Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 4, 2019 / Posted by:

Jolly Rancher Fire Stix!

April 3, 2019 is the day that I found out that Jolly Rancher Fire Stix was no longer available to terrorize our teefs by breaking some and sprinkling cavity-making serum on others. I didn’t know Fire Stix didn’t exist anymore until reader Rebecca nominated it for HSOTD. But it’s true, Fire Stix was born sometime in the mid-1970s and died sometime before yesterday. This saddens me. Fire Stix were hard and hot. They were the closest thing a trick could get to giving Prince Hot Ginge a beej. Dammit!

I could not find an actual picture of a Jolly Rancher Fire Stix (pictures of Jolly Rancher Cherry Stix are out there, though). The only pictures I could find were drawings including this terrifying one from 1977 of the nightmare hybrid of Annabelle the demon doll and Nellie Oleson. Never mind that her shelf bracket brow game is on point, she makes me believe that when you first licked a Jolly Rancher Fire Stix, the flames of hell jumped off of it and a demonic spirit possessed your soul and caused you to smile like a creepy Howdy Doody who is picturing murdering you in your sleep!

10 cents for 23 minutes of cinnamon fire fun is the bargain of the century, but actually not quite true. Any child who really knew how to eat a Jolly Rancher Fire Stix would bite into that shit, breaking a tooth, which would lead to them undergoing some procedure with the dentist that cost a lot, lot more than ten cents and lasted a lot, lot longer than 23 minutes.

Pics: Flickr

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