Tom Brady and Gis Bundchen's exclusivo baby looks like a baby - Popsugar

Kiki sans fards (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Hilary Duff is starting to look like one of the middle-aged Housewives of Orange County - Hollywood Tuna

RiRi is continuing to dress like she's stuck in a k-hole - Just Jared

Brooklyn Decker doesn't even know how to wear a bikini top right and she's still on the cover of Sports Illustrated - Egotastic!

Betty White for President! Oh wait, that's a different petition. Betty White for SNL Host! - Towleroad

Mary Tyler Robot - Lainey Gossip

Lindsay Lohan will recreate this shoot any minute now - Hollywood Rag

Somebody forward this to Brad Pitt - Cityrag

And when American Idol contestants sing off-key, they should have to bend over and get slapped with a cold piece of bologna - I'm Not Obsessed

Fat Actress: The Reality Show - SOW

Meanwhile, Chicken Cutlets gets a coupon book from Ralphs to sit 3rd row at a mini-mall fashion show - Holy Moly!

St. Angie will save Haiti - Socialite Life

Megan Fox's stump thumb is too fugly for Motorola - Celebitchy

If a Christmas tree plays the main villain, then I'm okay with this - ICYDK

via WOW Report

Most people run off to Mexico to escape Billy Bush, but Jennifer Aniston invited him and Access Hollywood's cameras to Los Cabos to celebrate her 41st birthday with her. Hey, that $9,000-a-night villa is not going to pay for itself! Actually, it is going to pay for itself now that Aniston pimped them out on National TV. Note to Chicken Cutlets: If you drop Super 8's name on Public Access, they will give you a free hour!

Anyways, Jenny told Billy that she dragged 50 of her knitting circle buddies to Mexico for her birthday, because she thinks boozing it up will help their economy. And because one of her favorite childrens charities is based in Tijuana. The Angelina Jolie of Tijuana said, "These people survive on us coming down and spending money and coming here to these beautiful places. It sort of made sense to sort of say ‘Hey, let’s help out Mexico. Let’s shout out to these kids in Tijuana at El Faro and you know, have a big…that’s sort of our birthday celebration this year.”

That's what my friend always said when hos would throw him a side-eye after he admitted he buys all his painkillers in Rosarito Beach, Mexico. The dumb bitch would say he was helping the economy. And no, I'm not talking about myself for once (Yes, I am).

My Tivo is lazier than a baby on Ambien, so it did not record last night's premiere of Celebrity Fit Club. Thankfully, TMZ and HuffPo posted what looks like to be the best moment of that mess. It's KFed flaunting his Burger King-approved body. KFed almost gives better side-boob than Salma Hayek.

When talking to the judges about his chunk, KFed joked that he looks like the pregnant man. That joke wasn't not funny, because it's entirely possible that KFed could become the next pregnant dude. Dude's sperm could impregnate a fire hydrant, so I'm sure he could knock himself up. Maybe he was on the wrong reality show. Maybe he should've been on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" instead. There's probably a baby KFed crawling through the sewers right now.

Here's the other "celebrities" of Celebrity Fit Club: Bobby "Doody Bubble Popper" Brown, Jay from Project Runway, some chick from High School Musical, Nicole Eggert, Sebastian Bach, Shar Jackson, and Pop Off from Bad Girls Club.

At least somebody was in the mood for love (in the form of a greasy grope from an obese producer who promises to get you a part in the next Bradley Cooper movie) at last night's Valentine's Day premiere in Hollywood. I really have no idea who this Anna Kulinova swan is, but it doesn't really matter. Googling her name is not going to make me relive all the emotions I felt when I first laid eyes upon her in this stunning frock. This is the true meaning of VD (Valentine's Day)!

I doubt Jennifer Garner, Jessica Beeeeehl or any of the other boring Js at this movie premiere spent their entire night making a figure skating costume out of old taffeta found in the trash can outside of Bobby Trendy's condo and a Fredrick's teddy. Barney's does not carry a dress that makes your nipples look like they are bleeding lace. This is a one-of-a-kind creation!

And you know what makes Anna even more special? The fact that she's smiling like she has no idea her shoes don't match at all! The cab driver must have been one inpatient motherfucker, because he forced Anna to grab a random pair of shoes from her stripper roommate's closet. She wears them beautifully.

