The Daily Mail is reporting that a Spice Girls reunion world tour was an actual possibility but now all of us 90s gays who never got to see the Spice Girls live will have to just live with it. It seems that after Mel B revealed a secret cooch bumpin’ session with bandmate Geri Horner, shit has hit the fan and our dreams of a world tour are dead and buried along with all of the wind-breaking track pants they forced Mel C to wear all those years.
At the end of March, Mel B was talking to Piers Morgan on his show and decided that it was the best time for her to reveal a longtime lesbian secret which had been in the shadows for decades: that she and Ginger Spice once got it on. Piers was so excited he had to go fap immediately–both because of the hot lesbian imagery and also the fact that his name would be in the tabloids for weeks all thanks to Mel.
That revelation quickly snowballed and it turned from a one-time hookup into a months-long lesbian relationship. Of course, Ginger eventually made an official statement saying that what we were reading was lies and she’s a happily married hetero woman. Well, sources say that behind the scenes Geri was highly pissed. It seems that Mel’s loose lips (the ones on her face, I mean) were so affronting to Geri that plans for the Spice Girls to tour the world are off.
The Spice Girls (sans Posh Spice) are doing a reunion tour in the UK that ends on June 15th. They were planning to also tour in the US, Australia, and beyond. But because of Scary Spice’s big mouth (which never touched Ginger’s bits, according to Ginger), they aren’t touring the world and their UK tour was almost canned.
“It has been a hugely dramatic week. At one point last Sunday, the tour wasn’t happening… They agreed that they had to do the British dates because they are under contract and they don’t want to let their fans down, but there won’t be any more… There had been plans to keep it going but no more.”
But maybe this insider is just a wishfully-thinking homosexual intern, because a spokesperson for the Spice Girls said:
“This story is inaccurate and factually untrue.”
This has all been very trying on the half of the band who has nothing to do with this: Mel C and Emma Bunton. Apparently the two have been trying to be peacemakers and are buckling themselves in for some Ginger x Scary fighting on the upcoming tour:
“The gigs are going ahead no matter what, but all the girls are prepared for more epic rows… At the moment Geri doesn’t even want to be in the same room as Mel B. There’s no way more worldwide dates will be added.”
Shit must be tough for Sporty and Baby as it’s been reported that Scary is “perplexed” by Ginger’s denying of their hot, steamy love. A source says:
“Mel is totally perplexed by Geri’s denials… Mel feels Geri is making her out to be a liar. She said, ‘It’s almost as if she is trying to erase our history.'”
Oh wow, pour one out for the sad experimental lesbian 20-something inside of Mel B; she is being starved by Geri’s denials of their love. And also pour one out for me who never saw the Spice Girls live and was hoping that one day I would get to when their bank accounts got low enough (curse your rich-ass, Victoria Beckham!). Mel B better take some time to think about what she’s done. The gays will forgive for a lot, but deny us our icons? Deny us our flamboyant girl power? We will riot. Sis better stay away from West Hollywood; I’d avoid it for the next few months at least.