Archives: March 2019

Olivia Jade And Her Sister Are Still Enrolled At USC

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Olivia Jade might actually have to worry about maintaining a 2.0 GPA because the poor thing is still enrolled at USC. Turns out neither her nor her sister Isabella Giannulli actually dropped out as previously reported after Operation Varsity Blues sent their folks, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, to jail (and then back to their multi-million dollar Bel Air Mansion after posting $1 million in bail. Each!). Maybe the girls are waiting to actually get expelled so they can qualify for student unemployment benefits. Look, I went to community college for 6 years, I obviously don’t know how any of this works. But according to Today, Olivia and Isabella STILL might have a paper due for their Navigating Media and News in the Digital Age class. Haha, as if they write their own papers!

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Michael Avenatti Is In Major Trouble With The Feds For Allegedly Extorting Nike (And Then Some)

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

I’m beginning to think Stormy Daniels has a bad taste in men – no wonder she quit this one! Michael Avenatti, an attorney who seems to need an hourly cable news appearance in order to live or, as Gloria Allred likely calls him, “amateur hour,” isn’t having the best few weeks. He and Stormy mysteriously ended their attorney-client relationship, and now the FBI is barking up his tree for some shady shit and he was arrested on federal charges. Yeah, the dude who screams at a lot of people for being a crook may end up being one himself: the FBI is investigating his ass for wire and bank fraud AND trying to extort money from Nike. Luckily, Nike proved with their Colin Kaepernick ads they DGAF about screaming banshees, so they called the FBI as soon as Michael started getting lippy with them.

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Duchess Kate Considered Suing Over A Story Claiming She’s Phasing Out Her Bestie 

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

There’s more drama at the palace, but Duchess Meghan can sigh relief because this time the drama isn’t surrounding how horrible of a person everyone who isn’t friends with her alleges her to be. No, it’s the other Duchess in the crosshairs this time, as Duchess Kate is rumored to be acting like Regina George high off adderall and is trying to “phase out” one of her best friends. Remember the pre-social media days when phasing someone out was as easy as not answering a phone call? Simpler times.

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Dr. Dre Bragged About His Daughter Getting Into USC On Her Own (And I’m Sure His $70 Million Donation Didn’t Help At All) 

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

As Felicity Huffman (reported net worth: $20 million), William H. Macy (reported net worth: $45 million), Aunt Becky, and Mossimo (reported combined net worth: $100 million) curse and spit at the universe for being poor and not rich enough to get their kids into college by buying an entire building, Dr. Dre, who is definitely rich enough to buy a university building and did, dropped a bitchy fart on them by announcing that his daughter got into USC all on her own and he didn’t have to pull ILLEGAL schemes.

But the thing is, when you throw hate at parents who bought their kids’ way into college and everyone remembers that you made a $70 million donation to the school that your daughter just so happened to get into, you’re going to get dragged. That’s exactly what happened to Dr. Dre. It’s a shame he’s not a real doctor, because he’s going need a prescription for topical antibiotics to treat those dragging bruises. Although, maybe USC threw in a medical degree with that $70 million donation.

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Justin Bieber Is Getting Blamed For Iceland Closing A Tourist Spot

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber ruins everything. Music. Canada. Fashion. Add another to the list: the environment. Just when you thought there was nothing else Justin’s man-boy hands could touch and turn to shit, he finds a way to get in there and swirl it up. It’s being reported that Justin is sort-of responsible for the closure of a popular Icelandic hotspot due to the tourism there going up drastically all because Justin used it as the backdrop of a music video. I wonder why when rappers film their videos in the hood, tourism doesn’t go up in those locations?

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The Gronk Is Retiring From Football

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

If you saw that “Gronk” was trending on Twitter yesterday and thought to yourself, “Is that the guy from Emperor’s New Groove? Why is he trending?” I have news for you: That character’s name is Kronk. With a K.

29-year-old Rob Gronkowski announced that he’s retiring from the game of football and apparently people care. TMZ is reporting that my uncle is finally going to read one of my posts on this site because it’s about one of his favorite football players retiring. The New England Patriot tight end (which is also the name of my Grindr profile) announced on Instagram that he is leaving pro football after almost ten years in the sport.

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