It goes without saying that my favorite ad from last night's Super Commercial Bowl 2010 was Betty White's commercial for Snickers. Betty White is like bacon. Her presence makes everything better. That being said, Snickers did get it a little twisted. Betty White could murder a herd of Khloe Kardashians just by flinching, so I didn't appreciate that "you're playing like Betty White" line. More like you're NOT playing like Betty White.

The rest of the commercials paled in comparison, but let's talk bout a couple of them anyway. Google's ad was at the top of a bunch of lists. While watching this mess, I couldn't help but think that Hollywood is going to turn this into a feature-length romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks as the Googler and Meg Ryan as the French girl. You've Got Google In Paris!

Oprah and Letterman's sequel to their 2007 ad also starred Conan O'Brien's dream killer. The commercial is more entertaining if you picture all of them pantless. And also if you picture Gayle King munching on Oprah's Frito-Lay pie.

Click here to see the rest of the commercials. The theme of the night was the balls-less man! Is Kate Gosselin producing commercials now?

On Friday there was a rumor going around the block that Lindsay Lohan threw a drink at SamRo during a fight at some club. Well, today there's a new story about how SamRo threw her fists at HoHan's face. This is what happens when Michael Lohan and fan fiction meet.

A source (aka The Bagina Basher of Long Island) close to both SamRo and HoHan tells Radar that there's some lezzie domestic violence shit going on. The source said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head. She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her. She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

It doesn't help matters that SamRo moved into LiLo's apartment building, “It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are. I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”

While I'm sure the two have whooped each other over the last line, I don't know if I completely buy this. I just tried to envision LiLo as Sophia and SamRo as Harpo from The Color Purple, and it didn't work. I even pictured LiLo giving the "All my life..." speech to Pooty. Does not compute.

This rumor sounds like something that came out of Michael Lohan's ass during one of his more intense bowel movements. But if it is true, throw SamRo in the clink! Actually, SamRo surrounded by butch puss doesn't sound like much of a punishment. Throw her in White Oprah's basement instead!

During a drag show in Brazil a few days ago, Beyonce slipped on Michelle Williams' career and aaaaaaaaaalmost busted her ass. I need a refund. I had the laughs locked and ready to go, but Beyonce's triple decker ass did not hit the stage. Just when she was about to go boom, her wig spread its wings and saved the day. Damn.

It sucks for us that Beyonce's nalgas didn't kiss the stage, but it's good for Solange. Because when Beyonce falls, the ceiling in Solange's basement drops down 2 inches.

via ONTD

A few months ago, Playgirl went web-only, because it's easier for dudes to click a mouse than turn a page while masturbating. But they roared up printer again just for Levi. The magazine promises all nude "pix," but just like the (NSFWish) internet spread you're still not getting peen. Not even a tip. We get a handful of pit muff. You can develop a case of blue eyeballs all over again! However, I will give Levi a few nipple pinches for his "Someday I Will Be Senator" pose and bronzerface.

And in case you missed it, here's the picture of Sarah Palin and her Alaskan telepalmpter at the Tea Party Convention in Tennessee over the weekend. The note on her hand does not say, "Pick up Levi's Playgirl." It says: "Energy", "Tax" and "Lift American Spirits." Sarah learned that trick from Piper obviously.

Honestly, who cares. The President uses a teleprompter, Sarah Palin uses a 4th grade cheat trick, and Michelle Obama stores all of her speeches in her intergalactic eyebrows of the universe. We all have our ways.

But you know what we really should be ranting and raving about?! The fact that there was a Gaylord tea party this weekend without oiled-up go-go dancers in spandex, poppers and the presence of Gay Al Reynolds. That is the REAL travesty.

via Gawker, TMZ and HuffPo

The VMA committee is already casting for Kanye replacements at this year's awards show to prevent another "outburst." - ReallyNow

Runners-up:

Faced with mounting financial woes, Lindsay Lohan gets her "friends" to model her new line of leggings. - PBateman

The huge success of the Commodores made it impossible for many of us to get to know the equally brilliant and talented CommonWhores. - hoozer

via Jeep Bastard (Thanks Stephanie)

Jersey Boy from Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl VI! - Jake, the chihuahua/pug mix who might have dropped acid before the big game and scored a point for the other team, was named Most Valuable Puppy last night, but the true breakout star in my eyes was the JERSEY BOY! Jersey might look he belongs in a Louis Vuitton mobile home carried by Jessica Simpson (RIP Daisy), but he ain't afraid to get his paws dirty and break a bitch down!

