a rarely used guest room, he stripped me down, and the man’s hands and mouth were all over me. He kept his pants on, though, while laying me back on the bed to suck my cock. Then, he stripped naked and asked me to suck him. I complied for a while, then he disappeared and returned with lube and a condom to fuck me me with. It was a clumsy and unremarkable fuck, except that I wasn’t clean and he was frantic about not getting my shit on anything. Still, he blew his load, ripped the dirty condom off and ordered me to get dressed without wiping myself. He hurried me to the back door, again ranting, ‘You were never here. You don’t know me. Right?’”

Larry then practically pushed David out the door, handed him $20 and said, "Remember, I can buy and sell your ass ten thousand times over. You were never here. Don’t try to come back here. You don’t know me."

Damn, at least David went back to his house and got $20. I usually end up walking out of the alley with a face full of grodiness and a new case of crabs. TT Larry sounds like a dream date.

So Toe-Tappin' Larry likes to top bears?! Yogi better watch it. Please! That's a power-bottom if I've ever seen one!

Is it wrong that David's story kind of turned me on? Ugh, I need a shower and a ciggie now.

Thanks Kim

Posted by: Michael K

272 comments •

Gay

And Hello To You!

Just the other day I was thinking to myself "something is missing." I took out a box of Gordon's, heated that crap up and as I ate it I realized I was craving a different kind fishsticks. And here she is! You're still as bland and annoying as ever and I love you for that, Gwyneth.

I didn't know West Elm made dresses out of their pillows?! That Gwynnie is always ahead of the fashion curve. Here she is in Barcelona promoting some Estee Lauder piss perfume.