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I've done some crazy things while stuck in traffic, like piss in a Big Gulp cup or give a handjob to my passenger, but I've never wandered the damn highway. That's why Amy Wino did in London today. Wino was stuck with several other motorists as they waited for an accident to clear.

Wino couldn't sit still, so she got out of her car and started asking the other motorists for a ciggie light. She also showed off fresh cuts all over her arm. Ugh. Let's just throw her in a FedEx box and send her to Tommy Girl. She'll come out talking like a robot and smiling like a Stepford wife, but that's better than this shit.

I'm all for looking like a truck stop crack whore, but this is ridiculous.

If those ballet slippers could talk..... Actually, they wouldn't talk. They would just scream in terror.

Nick Bollea aka Nick Hogan was sentenced to 8 months in county jail starting immediately. 17-year-old Nick pleaded "no contest" on charges of felony reckless driving. The charges stem from a car crash last August which left his passenger and friend, John Graziano, with serious brain injuries. Nick was racing another car at speeds up to 100mph when his car hit a palm tree. A few hours later, booze was found in his bloodstream.

John will most likely spend the rest of his life in a nursing home.

The judge also suspended his drivers license for 3 years. He was also given 5 years probation, 500 hours of community service and he cannot drink during his probation. He will have to complete a booze education program within the year.

The judge heard statements from the Graziano family as well as the Bollea family. Brooke's stupid ass got up there looking like a call girl on her lunch break, crying about how "this is why she hates being a celebrity." It's all about her!

Before being sentenced, Nick told the judge, "I'll never, ever be able to tell John 'sorry' enough times to make up for what happened on Aug. 26. I loved John to death. He was like my oldest brother and my best friend. I'm ready to take my punishment."

I hope he's ready to take big cock too, because that's what he's going to have to do in jail. If you ask me, this dumb whore got off easy.

Source

Watching all the changes Brit's weave goes through is becoming my favorite pastime. Last night, Brit's weave looked as good as it will ever look. Hey, it doesn't look like it can double as a rasta wig, so that's a very good thing. She has enough grease in her hair to keep to keep Popeye's in business for years, but Brit Brit likes it shiny!

In other cheeto news, Brit will go head to head with Whitney Houston this Christmas. The Sun reports that both are planning to release albums around the same time. Battle of the crazy!

A source feels like Brit's new album is exactly what she needs to put her back on top. The source said, “She is determined to make a triumphant comeback. Top brass have been amazed by the quality of tracks they’ve heard. Whitney is set for another relaunch at the same time later in the year. They’re determined Brit will come out on top.”

At first I thought the source said "top bras." That's funny, because that's exactly what she needs!

The trailer for the greatest movie of the year has arrived! Now, I knew this movie had talking chihuahuas in it, but it also has production numbers! I think this cinematic masterpiece was made just for me. Disney must be hacking into my brain. I wouldn't doubt it.

You know the chihuahuas in this movie are going to pose nude in Vanity Fair next year. Well, they are part of the Disney whore machine. They can't help it!

Just when I thought that I've heard it all, comes this story out of Houston. If you're eating, you might want to skip this story and head on over to CuteOverload.com instead.

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a "bong," a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

All the more reason to be cremated. Don't blame weed for this shit either. Blame stupidity. That being said, I'll believe it when I see it. Scratch that, I don't ever want to see that. EVER.

Visit The Houston Chronicle for all the gory details.

Thanks Jennifer and all the other that sent them to me. You're all sick nasty fucks!

Hugh Hefner knows who Miley Cyrus is? I'm impressed. He probably thinks she's some country western chickie from the 1820s, when he was a teenager. At yesterday's Playboy Ho of the Year luncheon, Hugh gave his two cents on the VF crap saga, “She’d be welcomed in the magazine. Very pretty lady."

I love that he called her a pretty lady. Hugh is a pretty lady too! We're all pretty ladies.

Hugh went on to tell Extra, “I think to make such a big to do over something as innocent as those photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality." Hugh then had to excuse himself, because he went poopy in his panties.

And ewww at Miley in Playboy. Now Trish Cyrus in Playboy is a different story. She's already got the "I'll suck yo dick for a deep fried snickers" look down pat.

Did it break from Shauna Sand's intense glamour is what I meant! Shauna Sand brought some real class and elegance to the Playboy Playmate of the Year luncheon yesterday. What the hell is that gorgeous creature doing with all those dollar store skanks! She's like a precious rose among a field of weeds. She's like a stunning diamond among a pile of rocks. Shauna of course wore her exquisite lucite heels. She will die if she doesn't wear them. I'm not joking.

So, here's more pics from yesterday's ho's ball. The chick in the drag queen Barney dress is 2008's Playmate of the Year. Clearly, Shauna deserves that title every year.

Compete in a staring contest with MiserAlba! I lost, because her fake smile distracted me - IDLYITW

Chestica will be Asshole's maid of honor - Popsugar

Brit Brit wants to live near KFed - Hollywood Rag

Hilary Duff isn't looking so fresh - Hollywood Tuna

Sarah Larson is a beautiful wax figure in Harper's Bazaar - Just Jared

Tyra Banks' fetish show (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Halle's got a pussy in her cleavage - Cityrag

Lance Bass' shirtless bodyguard or something - Towleroad

Monica Bellucci slips a nip - Egotastic!

Mayer & Maniston reunite - A Socialite's Life

Heather Mills can't take a hint, now can she? People have probably screamed in her face to "go the fuck way," but she won't listen. Heather is in talks to star in the next season of "Celebrity Apprentice." Heather is no stranger to American reality TV. Her ass already lost "Dancing with the Stars."

Access Hollywood (via MSNBC) reports that Donald Trump approached Heather, but she's still thinking about it.

The Donald really isn't thinking this through. If you piss Heather off, she'll pour a glass of water over your head. I'm pretty sure the dead cat on Donald's head isn't waterproof.

At first I thought this was Charo after having some bad work done. No, it's Jacko, I mean LaToya, I mean Jacko. I'm not sure! Wait a Billie Jean minute! Maybe, it's Jacko dressed as Charo? That must be it.

Here's LaToya/Jacko at a promo appearance at a Munich, Germany department store yesterday. She's getting better with age. Just like tupperware.