Who Is Hot Slut Of 2016? Vote In Round One!
I hope you built up your immune system this weekend by eating plenty of vitamin c (mimosas) and vegetables (Bloody Marys) and exercising (fapping while balancing your laptop on your stomach), because the Hot Slut of the Year showdown extravaganza begins now!
There will be a total of four rounds. The winner of the first three rounds will go onto the final round, which will determine Dlisted’s reigning queen of the year! In the first round we have the winning Hot Slut of the Months from January, February, March and April. Since most of our memories of those days (aka a much more innocent time) have been eaten up by the heinous shit that happened later in the year, you’ll need a refresher. Here’s the 4 battling it out for a spot in the HSOTY final showdown:
January – Ludivine, the dog who became an overnight sports star and made people say, “Usain Bolt, who?!“, when she accidentally entered a half-marathon and won 7th place. Ludivine also became my #1 enemy when she beat Joan Collins for the title of Hot Slut of January.
February – Flossie Dickey, the grumpy angel who became a hero to all of us aspiring curmudgeons when was fresh out of fucks to give during a local news interview on her 110th birthday. Flossie only told the local news reporter that she loves long naps and whiskey, straight up. 2016 took all the greats away from us and that includes Flossie Dickey who died in November. She’s now in heaven where she’s sipping whiskey while trying to ignore the annoying angels.
March – Birdie Sanders, the spotlight-stealing fame whore bird who turned Bernie Sanders into a regular fucking Snow White when it crashed one of his rallies. That bird was one of the few positive bright spots in the endless shit show election, and trick probably flew off to Canada the day after election night.
April – Margaret Miles, the two-night Jeopardy! champion who had every hipster’s dream haircut and whose idea of a funky good time is knitting and petting cats.
The winner of round one will be announced on Thursday. Unless you have to decide whether to have In-N-Out or Rubio’s for dinner (go with In-N-Out), this will be the most important decision you’ll make today!
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