Here's more of Anna and the people who only showed up to bask in the glory of her beauty. They are: MiserAlba, Garcelle Beauvais, an overdressed Jessica Biel, Patrick Dempsey, Barbara Eden, Jennifer Garner, McSteamy and Noxzema Girl, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutchie with Demi Moore, Shirley Maclaine, Julia Roberts, Emma Roberts and a bronzer-faced B.Coop.

Snooki has finally found a juiced up Guido meat head to hold her hair when she barfs up last night's Jager shots, kiss her bruises when she gets punched in the mug and sleep on the beach with her when she's too drunk to find her way home.

Snooki and her piece of the moment Emilio Antonio flew into NYC's La Guardia Airport last night looking like two gremlins after drinking an entire bottle of Ed Hardy perfume.

I'm sure these two love dingles will last longer than a herpes outbreak. And I hope Emilio doesn't mind his dick smelling like the Vlasic stork's breath, because Snooki uses pickle juice as lube.

A few weeks ago, an unphotoshopped picture of Vadge's "I'll get you my pretty" face terrorized the internet. And now we've got another one. Although, this one isn't going to make you want to hide your children under their beds.

New York Magazine posted this before and after from Vadge's Louis Vuitton campaign. Even wonk-eyed Vienna Sausage from The Bachelor could clearly see that "after" picture has been covered with layers and layers of Photoshop. They erased the He-Man from her arms, replaced her current face with her True Blue face and then made it rain watercolors all over her.

Personally, I prefer the "before" picture, because Vadge looks like your drunk stepmom after coming back from a costume party where she dressed as a bordello version of Donnie Darko. Vadge is impatiently waiting for you to get her a cup of Alka-Seltzer on the rocks with a splash of gin.

Rich at FourFour has once again spent many long hours away from Winston to put together this supercut starring the hardest working bitch in Hollywood: THE MIRROR! According to film makers, when you close your bathroom medicine cabinet there's a good chance that a monster, a creepy boyfriend (who you suspect is plotting to kill you) or Harrison Ford will be staring back at you.

The truth is, bathroom mirrors don't really scare me. I mean, my bathroom is so damn small that it would be pretty much impossible to successfully creep up behind me. Only an anorexic fly, a dandelion or Gary Coleman on rubber stilts could do it. Since I put it that way, now I'm officially scared of mirrors thanks to my own thoughts.

But I still rip open the shower curtain all dramatic-like just in case a maniac with a machete is behind it. If you're going to go out, you might as well give them some THEATER!

Here's the voice of all mothers Kate Gosselin looking as precious as a pimp at church on the cover of her THIRD book. Don't you just want to softly stroke her Bret Michaels weave before yanking it out in pieces to tie around her mouth and hands? I think that's what Kate was going for.

People reports that Kate's new book I Just Want You to Know: Letters to My Kids on Fame, Money and that asshole Jon comes out on April 13th. The book will feature Kate's prayers, selections from her personal journal and letters to her kids. Kate explains:

"Each day the thought crosses my mind that when they get older, my kids are going to look back and think about how they were raised. I know they will have a lot of questions about things that may not make sense because they were raised so unconventionally. I don’t want them to grow up and wonder; I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt how much I love them and how much every sacrifice made was worth it for them."

Touching. But what's even more touching is one of Kate's letters to her baby friends:

Dear my adorable money makers childrens,

Why the fuck are you reading this?! Stop dicking around and go make that money! Back alley weaves don't come cheap! Smile really purdy for the cameras too.

Oh, and get momma a cold bottle of Evian. COLD!

Love and Possum Whispers,
Your Boss

Kate's kids will be able to read their mother's letters to them when they save up enough money to go down to the local Barnes & Nobles to buy a copy of her book. Sorry kids, no complimentary copies for you!

NOBODY was prepared for the games at Tila Tequila's baby shower - nili

Runners-up:

It's a pretty bold move to hold auditions for your next wife the same day you're going to court with you current wife, but then again, Charlie Sheen is a bold guy. - Cunty LaRue

With three entries in the race, the Kardashians were a shoe-in for winning the Fame Whore 500. - Detective_LaToya

The challenges on Double Dare have gotten a little more difficult since Ron Jeremy took over for Marc Summers. - starvis

This is all I can show of the full caption picture since it features nipples, blurry vag and dildos. The full mess is after the jump and it's not safe for your cubicle. JUMP!