Go ahead and hit play on this before you proceed (you can thank/curse me later). In case you haven’t waited in line at a grocery store of late and have not seen the earth shattering news printed on the front page of People Magazine that Prince Harry and Prince William’s households will be torn asunder, then let me break it to you gently. You see, even when two princes love each other very much, they sometimes need a little space to do their own thing and become their own people. The time has come to William and Harry to see other people naked. We, well to be exact, People, call this a ROYAL RIFT.
According to People:
Despite the royal brothers’ very different roles — William, 36, is preparing to be the future king while Harry, 34, prepares for first-time fatherhood — longtime palace staffers had the “homogeneous idea” of the two princes working in tandem. However, it’s now clear that with the additions of Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle — and their growing families — a united foursome wasn’t feasible.
“It was only going to work until they married — and it went on a while longer than perhaps was originally thought,” one palace courtier tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue.
Jesus, you’d think they were conjoined twins facing a dangerous operation that will leave one prince dickless, and the other with four ass cheeks (please God let them give William the asses). Last month the protracted separation began when William and Harry split up their orifices, sorry, their offices. And Harry and Meghan have already packed up all their shit and moved from Kensington Palace to Frogmore Cottage which is probably nicer than it sounds (I always picture Frogmore as a sooty hovel with a dirt floor and flea infested thatched roof). Since then, Harry and Meghan have even started their own Instagram page, so you know this shit is serious. The only thing left to decide is which couple gets stuck with Princess Beatrice Elizabeth Mary.
By now, all of us children of the colonies should have already chosen which parents we want to live with, but if you’re still on the fence about being #TeamAmericanHussy or #TeamEnglishRose, maybe this news will help. According to CNN, #TeamAmericanHussy is working with Oprah Winfrey on a TV show about mental health for Apple’s new streaming service. Actually, the American hussy of #TeamAmericanHussy isn’t nominally involved, it’s Harry who’s been taking meetings with Gayle King that hopefully went better than R. Kelly’s.
The multi-part documentary series, which will air on the Apple TV platform in 2020, was co-created and produced by the Duke of Sussex and Winfrey. It aims to inspire viewers to have an “honest conversation about the challenges each of us faces,” according to a statement from Kensington Palace.
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We are excited to announce that The Duke of Sussex and Oprah Winfrey are partners, co-creators and executive producers on their forthcoming mental health series launching on Apple in 2020. The pair have been developing the series for several months and are looking forward to sharing such an important project on this global platform. The dynamic multi-part documentary series will focus on both mental illness and mental wellness, inspiring viewers to have an honest conversation about the challenges each of us faces, and how to equip ourselves with the tools to not simply survive, but to thrive. This commitment builds on The Duke of Sussex’s long-standing work on issues and initiatives regarding mental health, where he has candidly shared personal experience and advocated for those who silently suffer, empowering them to get the help and support they deserve. His Royal Highness has spent many years working with communities throughout the UK and young people across the Commonwealth to break the stigma surrounding mental illness and broaden the conversation of mental wellness to accelerate change for a more compassionate, connected and positive society. Quote from HRH: “I truly believe that good mental health – mental fitness – is the key to powerful leadership, productive communities and a purpose-driven self. It is a huge responsibility to get this right as we bring you the facts, the science and the awareness of a subject that is so relevant during these times. Our hope is that this series will be positive, enlightening and inclusive – sharing global stories of unparalleled human spirit fighting back from the darkest places, and the opportunity for us to understand ourselves and those around us better. I am incredibly proud to be working alongside Oprah on this vital series.”
This venture actually puts Oprah in a precarious situation. Anyone that knows Oprah as intimately as Gayle and I do, knows she’ll never give up her Fortnite habit. Not even for the prince that got to keep the dick in the separation.
Pic: People Magazine via Instagram