Here’s some “news” that will make you seriously consider packing everything up and moving to Borneo to become a humble rubber tree farmer with no internet or TV. According to The Sun (anyone seen my salt shaker?), the reason Angelina Jolie has been dragging out her divorce from William Bradey Pitt, is because she wants him back. I solemnly swear that if Brad and Angelina ever dare get back together after all they’ve put us through, I will jump off the nearest cliff. It’s not fair that I should be the one to die, but it’s the only way to ensure I don’t suffer.
Thankfully, The Sun reports that Brad would gladly hold my hand Thelma & Louise-style and jump off that cliff with me (hopefully wearing just a cowboy hat and a smile) before he’d consider getting back together with Angie.
Angelina Jolie wants to win back estranged husband Brad Pitt, The Sun can reveal. Her surprise marriage U-turn is behind the reason why she is dragging out tortuous divorce negotiations, sources close to the former couple say.
We can disclose Brad has turned down the idea of a romantic reconciliation but wants a harmonious relationship for the sake of their kids.
Our source said: “Angelina has made it clear to Brad that she wants to be back in a relationship with him. “She would like them to be a family again and doesn’t seem capable of moving on. “That’s why she is making it so difficult for Brad with every detail of their divorce.”
Maybe Jennifer Aniston becoming single again has Angie concerned. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from the media, Brad has absolutely no choice but to choose one of them. The narrative was been written in the stars long before any of their souls had corporeal vessels! If, God forbid, Brad ended up with some rando, it can only mean the universe has no order and all is chaos.
But seriously, Angie needs to move on. She’s at her best when she’s vamping it up and stealing other women’s men. She’s got that movie coming up with Kumail Nanjiani, whose career took off with The Big Sick, a true story about him and his wife. Imagine the headlines if Angie snatched her up some Kumail? I don’t want to give her any ideas, but I hope she reads this because I think it would be a really good idea. That way, I wouldn’t have to learn anything about Bornean rubber production.