During last night's game, Jersey Boy along with Rigley got the first puppy penalty of the night for unnecessary ruffness. Jersey Boy showed us how they do it in Jersey! Paws pumpin' like champs

! I see a bright future for Jersey Boy. A future that includes a guest spot on the second season of Jersey Shore. Snooki better watch her mouth around Jersey Boy, because if she gives him even 1 ounce of lip, his paw will come for her face. Clip below:

Gary Coleman (42)
Ryan Pinkston (22)
Jim Verraros (27)
Abi Titmuss (34)
Joshua Morrow (36)
Seth Green (36)
Mary McCormack (41)
Shiva Rose (41)
Vince Neil (49)
John Grisham (55)
Mary Steenburgen (57)
Nick Nolte (69)
Ted Koppel (70)
John Williams (78)

(Image via Crunk + Disorderly)

Led by his favorite pet billy goat, Maddox swept into Miami last night with shades over his eyes and his handy purse handler at his side. Or maybe she's trying to provide more shade for him? I don't know.

Billy Goat Brad and Maddox are in Miami to cheer on the New Orleans Saints at the Super Bowl tonight. No, Billy Goat Brad does not get hard for the Saints because he loves New Orleans so much. Brad is the Saints #1 fangoat, because they're named after him and Angie Jo. Obviously. Duh.

And I won't be watching the Super Bowl tonight, but I will be smoking a super bowl. GONG!

To celebrate her 41st birfday, Jennifer Aniston flew to Los Cabos, Mexico with a bunch of her friends including her favorite shopping partner Gerry Butler, Sheryl Crow, Courtney Cox and David Arquette. You know, because if you're going to weep on the floor of a shower while punching at your womb, you might as well do it in sunny Mexico. NO! Aniston doesn't do that. Homegirl is probably happy that there's not an army of babies there to barf in her margarita (barfarita), do diarrhea in the hot tub or spit on her delicious nachos. Aniston probably toasted to her barren womb! My crazy cat lady cousin made me type that, to be honest.

Here's more of Aniston, Gerry (who is begging for a Q-Tip), Sheryl, Courtney and Court's spine in Los Cabos yesterday. Yes, Court's spine makes my own spine feel inadequate. You seriously could muddle a lime on her spine to make a Mojito. My useless spine can't do that.

Baby Jesus may or may not be waking everybody up in Vadge's house by crying for a bottle in the dead of night. Some say Baby Jesus is back in his manger. And others say Madonna and child are still going strong. The Daily Mail is going with the former, and is saying that Vadge's cooch is already spinning a web around a new prey. According to some hos, Vadge is circling around 24-year-old Spanish model Jon Kortajarena and can't wait to suck the life out of him (through his peen hole). It's a good thing Vadge's snatch knows how to queef "I'll get you my pretty" in Spanish.

Vadge first laid her beady eyes on Jon at the New York premiere party for A Single Man. In the movie, Jon plays a hustler Colin Firth's character meets outside of a liquor store. Dude made my nipples coo when he lit up Colin's fag. I guess he made Vadge's nipples coo (sounds like a duck dying) too, because she wants to make him hers! A source says that at the party Vadge flirted with Jon hardcore, "Jon looked slightly uncomfortable with the attention but was, nonetheless, flattered. She has made some enquiries about him and has found out a bit more about some of his future modeling gigs in a bid to use her influence to his advantage. She is going to invite him to some social events in New York."

Jon shouldn't fight it. I'm sure Vadge has already redecorated the nursery for him and ordered a dozen custom-made "Property of Vadge" onesies in his size. Jon should just lay his nuts on a silver platter and deliver them to Vadge. What Witchy Poo wants, Witchy Poo gets.

And I can't say I blame Vadge. Jon's brows really are a thing of beauty. They look like the perfectly conditioned landing strip of a second tier stripper. I bet they smell like Victoria's Secret body spray, old man sweat and Jergens.

Here's a few modeling pictures of Baby Jesus' replacement: