Jeff Bezos’ Investigator Thinks The Saudi Arabian Government Is Behind His Dick Pics

April 2, 2019 / Posted by:

The Case of The Dirty Sanchez, just got a little bit shittier. According to CNN, the Saudi Arabian government may have been among the first people to see Jeff Bezos’ dick pic. Gavin de Becker, Jeff’s private dick, has “concluded with high confidence that the Saudis had access to Bezos’ phone, and gained private information” before Michael Sanchez, Jeff’s lover’s gay brother (rolls right off the tongue, dunnit?), allegedly sold said information to The National Enquirer and its parent company, AMI (American Media Company). Somebody needs to bust out the Wet Wipes because this Dirty Sanchez is hella messy.

CNN reports that de Becker (see, if I were making this up his name would be “da Pecker” so you know I’m reporting facts) thinks the Saudi government were after Jeff because of the Washington Post’s coverage of the murder of jounalist Jamal Khashoggi. Jeff is the owner of The Washington Post. In an OpEd for The Daily Beast, de Becker claimed Saudi Arabia’s “leadership” wanted Bezos “harmed, compromised, and silenced”.

De Becker’s article raises the stakes surrounding the National Enquirer’s tabloid exposé of a romantic relationship between the billionaire Amazon CEO and Sanchez, a former anchor for Fox’s local station in Los Angeles. Bezos has implied that AMI tried to extort him to please the Saudi government — which allegedly has links to AMI and is upset with Bezos-owned Washington Post’s coverage of murdered columnist Jamal Khashoggi —or President Donald Trump. AMI says that’s not the case.

Everybody agrees that Michael was the party who provided AMI with the sexts that Jeff shared with then girlfriend/mistress Lauren Sanchez. But de Becker believes The National Enquirer knew about the sexts first, and were the ones to approach Michael. And Michael himself told CNN business that AMI approached him. But AMI remembers things differently.

In its statement, AMI said that “the fact of the matter is, it was Michael Sanchez who tipped the National Enquirer off to the affair on Sept. 10, 2018, and over the course of four months provided all of the materials for our investigation.” The spokesperson added that Sanchez’s “continued efforts to discuss and falsely represent our reporting, and his role in it, has waived any source confidentiality.”

So if I’m following de Becker’s logic correctly, he believes that AMI became aware of the story, through direct or indirect channels, from the Saudi government who had either hacked, or by other means, gained access to Jeff’s phone. The National Enquirer then pursued Michael and solicited the story from him, because they could hardly say they got dick pics from the Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman. And AMI maintains that Michael was their sole source for steaming hot Jeff Bezos action. De Becker’s sources include “current and former AMI executives and sources, Middle East intelligence experts, Saudi whistleblowers and dissidents, as well as current and former advisers to President Trump”. On the other hand, the chairman of AMI is named Pecker. It’s probably immaterial, but I wanted to remind you of that.

Pic: Instagram

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